It's been a week since we picked up Scooter's cremains. They are in a beautiful mahogany box. I put a picture of him in it, with one of his toy mice he loved to play with, a little angel, and in sealed plastic, the fur they shaved from his leg to sent him to the Bridge. I finally put them in a safe place, in my glass cabinet. I thought earlier today, that I had just put him in a cabinet, but just realized that I put his box in my glass cabinet, that holds all of my beautiful Seraphim angels. He is surrounded by beautiful angels, and I didn't even realize that's what I had done, until now. I have been so grief stricken that I can hardly function. I get up every day and go through the motions. My poor husband, every night, he asks what's for dinner. It's a good thing he's a patient man and is grieving in his own way. I actually vacuumed today. I had the vacuum out for 4 days before I actually vacuumed. I'm trying to hard to be some kind of normal, but finding it so difficult. I can't believe Scooter is gone. I miss him sleeping on my side, or jumping up on any counter to get a drink of water when we'd turn the fawcet on, or resting on the toilet seat while I took my shower. I actually turned on the water in the bathroom sink while I took my shower last night. It is just to quiet. I am feeling so sick to my stomach, I have not talked to my family. I need them, but they will just judge me and my grief. I wish someone could just put their arms around me, and understand, and let me let my sorrow flow out of me. I feel like I am getting worse instead of better. I hurt so so bad. Being with him in his final moments was a blessing and a curse. Now I can't get the picture of him all still and quiet, though at peace. I want my baby back, and I know I can't,but know you all understand what I mean. Someone, hug me please?

Hugs, Shortrish

I think everyone on this board knows what you're feeling. The loss is so profound, you feel like it just has to be a bad dream and are stunned all over again each time you think maybe it is, look hopefully at the spot where your friend should be, and realize again for the hundredth time that it isn't a dream. A week is a short time to deal with such a loss, so do try to hang in. If people around you don't seem to understand, it's just as likely that they're only wishing you not to be hurting so much.

Take care.

Thanks for the hug - My mom asked if I wanted to come to visit them on Sunday for brunch. I really don't feel up to it. If I see my family, I will only disolve in tears in front of everyone. I am just not ready yet, and I hope they understand.

Oh boy, do I know those days when you just wish everything would go back to where it was, before what happened, happened. The everyday things can be so hard to get through. I remember going to the grocery after I lost Magic - I couldn't believe no one could tell the pain I was going through, I felt like it had to be visible - what's wrong with everyone? I also felt that there had to be something wrong with my not getting "better" so soon after I lost her, especially since it was right before Christmas - I was positive I couldn't function. But I had to. since there seemed no alternative. And what was wrong with everyone that they couldn't see the grief and express their sympathy?

You know, it's only been a little while since it happened, and you lost Scooter. That's really a very short time to expect yourself to recover from the grief. Grief can be so exhausting, and when you have responsibilities for other people, can seem so very overwhelming. I've found through sad experience that you can hurt for far longer than you or your family think you "should". There are no "shoulds" when it comes to grief. Allow yourself to have the time, to cry, to put the vacuum cleaner to use when you think it's time. I'm glad your husband is patient, and it does sound as though your family is trying in their maybe awkward way to comfort you.

You have all our hugs in this time - don't ever doubt that. And don't doubt that you can say anything or express any emotion here - we've all been there. I wish I could take your grief on, but you'll have to do that, and you will get through it, and Scooter and his spirit will be always there for you. Please take care of yourself, let yourself cry, and vent, and rage, and hurt - it's all part of the healing, and you will heal, although I know it seems like it will never happen.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs, and tears and prayers too - Barbara

Barbara- Thank you for the hugs. I am sooooo tired, I think I'd better cuddle up in bed and try and get some sleep. I will write again tomorrow. I hope it's not to hot tomorrow. I want to plant a little memorial garden for Scooter, where he used to look out the kitchen window at this little chipmunk that would visit, and the hummingbirds. Your kind and thoughtful words and hugs helped.

Trish
Hugs and Love Back to You

Trish,
I think one of the things that really surprised me (beyond all the sadness) was that grief has to be one of the most exhausting emotions there are. It sucks everything out of you, and of course interferes with all those other little chores and things you have to get done for family, other pets, etc. If you don't have the energy tomorrow to plant that garden - and by the way - that's a beautiful tribute to Scooter - wait and do it when the time feels right and you won't get heat sickness. One of the things I used to enjoy before this summer and the losses of the cats was gardening - one of my elusive feral cats used to sometimes come around and after eating would sit there and stare at me like he was saying "What in the world would you be doing that stuff for?" And you may have to wait till the weather cools, wherever you are. Whatever you do, I suggest planting catnip. Whether Scooter liked it or not I don't know - apparently there are some cats who are immune to the effects - but it's easy to grow and your garden may become one of the most popular places with other cats in the neighborhood. It can smell pretty good, too, and seems to self-sow fairly well.

I hope you get some rest, though. I never used to have trouble sleeping till Magic passed, and sometimes the pictures just won't stop in my head at night. Maybe it's the effect of the anti-depressants - I don't know, but my kids come home from the grandparents' farm in Iowa this weekend, so I need to regulate sleeping patterns, too.

So, again, hugs and sleep well and know that thoughts and prayers are being sent your way, and Scooter's way, too. Take care - Barb

Shortrish, BIG BIG HUGS!!!!
It's funny that you mention family. I have a family reunion coming up in a few weeks and I REALLY REALLY don't want to go. I spoke with my dad tonight over the phone. He asked how I was and I said 'coping'. He told me how Blackjack had a great life and I treated him really well. He should have stopped there because then he went on to say 'you gotta get over it. that's part of life.' (Not helpful at all.) Then he said 'i don't know what to say' and then went on to say 'okay, cheer up.' I quickly changed the subject after that.

it makes me mad that he doesn't understand how much pain i'm in, but i can't really fault him for not knowing what to say. (i actually wish he wouldn't say anything.) sadly, he's never experienced the special feeling that animals can bring to one's life. i just have to realize that there are people who understand and those who don't and as much as we would like our family members to be the ones who comfort us, most times (for me anyway), they're not.

give yourself time to do the things YOU need to do.

Dear Trish,
I can't belive you took the time to reach out and comfort me when you are suffering every bit as much as I am. I haven't vacuumed for 8 days now. Somehow the dog fur comforts me.Haley was really furry. The house is a mess. My family walks in and asked me whats for dinner as well. I have tried to cook a little but most times I just said I had some cheeze-its. Go out or whatever. I've turned into a nasty old shrew. I just don't care. You make me want to try and be a nicer person. I know I will have to pretend that I'm "snapping out of this" as they say but you and I and everyone else on this site know the truth. This hurts and it is hard to function, hard to pretend that life moves forward, hard to get up and take a shower, get dressed or care what we wear. I love the thought of Scooter being surrounded by angels. I can picture that in my mind if I close my eyes. Haley is in my backyard and we had the most terrible lightening and thunderstorm last night. She hated thunder. I hate the thought of her in the ground but I was so distraught at the vet when they asked me what I wanted to do I just let my husband take care of everything. I din't want to leave her there. I bought her a little stone that says. " A best friend leaves footprints on your heart" and it has a little pawprint on it. I stare at it for a good part of the day. It doesn't make me feel better. I just do it anyway. I know we will "get through" this. We don't have a choice. But that doesn't mean it will be easy. Thank you so very much for being there for me. It mean so much. Hugs,hugs, and more hugs.
Jeri Haleys Mom

Dear Shortrish,
It will be week tomorrow that I lost my beloved Furry, so I know how you are feeling. I found this poem, which I hope you will take some comfort from:-

Weep not for me though I am gone
Into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will, but not for long
Upon my soul's sweet flight.
I am at peace, my soul's at rest,
There is no need for tears.
For with your love I was so blessed
For all those many years.
There is no pain, I suffer not,
The fear now all is gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts
In your memory I live on.
Remember not my fight for breath
Remember not the strife.
Please do not dwell upon my death,
But celebrate my life.

Love & sharing your tears, Judith

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry you are feeling so sad. It is normal. You are grieving, it hasntbeen that long so the pain is so fresh. You are in my thoughts!

Michelle

Hi and hugs to everyone who responded here. I'm having a teary moment, my stomach has revolted against me from the stress of the last two weeks. My husband is exhausted from working out in the New Jersey Shore heat, and just can't cope with my sadness. So, I'm here again. He's napping with the 3 furbabies we still have. I did talk to my younger son today. He understands, but I kept pretty much my feelings to myself. We talked about other stuff. My husband said we'll go out to the store when he's done with his nap. We'll just see if my stomach agree's with that or not. Food, yuck, cleaning, even yuckier, but I did manage a little cleaning.(Very little). Scooter used to like to walk from the kitchen table onto the counter. When he would do this, he would brush past one of the kitchen curtains and his fur would stick there. I would either just wash it or put it in the dryer to take off the fur. Now, I just want to leave it there, so I will. My mom said I'm nuts (go figure that one out). After what I and you have been through, I think we are entitled to be, how shall I say it, out of our minds? I just do what I want, when I want, if I want. Meal time here is less than desirable. I actually made scrambled eggs and toast one night for me and my husband, and heated up one of those prepared cooked turkey breasts, already prepared rice, and opened a can of veggies. I am sick of pizza. I guess chinese is next on the list, but it's too hot for food anyway now. Oh, well, everyone, please, take care, and thank you again for all of your kind words and encouragement. I'll be writing again.
Trish (Scooter's Mommy)

I hate grief also. I hate the way it makes you so drained and exhausted when there are so many things to be done and you don't feel like doing it. If a human dies, people kind of rally around and help you in your grief, but if it's a pet, they don't help out or anything. When I feel really upset, I force myself to remember that it's only a temporary separation and I will see my beloved dog again.

Here's Scooter ast Rainbow Bridge.

Baby Kings MamaPerson

Baby King's Mama Person = Again, ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) from me for that picture of Scooter at The Rainbow Bridge. Today, I have had my teary moments, but I have also been remembering all the silly things he did that made us laugh and smile. I remember him running across the living room, jumping up onto the couch and leaping of like super kitty. And he would make funny noises when he would charge across the floor. And, for some silly reason, he liked to jump up the wall near a corner by the closet. The paint is still chiipped from him doing that. So many happy memories of him. I am trying to remember the happy times. I know that he visited me today with somthing that happened. I miss him cuddling with me, and sleeping on my side. It is so empty there at night now. When the weather is cooler, I will put in a little memorial garden for Scooter. I too, found a heart shaped plaque that has a picture of a kitty on it, and it says "cats leave paw prints on our hearts". This is also true of dogs too. I plan on putting that in his little memorial garden, but for now, it is where I can see it every day. It's late here now, and two of my furbabies just got into an awful fight. Boo and Gabbie really got into it. My husband and I went running. They have gotten into it before, but we have never heard screams coming from Gabbie like that before. Boo is almost 7 and she is about 2. They are all neutered and spayed. Does anyone know what could be going on? I am exhausted, but the two of them will probably be sleeping next to each other tonight on the bed. And our poor Fidget, he just comes running with this concerned look on his face, like what the heck is going on now. I thought I'd try and do somthing normal like watch a movie on cable. Guess what I chose to watch? Titanic. Well, I'm going to make a cup of tea and call it a night (or morning, it is almost 1am here.

trish,
i say, don't worry about housework, food, etc. until you're ready. it took me a month to think about doing anything around the house. (luckily my boyfriend was here to do laundry.) other than that, nada. i still can't vacuum around blackjack's beds. and food. no interest and when i do, i crave total comfort food. stuff i haven't touched in years.
i think your other furbabies are grieving in their own way and adjusting to the new 'pecking order' without scooter. they'll figure it out.
try to take care of yourself and do whatever feels good right now.
debbie

Trish - listening to your intuition about housework and meals sounds very normal and healthy. You can't rush grief. Keep listening to your own voice. This will honor Scooter's life.

It helps me tremendously to hear how things are going too - it is normal what we are going through.

I LOVED reading about some of your happy memories of Scooter. Thanks for sharing!

RIT

PS. I too am a gardener and feed the birds. Cleo loved looking out the window too. What a great idea - to do a memorial to him outside somewhere.