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Today I called the vets office and set the date to have Oscar put to sleep. It is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life. I will have three days off to spend to myself before going back to work. I plan to pay in advance so I don't have to try and deal with too much on that day. The weekend before we will dig the grave, and I will have my son make the marker for me. I can't put him in the little family pet cemetery out back because of the water level, so my daughter wants us to use her yard.
All three of my kids have grown up with Oscar. He is the only puppy I have had. My other furbabies have been from shelters ect. I want to give each time for goodbyes and to prepare the best we can.
I feel almost guilty planning things they way I am. Planning the burial, date ( which is Aug 15) , washing his blanket, a final bath ect. For some reason it helps me.
Oscar still eats, goes out to the bathroom, and walks around. His mouth is getting worse and now there is blood in his slobber from biting the tumor when he eats. He looks so sad, and seems so devoid of energy. I want to make the most of the time we have left.

Dear (((((((Nyna22000)))))))

It saddens me to read about your precious boy, Oscar..... I was just about to close down my computer, and your post came into my inbox. Everything you wrote pulled at my heart --- I know how difficult going through this is. Please know that I am sending you & your family big hugs!



Please try not to feel guilty about things you are planning. Whatever is of help to you during what I feel is one of the most difficult times, then you go right ahead and plan things as you are.

Oscar sounds like such a sweet guy ....I am so sorry that he has this tumor!

I am so grateful that we, as their parent's, can help our furkids on their way to Rainbow's Bridge, when it is their time.
Sometimes, we can hope & pray that they pass away in their sleep, but that doesn't happen in most cases.

You love him enough to give him the most precious gift -- and that is, "the gift of peace".

I know that we all love our furkids sooooooo much, and we want them to be here on earth with us ALWAYS......but, when their precious bodies are sick and tired.... then we, as their parent's have to make a decision that is in their best interest.

That's what love is .....

Someone said to me, "You took on Ernestine's pain so that SHE COULD BE WITHOUT PAIN". That is what you will be doing too.
I know that we all love our furbabies so much that we would rather be in pain than having them go through it!

Please, feel free to come here as often as you like, and post your feelings, etc.... I know that when my girl went to the Bridge on Feb 7, 2004....I stayed here for a very long time... It does help..

Your sweet Oscar LOVES YOU.... Spend the time that you have left loving and spoiling him . I know that you will!

God Bless You & Yours!

Love, Denise

nyna,
I am so, so sorry that your time with Oscar here on earth has come to an end. I am so glad that he is with someone who loves him enough to make the most difficult decision anyone could ever make. He certainly does sound as though he has now begun to suffer and his quality of life has left him. You finding the strength to let him go shows how much you love him, and he will carry that love with him for an eternity in heaven. It is a blessing that we have that gift to give to our babies...the gift of releasing them from their pain.
Don't feel guilty in planning out his last days. It is something that I strangely wish I would have done. When I finally realized that I could no longer deny that Sasha couldn't live the way she was living anymore, I had to do it that day, that moment, or I'm afraid I would have backed out...that wouldn't have done anyone any favors, it is just the way I had to do it. We all do what we have to do to get through what needs to be done whether that be planning it out, or acting now, we do what we have to do because we love them.
I have no doubt that you are doing what needs to be done for your sweet Oscar, and although you will torture yourself with all the stuff that we all do when we make that decision (i.e. did I do it too soon?, did I wait too long?, was he really ready?, does he know I did it because I love him so much?) know in your heart that you are making the right decision for him and your love for him wil get you through it. Please let us know when your appointment is so we can keep you close to our hearts during that time and pray for you, your family, and Oscar for his journey home....
Your friend in grief,
Kim

Nyna - I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is difficult to plan for what but must be, but it sounds as if your furbaby is getting worse with the tumor bleeding. You are doing the right thing, though it is hard to feel that way, I know, we all know here, how difficult it is, and are here for you, I would write more, but I'm having an exceptionally bad day, but just know, I am thinking of you and your family, and know you are doing the right thing. I know it hurts, but keep in touch here., ok, I know they will help you here.

I'm so sorry. Try to spend as much time with him as you can. Speak to him and tell him everything you have ever wanted to say. Tell him that later you will be together again. Tell him to be happy while he waits for you. Thank him for all the joy and love he has given you. That's what I did with my dog on his last day on this earth.

I appreciate all of the support. I do think should I wait, am I doing the right thing ect. My Mom keeps saying how he still gets around and eats, and he does, but not like he use to.
Oscar is a fluffy, furry, totally mixed up, mixed breed with a wonderful personality. I call him Oscar Mayer and sing the hot dog song all the time to him. Even though I regret doing it I feel I am making the right decision for him. I know he'll be waiting for me when my time comes. Nina

Nyna- I am very sorry for your impending loss. Spend as much time with him as you can (which I am sure you will!) If you haven't already, think about making a permanent keepsake paw print so that you will always have it. I did this for Mocha the night before I had to put her to sleep and am so glad that I did.

KimR- I made the decision to euthanize Mocha just as you did with Sasha. I knew the time was coming, but when I woke up that morning and saw her, I made the decision and carried out that same morning. Although I have feelings of guilt over making the decision like I did, I know that it was the only way I could have done it. I tried to "plan her last days" as I had originally decided that I would keep Mocha over the weekend and take her that Monday, but when I woke up Saturday morning and saw her face, saw her vomiting, I knew I had to do it. I know I could have had her a bit longer, know she would have still been with me at least a few days, although it would have been so hard on her. I know she was not comfortable. I guess I rationally realized it and followed through.

Hi Nina,
I just posted a response to you in Linda's thread before realizing your own story was here. Now I feel even more compassionate because it seems that your Oscar suffers from a similar, if not the same, condition as my Spike. Spike had been diagnosed with malignant oral melanoma in early 2004. Because of his age and other health concerns, we opted for simple surgery with no follow-up except for the care of a wonderful holistic vet who helped Spike outlive the original prognosis by more than two years.

We also had two surgeries and, at the time Spike told me it was time to say good-bye, another growth had formed in his muzzle and was threatening to invade the nasal passage. He was old, sick, weak and was having trouble walking, and I knew the instant when "it was time" and made the decision in a heartbeat although I still can't believe I was able to do what needed to be done. Did I later doubt my decision and second-guess myself? Of course...most of us do, but we know in our heart of hearts that these impossible decisions, made out of deep love and compassion, are always right.

Please don't even question the ways in which you are preparing for this heartbreaking event. I remember how, when my husband and I got home after that last sad trip to the vet, I went into a kind of "purge trance", methodically throwing away, giving away, laundering and sanitizing anything that might remind me of Spike and make me sad. That meant going through every cabinet, closet and dressers as well as other more obvious places, both indoors and out. Each time I though I'd covered everything, I opened a door or a drawer, only to find some little reminder of Spike's presence...and oh so painful absence.

That guy had been my best friend and companion for 14 years, so his trail was everywhere. (The day after Spike died, I opened the freezer and found a bag of blackberries that I had picked the previous summer during one of our walks. I'm happy to say that, instead of freaking, I concocted a smoothie which I took out to the deck where Spike loved to lounge and drank a toast to his life...almost choked from sobbing while drinking, but I got it down!)

After throwing away Spike's many unused meds and supplements, I felt terrible because I could have donated them to someone through my vet. When I read posts about how other people had left everything as it was before their pet's death and yet others who had kept a special "blankie" or pillow that still carried their pet's scent, I began to think I was some kind of insensitive monster.

Would I change anything I did, or the way I did it, during those first terribly painful days? Probably so. I do sometimes wish I could bury my face in something that smells like his fur. Even so, I trust that everything I did then was what had to be done...in just that way...in order to start the healing process.

Sorry...I've gone on a lot longer than I'd planned. I hope that you continue to use this incredible site for as long as you feel the need. We are all here to listen, comfort and provide support as you travel the uneven road to peace and acceptance.

Juanita....Loving Mom of Angel Spike

thank you ,Juanita I thought maybe it was just me. I don't want to erase Oscar, I plan to take lots of pictures. I am planning things so when the say comes , I won't have to think. I told my husband I even want to pre-pay just so we don't have to deal with the little stuff. My son will make me a cross and I found a cute little dog birdfeeder I am going to get as markers.
I do plan on being off afew days to mourn and to spoil his little sister, Jasmine.
We put him through two surgeries on his mouth, but now it would entail removal of chunks of his jaw bones. Even then they would not get it all. I think he has breathing issues as he has always been a belly sleeper. Now he is always on his side.
I will do cleaning and plenty of it as the soft food he needs to eat also causes other issues. I will get different smaller dishes for Jasmine, and life will go on. I will have my memories, my pictures and videos , and a lot of family support.
Nina

Nina,

Oscar and Jasmine are lucky little creatures indeed. I am happy to know that you are taking lots of pictures. Not having done this over the course of Spike's life is a major regret. The only real visual record I have of my sweetie is a videotape I made of him over Thanksgiving weekend that hurts as much as it helps. Spike was already having problems navigating, balancing and walking around, but when I took him to the vet, he seemed to normalize. So I taped him for about 45 minutes as he roamed from room to room so our vet could see just how much trouble he was having. I have only viewed it once since Spike died, and it was bittersweet to say the least. Maybe in time I will see more of the good and less of the sad while watching it.
I will keep you, dear Oscar, little Jasmine and the rest of your family in my prayers. You are doing a wonderful job with all of this.

Juanita....Loving Mom of Angel Spike