Today 3 weeks ago I was sitting in the garden with my best beloved Furry. Today it is cold & grey, which is how I feel & she isn't here to snuggle up to. I still can't believe I'll never see her again except in photo's & on the DVD'S. I find that I am getting more tearful, not less as I had hoped. Tomorrow I have to go back to work, perhaps it will be better to be out of the house all day.
But next Friday the Adoption Centre will be coming to do a home check & if I'm approved then I will be able to get another cat from them. There are 2 that I so want to bring home, but the old grey & white boy they insist has to be homed on his own as he hates other cats.
So, I will bring home "Bingo" - that name will definitely have to be changed! That is if the Vet doesn't decide she's too old & ill. They think she is between 12 & 15 years old, maybe even older. She's thin as a rake, & not eating much, but they can't find out what is wrong with her, so maybe it's just old age.
I know I am in for more heartache & grief, but the staff say she's very unlikely to get a new home. When I went yesterday to cuddle the oldies, it was the first time that she had come out of her sleeping pod - she draped herself around my neck & I could hear her purring. Then she sat on my lap for over 1/2 an hour purring all the time - it was sad to have to leave her.
I so so miss my Furry, no-one will ever replace her, but perhaps if I can give some comfort to this old lady it will ease the pain .
Thinking of you today & every day, all my love, Furry Furskin.
Judith
Full Version: Missing You More Than Ever, My Furry.
Judith - I too, am not doing better as I had hoped either. I lost my job 1 week ago through no fault of my own. Working was a saving grace for me. At least my mind was occupied, and I did not have to be here alone with my thoughts and heartache. I miss Scooter so much, It's beeen 4 weeks and 1 day. I too, have been to the local animal shelter just to give love and hope to some of the animals there, mostly the older ones too. All of them just seem so depressed, lost and without hope. I gravitate to this older cat, he is 13 so they say. They have named him Mooky. He looks to regal for a name like that. There is somthing in his eyes that just gets to me. I'm upset with them, because his water needs to be refreshed and it wasn't the other day. He had water, but it just needed too be new water. Now, he has that feline upper respiratory infection that seems to spread to all of the cats there. They just can't seem to keep the sick ones away from the well ones. Then the well ones become sick. I at least wash my hands before moving on to another cat. I have never seen a cat like Mooky, his legs are at least 12+ inches long before you even get up to his shoulders. They say he is not good with other cats, so I would heasitate bringing him home to my 3 younger ones. Plus, now, he is sick, so he could not come home now anyway. He just looks thin and sad. He reminds me of my Scooter, not the colors or anything, just the sick look at the end. I don't know if they will put him down, now that he is sick. They said they are giving him medication, but who knows. I will be heartbroken when he goes.
Anyway, I think that getting back to work will help you. I know when I was working, it sure kept my mind occupied until I got home.
I hope that your new adoption goes well, and let me know what name you decide on besides "Bingo" .
Thanks for listening, somtimes I just ramble on and on. I'll be thinking of you as you start back to work again, and especially with your new impending adoption.
Trish
Anyway, I think that getting back to work will help you. I know when I was working, it sure kept my mind occupied until I got home.
I hope that your new adoption goes well, and let me know what name you decide on besides "Bingo" .
Thanks for listening, somtimes I just ramble on and on. I'll be thinking of you as you start back to work again, and especially with your new impending adoption.
Trish
Hi Judith and Trish and haleykate,
I wanted to come visit the site and catch up on the latest, and I just wanted to express my deepest sympathy for the pain you're all going through. There are times, I know, when it just seems things can't get any worse, or feel any worse, and then - wham! - they do. I was sitting in the house earlier tonight and thinking about the first few days and weeks after I lost 3 of my kitties, one in 2001, one last Dec., and one just last month. I remember that hopeless angry lonely feeling, and thinking that life will never be the same without any of them. I read on another thread where we want things to be back to normal, and then realize that now there will have to be a new normal, and I just have to say that's so true. Whether we want it or not, there has to be a new normal, and mostly we just don't want that. Short and simple, we just don't, but we have no choice.
I think in going through the grief process, having been through it before and having to get through it now, everything that has been an issue before, whether it's family or work or whatever - the weather, doing the housework, laundry, all of it - seems magnified when you're trying to struggle to come to terms with the heartbreaking realization that you won't have that furry one beside you anymore. All of life just seems to tilt, the world is out of kilter, and you can become so discombobulated (I think that's how it's spelled) that you can't seem to be able to get a focus on life anymore. It happened to me, I know from other posts it happens to others. It's the new normal that we're never ready for.
I commend anyone on considering adopting older or ill cats - I'm not sure I could ever be that generous. I couldn't even go near a shelter after any of my losses, so you see, none of you are mean or short-sighted or anything like that, at least from where I see it. You were given the ability to love and care deeply, and that's a trait that just doesn't come around the corner every day. It's a gift, not one that seems like a blessing at times like these, but it is a gift. It's the only way this world can keep from becoming the cold, heartless place it sometimes seems to be. And I know it seems to be like that now, when you're in such pain, but if it weren't for folks like you, these poor old neglected furbabies wouldn't stand a chance.
When I first posted here last December, after Magic suddenly died, I remember the first person to reply to me was Ken. I've kind of gotten to know him from his posts, and it's just like he said to Jeri in another thread, you're reacting in an absolutely human fashion. Looking into yourselves and facing and adjusting to the new normal is so, so hard, and it's never what we want to have to do. We see things in ourselves and others that we maybe haven't seen before, and we don't always like or appreciate or understand it. In the months since Magic left, I've seen myself change too - and I don't always like myself for it, or my family - well, my husband really, cause he isn't as emotionally invested in the cats as I am. But there are a lot of things that I've found in life since then that I can appreciate, and the people who come here and share their wisdom and thoughts, and are capable of connecting to and comforting others, is one of the things I didn't know before but has affected me so deeply. We're all in this together, and we all try to pull each other through, and what Ken said is true - it will get better. It may not be what it was before, and it can't be, but after struggling through this, and honoring your departed babies, in whatever length of time it takes, the new normal will become more familiar.
I don't know if any of this makes sense - I have a tendency to ramble on and on, but the pain I feel from you all is so clear I just wanted to hug you all to me and say we'll get through this. Thanks for listening and being there for me, too. Take care - Barbara
I wanted to come visit the site and catch up on the latest, and I just wanted to express my deepest sympathy for the pain you're all going through. There are times, I know, when it just seems things can't get any worse, or feel any worse, and then - wham! - they do. I was sitting in the house earlier tonight and thinking about the first few days and weeks after I lost 3 of my kitties, one in 2001, one last Dec., and one just last month. I remember that hopeless angry lonely feeling, and thinking that life will never be the same without any of them. I read on another thread where we want things to be back to normal, and then realize that now there will have to be a new normal, and I just have to say that's so true. Whether we want it or not, there has to be a new normal, and mostly we just don't want that. Short and simple, we just don't, but we have no choice.
I think in going through the grief process, having been through it before and having to get through it now, everything that has been an issue before, whether it's family or work or whatever - the weather, doing the housework, laundry, all of it - seems magnified when you're trying to struggle to come to terms with the heartbreaking realization that you won't have that furry one beside you anymore. All of life just seems to tilt, the world is out of kilter, and you can become so discombobulated (I think that's how it's spelled) that you can't seem to be able to get a focus on life anymore. It happened to me, I know from other posts it happens to others. It's the new normal that we're never ready for.
I commend anyone on considering adopting older or ill cats - I'm not sure I could ever be that generous. I couldn't even go near a shelter after any of my losses, so you see, none of you are mean or short-sighted or anything like that, at least from where I see it. You were given the ability to love and care deeply, and that's a trait that just doesn't come around the corner every day. It's a gift, not one that seems like a blessing at times like these, but it is a gift. It's the only way this world can keep from becoming the cold, heartless place it sometimes seems to be. And I know it seems to be like that now, when you're in such pain, but if it weren't for folks like you, these poor old neglected furbabies wouldn't stand a chance.
When I first posted here last December, after Magic suddenly died, I remember the first person to reply to me was Ken. I've kind of gotten to know him from his posts, and it's just like he said to Jeri in another thread, you're reacting in an absolutely human fashion. Looking into yourselves and facing and adjusting to the new normal is so, so hard, and it's never what we want to have to do. We see things in ourselves and others that we maybe haven't seen before, and we don't always like or appreciate or understand it. In the months since Magic left, I've seen myself change too - and I don't always like myself for it, or my family - well, my husband really, cause he isn't as emotionally invested in the cats as I am. But there are a lot of things that I've found in life since then that I can appreciate, and the people who come here and share their wisdom and thoughts, and are capable of connecting to and comforting others, is one of the things I didn't know before but has affected me so deeply. We're all in this together, and we all try to pull each other through, and what Ken said is true - it will get better. It may not be what it was before, and it can't be, but after struggling through this, and honoring your departed babies, in whatever length of time it takes, the new normal will become more familiar.
I don't know if any of this makes sense - I have a tendency to ramble on and on, but the pain I feel from you all is so clear I just wanted to hug you all to me and say we'll get through this. Thanks for listening and being there for me, too. Take care - Barbara
Hi Barbara, Judith, Trish, and Ken,
Thank goodness for this site. For all of you for helping me to get through the loss of Haley. Although I'm not doing any better than I was 3 weeks ago it really does help to know that there are so many of us here on this site that loved our pets so much. There don't seem to be as many people out in the real world that feel this way.Just the other day my boss was complaining that his cat was urinating on his sofa and he was asking if any of us wanted the cat. I was like"You'd just give the cat away?" He said yea, I'm not gonna have it pee all over the house. So, a couple of days later we had a patient sitting in the chair(I work in a dental office) who happens to be a vet and my bossis telling him that he had to take the cat to the vet for an obstruction in his kidney and it cost him 1000. The cat may need ongoing treatment . So he tells the vet that if it costs him anymore money he's going to give the cat away. He said I only paid 15.00 for the damn cat and now it's costing me a fortune. Number one, he called the cat an IT, not he or she.So the vet says to him. I'm sick of people like you. You get a pet for the kids and as soon as they start to cost you money you want to get rid of it. Then he asked my boss, How much did you pay for your kids. If they start to cost you money will you dump them? I just wanted to hug that vet. My boss is a very wealthy dentist. Its not like he can't afford to take the best care of the cat. He just has no emotional attachment to his pet. I am seeing way too many people like that now. That is one of the reasons I love coming here. To people who GET IT.
I know all too well about grieving. I lost my 23 year old brother in a car accident. He was just starting his life with a young wife and an 18 month old baby. My dad couldn't take the pain and never really got out of his chair after that and died a year later. He had been to the Dr. for a physical shortly before and they said he was in great health. We all think he died of a broken heart. I still grieve for them. Its been over 30 years now. I've gone on with life, got married, had 4 great kids but I honestly don't think I've ever felt real pure joy since I lost them.
I think what makes this different, losing Haley, is that she was mine, all mine. I mean I shared her with the rest of my family and I know how much they all love her but she and I had a very special bond. Also, the biggest difference is that I chose to put her to sleep. Of course, I would rather feel this pain than let her suffer but it was just so sudden. I just thought she had an upset stomach. Never in my wildest dreams did I think for one second that she was seriously ill or that I would be leaving that vets office without her. People understand that when you lose a person it is OK to grieve for a very long time but when you lose a pet thay expect you to snap out of it.
I know that life will go on. But for right now I just cannot stop crying. I cry my self to sleep, I wake up crying. I mope around all day (accomplishing nothing) and cry. Trish, you are right about going to work. At least there are 8 hours in the day that somehow I semi pull myself together and I put on a phny face and do my job. I sometimes cry at work and hope nobody notices. Out of room. My son just got up and I don't want him to see me on this site so I have to go now. They all think I'm nuts now. I will be back later. Thank you all so very much . Love, Jeri
Thank goodness for this site. For all of you for helping me to get through the loss of Haley. Although I'm not doing any better than I was 3 weeks ago it really does help to know that there are so many of us here on this site that loved our pets so much. There don't seem to be as many people out in the real world that feel this way.Just the other day my boss was complaining that his cat was urinating on his sofa and he was asking if any of us wanted the cat. I was like"You'd just give the cat away?" He said yea, I'm not gonna have it pee all over the house. So, a couple of days later we had a patient sitting in the chair(I work in a dental office) who happens to be a vet and my bossis telling him that he had to take the cat to the vet for an obstruction in his kidney and it cost him 1000. The cat may need ongoing treatment . So he tells the vet that if it costs him anymore money he's going to give the cat away. He said I only paid 15.00 for the damn cat and now it's costing me a fortune. Number one, he called the cat an IT, not he or she.So the vet says to him. I'm sick of people like you. You get a pet for the kids and as soon as they start to cost you money you want to get rid of it. Then he asked my boss, How much did you pay for your kids. If they start to cost you money will you dump them? I just wanted to hug that vet. My boss is a very wealthy dentist. Its not like he can't afford to take the best care of the cat. He just has no emotional attachment to his pet. I am seeing way too many people like that now. That is one of the reasons I love coming here. To people who GET IT.
I know all too well about grieving. I lost my 23 year old brother in a car accident. He was just starting his life with a young wife and an 18 month old baby. My dad couldn't take the pain and never really got out of his chair after that and died a year later. He had been to the Dr. for a physical shortly before and they said he was in great health. We all think he died of a broken heart. I still grieve for them. Its been over 30 years now. I've gone on with life, got married, had 4 great kids but I honestly don't think I've ever felt real pure joy since I lost them.
I think what makes this different, losing Haley, is that she was mine, all mine. I mean I shared her with the rest of my family and I know how much they all love her but she and I had a very special bond. Also, the biggest difference is that I chose to put her to sleep. Of course, I would rather feel this pain than let her suffer but it was just so sudden. I just thought she had an upset stomach. Never in my wildest dreams did I think for one second that she was seriously ill or that I would be leaving that vets office without her. People understand that when you lose a person it is OK to grieve for a very long time but when you lose a pet thay expect you to snap out of it.
I know that life will go on. But for right now I just cannot stop crying. I cry my self to sleep, I wake up crying. I mope around all day (accomplishing nothing) and cry. Trish, you are right about going to work. At least there are 8 hours in the day that somehow I semi pull myself together and I put on a phny face and do my job. I sometimes cry at work and hope nobody notices. Out of room. My son just got up and I don't want him to see me on this site so I have to go now. They all think I'm nuts now. I will be back later. Thank you all so very much . Love, Jeri
Dear Jeri,
I'm glad that you are able to function at work. It was my 1st day back today since losing Furry & it was hopeless - I just cried all the time. People I work with were very kind, gave me hugs & reassured me that it was OK. to grieve. But the trouble is I'm a social worker with mainly older people with visual impairments, so I need to get out there & visit them. I tried to phone & make a couple of appointments but all I did was cry on the phone so had to ring off.
I finally gave up & went to the shelter again to cuddle the oldies. My Bingo had the big sign on her cage saying "Yippee! I've been Reserved" She sat on my neck again for a cuddle, then when I moved on to cuddle another oldie who was in the next cage I could hear her crying for me to come back to her. So I went back to her & tucked her up in her bed. I can't wait til I can bring her home, & am terrified that they will assess us as not being suitable to re-home a cat!
Like you Jeri I try & post messages here when my husband isn't around - he seems to think it is making me worse, but he's wrong.
Judith
I'm glad that you are able to function at work. It was my 1st day back today since losing Furry & it was hopeless - I just cried all the time. People I work with were very kind, gave me hugs & reassured me that it was OK. to grieve. But the trouble is I'm a social worker with mainly older people with visual impairments, so I need to get out there & visit them. I tried to phone & make a couple of appointments but all I did was cry on the phone so had to ring off.
I finally gave up & went to the shelter again to cuddle the oldies. My Bingo had the big sign on her cage saying "Yippee! I've been Reserved" She sat on my neck again for a cuddle, then when I moved on to cuddle another oldie who was in the next cage I could hear her crying for me to come back to her. So I went back to her & tucked her up in her bed. I can't wait til I can bring her home, & am terrified that they will assess us as not being suitable to re-home a cat!
Like you Jeri I try & post messages here when my husband isn't around - he seems to think it is making me worse, but he's wrong.
Judith
I am so sorry about the pain you are going through over the loss of your kitty. She was an absolutely gorgeous kitty, and I know you miss her terribly. I know all too well the pain that comes with saying good-bye to your best friend and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
It really does my heart good to hear about people not only adopting animals in need of homes, but adopting older kitties that rarely have any chance at survival. When you adopt any animal, it is saving a life, but when you adopt an older kitty, or even an adult kitty, you are truly saving a life and should feel very proud about that!! It is such a wonderful tribute to your Furry that the unconditional love she shared with you drove you to want to pass that along to another. You are going to change that kitties life and show her a love that she has probably never known before...what a gift. Even if this new kitty doesn't have a great deal of time left here on earth, the love she will experience in your care will no doubt erase all the pain that the past has put on her and you are all that will matter to her for eternity....I applaud you for that!
your friend in grief,
Kim
P.S. I don't think you have to worry about being approved
...they would be crazy to pass up a home as loving as yours 
!
It really does my heart good to hear about people not only adopting animals in need of homes, but adopting older kitties that rarely have any chance at survival. When you adopt any animal, it is saving a life, but when you adopt an older kitty, or even an adult kitty, you are truly saving a life and should feel very proud about that!! It is such a wonderful tribute to your Furry that the unconditional love she shared with you drove you to want to pass that along to another. You are going to change that kitties life and show her a love that she has probably never known before...what a gift. Even if this new kitty doesn't have a great deal of time left here on earth, the love she will experience in your care will no doubt erase all the pain that the past has put on her and you are all that will matter to her for eternity....I applaud you for that!
your friend in grief,
Kim
P.S. I don't think you have to worry about being approved
...they would be crazy to pass up a home as loving as yours !
Hello Jeri and Judith,
One thing I expected from the death of a loved furkid was a thunderclap and upheaval of the world. I found that life goes on in spite of our losses and pain. It is up to us to carry on and share our love with those remaining here. Judith, I wish you a successful and fruitful bonding experience when your new furkid arrives. The quality of time is what really matters and not the quantity of time. Love the new furkid every day and give him the quality of life he never had. You will be rewarded by his devotion and love. It will be a tribute to your Furry that you bring joy to one who has only known misery.
Jeri, I know it is so very difficult getting through the grief. Sometimes the world can be a cruel place to survive in. Take it one day at a time and try to get involved in new activities as time permits. The clouds will slowly clear with time. Dwelling on the pain will slow the recovery period. Use that pain as a basis for change in your life and your attitude towards the people and furkids around you. I've found that Daddy Cat taught me to truly appreciate the love around me and to pay more attention to others and their feelings. I hug my remaining furkids more now and try to make the most of each and every day. Each life experience, even the loss of a loved furkid, can make us better people if we learn from their time with us.
All the best,
Ken Albin
One thing I expected from the death of a loved furkid was a thunderclap and upheaval of the world. I found that life goes on in spite of our losses and pain. It is up to us to carry on and share our love with those remaining here. Judith, I wish you a successful and fruitful bonding experience when your new furkid arrives. The quality of time is what really matters and not the quantity of time. Love the new furkid every day and give him the quality of life he never had. You will be rewarded by his devotion and love. It will be a tribute to your Furry that you bring joy to one who has only known misery.
Jeri, I know it is so very difficult getting through the grief. Sometimes the world can be a cruel place to survive in. Take it one day at a time and try to get involved in new activities as time permits. The clouds will slowly clear with time. Dwelling on the pain will slow the recovery period. Use that pain as a basis for change in your life and your attitude towards the people and furkids around you. I've found that Daddy Cat taught me to truly appreciate the love around me and to pay more attention to others and their feelings. I hug my remaining furkids more now and try to make the most of each and every day. Each life experience, even the loss of a loved furkid, can make us better people if we learn from their time with us.
All the best,
Ken Albin
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