I lost my cat Smiggles on Wed and I'm overcome with grief. I'm experiencing so many emotions at the minute that I feel like I'm going crazy... Why didn't I stop stop it?
I came down as usual on Wed morning and she wasn't there. I thought she must be out chasing birds and thought nothing of it and just asked my housemate to feed her when she came in. Eight hours later, I arrived home...still no Smiggles. I knew then there was something really wrong- She would never stay out this long. My stomach was in knots as I went out to search for her.

Three hours passed, and still no sign. Then I noticed my neighbour pull up in her car.. "Are you looking for your cat?" she asked. "Yes" I said, "have you seen her?" "I'm sorry" she said "my friend was driving to work this morning and he seen a dead black and white cat on the footpath, he said it looked very like yours.." I broke down immediately.. No, it couldn't be my Smiggles. She would never go near the main road, she was frightened of traffic. I ran to the road at the end of the street. I felt sick with guilt-It didn't seem that far away now. I trawled through the bushes on either side of the road, nothing.
I went home and cried like I've never cried before, I've been crying for 3 days now and I don't think I'll ever stop. Everywhere I look I see her. She looks at me with those big yellow green eyes and I feel like my heart's going to burst.
For a while I thought it mightened have been her, but I know I was just deluding myself. Where did her body go? I rang all the vets and sanctuarys in the hope that she might have been alive and someone took her to get fixed... but no. Reluctantly I rang he street cleaning crew and they've seen nothing either.
Part of me still lives in hope that it wasn't her and she'll walk through the door any minute and statrt rubbing round my legs.

Everyone says it'll get easier with time but I can't stand life without her. I've put posters up in the hope that whoever lifted her will contact me. I want to hold her in my arms again and tell her how much I love her. I need closure, but for now I just can't let go.

I can't imagine the pain of not knowing what happened to her. I've read stories about missing children - to me, pets are almost the same - and parents almost always say the same thing - "If we only knew for sure . . . " The uncertainty must be indescribably horrific. I'm so, so sorry. It sounds as though you've done about everything you could, which unfortunately some folks wouldn't. If Smiggles (what a great name, by the way) wasn't actually dead, she may have been so badly injured that she went off by herself. Cats will do that, I know. Again unfortunately, you may never know, in that case.

I don't know what to say to give you some comfort. I'm not sure there is anything to be said. It goes without saying that I hope and pray that you will find out, whether or not it's a bad outcome. It's a kind of hellish limbo you're going through, and words just don't fit.

If she doesn't turn up, and if you feel you have to accept what may be inevitable, give yourself time to grieve. Closure would be ideal, of course, but closure very often takes a long time to come, if it ever really does, and sometimes I think it doesn't. For now, you've done what you could, and Smiggles, wherever she is, would be grateful. You care , and so many people in your position wouldn't. Give yourself credit for that, and give yourself time. You'll both be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care - Barbara

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Not knowing what really happened to Smiggles. I cannot even begin to imagine what happened, but I was wondering, where you live, to they have an animal control in your town. Where I live, if there is an injured pet, or a pet wandering, or even one that has been found deceased, we call animal control, and they come out for the animal and transport it to the appropriate place. I know you called the street cleaning people, but if your pet was off street and on and on a path, maybe someone called animal control, or maybe, like Barbara said, your cat may just have gotten off someplace and hidden very well. I have heard like Barbara said, that is just how cats are. In any case, I am sorry for what you are going through, and hope that you can find out what happened. Either way, we know you are saddened and suffering and my heart goes out to you and prayers for comfort.
Trish

Oh my...I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through with worry about Smiggles. I don't know what to say that will help...I too would be overcome with the unknown. I will be sending positive thoughts that you come to know something...

Please keep us updated and know we care.

Thankyou so much for sharing your experiences and your wonderful support. I was so bitter at first when I lost my baby Smiggles, I couldn't understand why God was letting this happen to me when I loved and cared for her so much. She was only 2 and so many people have cats live well into their teens. I realise now I'm not the only one to go through this and that there are so many others in the same boat, desperately missing their pets.
I'm going to hold a little service for her at the weekend to officially say goodbye. Seeing as I never found her body I'm collecting all her little cat hairs from around the house, I'm going to put them in a box and bury them in the front garden where she used to lie.
I've been sleeping with her picture under my pillow. It's great to talk to her last thing at night and first thing in the morning. I still see and feel her everywhere...I hope I always will.


*** SMIGGLES ***