Hello everyone. I am very thankful to have found this site. It was been very comforting to me.

I lived with a wonderful male cat named Cleo for 18 years. We had a long full life together. His kidney's started failing 1 1/2 yrs ago - he was in the hospital for hydration in Aug 2005, but given his advanced age, I did not want to do anything extraordinary. He had lost half his body weight. I took extra good care of him this last year, so we had almost a another full year together.

I am very glad to have been off of work on vacation this last whole week as I had lots of quality time with Cleo. He seemed to be doing OK, but very clingy. On Thursday, my birthday, I came home from dinner with friends and he was very weak. Did he wait until the day was over on purpose? He could barely stand up and walk - it was as if he was paralyzed. I spent all night with him on the floor, petting him, and telling him it was OK to let go. I kept hoping and praying he would die naturally, so I would not have to make the decision. Last year, I had made my criteria list of when it was time to have him euthanized...it was so hard to accept it may be time.

Cleo did make it through the night, but was so weak...I held him for one last time on my chest at home and he put his head under my chin and purred. I took him to the vet, who was kind and gentle. They had a special room set up like a living room. I held him one last time on my chest as the vet gave him the injection. He was looking at me, sighed, and then laid his head down.

I know it was his time and it was the right thing to do. But, I feel so sad and alone. The house is so quiet. I keep thinking I see him, his gray form in all his favorite spots. I also keep hearing his meow. Phantom sounds.

It was helped to read all of your stories. It helps me put words to how I am feeling. It is OK to cry and grieve. Cleo was my loving companion for 18 years, such a big part of my life and it is a great loss.

As everyone says, you will know when it is time...time to let go, time to grieve, time to believe in the Rainbow bridge, and hopefully when time to get a another cat companion...

Thank you for reading my story and sharing in my loss.

RIT

Rit,

Sorry to hear about your loss and thank you for your condolences in my thread about my buddy Simba. I denfinately know what you mean about the house being so quiet. My home feels so empty and very lonely now that my best friend is gone. I still keep looking down at my feet once in a while to see if he is laying down by them while I am typing at the computer.

18 years must have given you alot of great memories of you and Cleo. Remember those and tell yourself that he had a great home and a person that loved him very much and gave him a great life.

Maybe Cleo and Simba are playing together right now and talking about us. My ears are ringing today

Rit - I am so sorry about your Cleo. Your story of your life together was so touching. It made me cry. You cared for him so much, and it is obvious that he loved you so much too. You did the right thing. You were with him til the end. My cat Scooter, had to be euthanized 2 weeks ago today. He was diagnosed with kidney failure at 4 years old. We gave him the subcutaneous fluids at home a few times a week, and the special KD diet. He did bounce back to almost his normal weight of 11 pounds for well over a year. 3 months ago, he started losing ground again, and in the end, he was just under 7 pounds. So, we understand so much your loss. You were a loving parent and did the ultimate thing for your beloved pet. I'm sure our Scooter is with your Cleo and Simba, all playing together. I swear I got a sign from our Scooter today. He always loved to drink from water fawcets. I was in the bathroom and the nightlight went out. This is the switch on kind. Well, when I turned the water fawcet on, the light came back on. I checked to see if the bulb was tight, and it was. I like to think that it was Scooter letting me know he is with us in spirit as well as in our hearts. You will grieve and please come here and talk to us. I have found so much comfort here, and it's a great place to vent all your feelings. Still, your story was beautiful. I wish more vets would offer that living room setting, instead of the table. I asked for a lambswool cover for the table, since Scooter was so small in the end. We wanted him as comfortable as possible. They did everything we requested. You were holding your baby when he went, and tha was so touching when he looked up at you and then rested his head back on your chest. My hugs and sincere sympathy go out to you.
Scooter's Mom

RIT,
I had a cat with kidney failure also. She was able to make it 9 months before she left us. For Cleo to stay with you for 1 1/2 years is a remarkable tribute to the care you took of him. You can and should be proud that you helped him prolong his joy with you for that long. I am in awe that you could do that.

Your story of his leaving was so - well, beautiful to read. I hear some really sad stories of loved ones leaving that are heartbreaking, but your words were very special, and Cleo knew till the very end that you were with him and that you were loving him so much. Thank you for sharing that with us.

I'm glad to know that you will consider, when the time is right, that you will honor Cleo by adding another cat companion to your heart. I did that - couldn't stand the quiet and being without that unconditional love - and I have never regretted for a moment adding not one, but five, feline friends to my life. While I wouldn't suggest starting out with five (they all adopted me, really), it can be very healing to have another cat to share your life with. No cat could replace Cleo, but that isn't the point, anyway - the point is that you have that furry feline life which, if you've lived with one for 18 years, can be hard to live without. Cleo has taught you things about life and love which can benefit another cat, and you may not even realize it yet.

Please come back and share with us your journey. My cat was almost 18 when she passed due to the kidney failure, and that was in 2001, and some days the grief is still as fresh as it ever was. You have my deepest sympathy for your loss, so please let yourself grieve, and we will be there for you. Take care - Barbara

i am so sorry for your loss. having lost my brat of 18 yrs on june 12 of this year, i certainly feel your pain.

thank you for sharing your story. i know that it can be hard to share these memories. you did a wonderful thing for your kitty, in loving him so much. sometimes, no matter how much you love them, it isnt enough to save them, but it is enough for them to know how much you care.

i wish you all the best. right now i know this is hard for you (as it still is for me) but i know that cleo wouldn't want you to suffer so much. he loved you and wanted you to be happy. and you are right, you will know when it is time for a new friend.

Ahhh...the wonder of the internet. Connections and comfort from afar. Thank you all for your very kind words. I keep reading and re-reading, crying and crying today. Our connection through grief and the thoughts of our beloved pets is so strong.

I miss Cleo so much. I do keep thinking of the sad last moments and try to focus on the many happy memories. I keep telling myself, there is nothing to regret. I did all the "right things" for both of us. It's almost selfish to have wanted more than 18 yrs given his illness.

I am already thinking of sharing my life with another feline friend. At times I feel "guilty," but your words help me see how much I have to offer. And, it would honor Cleo's life. Thanks for helping me realize this, especially Barbara/5Catsmom.

I keep hoping for some signs too...like the nighlight flicking on from Scooter? A small message that Cleo is OK now and will always be with me in spirit. Cleo too loved to drink from the tub faucet...too funny how similar cats can be!

Thinking of Scooter, Simba and Cleo running around together somewhere makes me smile amidst the tears. Yes, they are telling each other about us - their caregivers and best friends!

RIT

Rit - I am glad you have found comfort here. I have cried as I have read the stories, and feel everyone's pain, but, it helps to give comfort to everyone else too. I was going to try and do Scooter's little memorial garden, but, it is way to hot and humid here today. I will do what is suggested, and wait until it is cooler. My husband and I refilled the hummingbird feeder today. Scooter loved watching the hummingbirds zip in and out (we did to). Today is a day, to just relax, and try to take care of ourselfes. Grief is somthing that drains you completely. Again, your story warmed my heart, and I hope you continue to fine comfort and peace here. I know that I do.

Trish

I am sorry. I am sure Cleo is OK. You set him free. I know greif is painful. Cry if you feel like.

I tried to &%^yse what grief is. It has to be related to love. let your grief go through. Please come back soon and share your feeling with all these people who care.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS. CLEOS STORY IS BEAUTIFUL! I HAD 10 WONDERFUL YEARS WITH CHARLIE, HE DID GET ROBBED OF YEARS BUT THAT DREADED DISEASE TOOK HIS LIFE WITHOUT US KNOWING. I LOST MY OTHER BABY BOY GIZMO 2 YEARS AGO TO CRF SO I KNOW WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH WITH CLEO. I HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD CAT DARLA WHO IS REALLY LONESOME NOW! NOT READY FOR ANOTHER ONE YET!! MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU

Hi Rit;
I am so sorry about Cleo, and but so happy that you were able to keep her with you for so long after the disease started to progress.
I lost by baby girl a week ago and she has left behind her brother who is 17 and starting to show signs of aging. At the end of her disease, Ella would very politely wait at the sliding door in the morning, go out to the garage and stay in her outside bed until we brought her in at night. Then she would sleep on the couch on some incontinent pads and woolies.
But prior to her feeling so ill, she slept upstairs in our bedroom. I had my carpets cleaned just the other day, after she had passed and they showed me with one of those nasty black lights that Ella had been peeing for quite a long time upstairs in our bedroom on the floor. I thought it had only started in the last 2 months but it looks as if it was going on for longer. In fact it was her incontinence that tipped us off that she was sick. She started to pee on beds and couches and carpets. This was a cat that NEVER peed outside of the box.
Because I quite expect PT do have the same issue hopefully not for somtime, what do you do? I had put down incontinence pads all over the floor for Ella in the end but she wasn't using those ...she was just voiding where she lay. It was very sad.
Do you crate them? That seems cruel. Do you keep them in one room but then you never see them? Do you say what the hell and replace the carpets later? What do you do? What did you do? I am looking for ways to be positive about what might lie ahead in the coming months.

Ella and PT's Mom

[SIZE=14][COLOR=green][FONT=Impact]
Dear Rit
I saw your posting the other night---but wasnt a member and had a problem with registration
Tonight I did the process again---but I am so blurry eyed I will have to follow up on this another time.
I just wanted to tell you that your story was beautiful, and that I shared my life with male, grey tabbies who would have been 18 in October.
My Frisky was emaciated too at the end---he died August 16th of cancer and renal failure. His twin brother Whisky died July 9th of cancer. I am overwhelmed as you can imagine---to have had them for so long is a true blessing---but being without them both now is sheer torture.
I wonder about adopting another someday---and if I can ever love quite this way again.
How is it going for you? Please feel free to write, and know that my sympathy and heart go out to you.

Rit,
I am going through the same thing right now. Precious, my 19 year old Siamese/Himalayan/Turkish Angora mix, died on 06 August (same day as my nephew's 25th birthday). Very sad coincidence. Mine was sick briefly and became weaker and weaker. I still held out hope for a miracle, though sadly it never came. I had him since he was 31 days old. He's still with me in many ways (though in an oak urn now) but I can smell him, feel him near me at bedtime before I go to sleep (which is amazing because I didn't sleep much when he was sick) and in my mind can hear him. After knowing every little quirk, every little sigh, it's still with me and won't leave me.
Just know Cleo will not leave you!! She'll be with you forever, in your heart and soul. I thank God every day I spent with Precious. I miss him.
Lisa

Thanks to everyone for all the kind comments. I continue to be amazed by all the long life cats and loving owners here! 17 yrs, 18 yrs, 23 yrs. Way cool.

Although it is hard to imagine my new kitty being with me that long again.