Just a quick word, now that I am back from a horrible three week holiday abroad. For a while there I kept the suffering after loosing Guinny away. But then we went on holiday with the two children of my boyfriend and one of them threated me just awefull. I ended up crying most of the time and feeling left behind by everyone. I realized that every time I felt left out in this family (a lot) I'd turn to Guinny and I'd think and say to him: "I do not care, I have you and that makes everything ok." I'd take him for a walk and hug him bigtime and I'd be ok. But he is gone and there is nowone to compensate for the bad times. Guinny is dead, my parents are dead, my family is in turmoil and one brother and sister hardly speak to me anymore, half the time I live with a family that is not my own and I keep feeling they do not really want me there (his kids). My best friend did not understand my pain after the death of Guinny and I think I am dissapointed because of that, so we do not have as much contact as before. My heart is filled with such emptiness and it only gets worse and worse.

Why do all the bad things come close together?

I told my boyfriend how I felt, that nowone can ever take the place of Guinny, can ever mean as much to me as he did. I explained why that is and he understood and said he would try his best to give me as much love and affection as possible. But living with his kids makes me unhappy at the moment, because I am never fully accepted, after three and a half years they still see me as a stranger.
All that terrible holiday I cried and wished that Guinny would come back, although I know that is rediculous since he can never come back.
How can things ever get better? It is terribly depressing.

Essy

Essy I am really sad about your losses. We get so attached to our furbabies and they except and love us unconditionaly.
Maybe you need to change your situation if you are being made so miserable. The thing about his kids, is they will always be there. I don't know your situation or theres, but they aren't ever going away. They may move out, but they will always be there. Maybe group therapy or counseling to find out what their issue with you is.
No one should have to go through life miserable, we're only given one.
Right now I am on borrowed time with my baby Oscar. He has a very aggressive tumor for which there is no further help. I have made the decision that when the time comes I will put him to sleep. I do this out of love. I know it will be a rough road, but that at the end he will be waiting for me.
I hope things get better both in getting through your grief, and taking control of your life. Nina

Essy - I too am having problems with my family not understanding the extent of my grief. I don't even bother talking to them, I keep my pain to myself, except for here, where people understand and don't judge you for how you're feeling. My own parents, I stay away from them and my grown boys, well, I really don't talk to them. There are problems there too. I am angry at my friends, so I don't even bother with them. I figure they think I'm crazy for mourning our Scooter like I am. Well, I really don't care about them or what they think anymore. I will grieve in my own way and in my own time, I know things will (I hope) get better. I am so sorry for your loss and the way you're being treated. The only thing I can say is just keep comunicating with your significant other, your feelings. As far as the kids go, I really don't have any advice on that. Just come here and talk to us and vent as much as you want to. We understand.
Trish

Essy,

I'm really sorry about everything you're going through.

You don't deserve to be treated bad. Here you are, going through this excruciating grief, and you deserve only love, understanding, and support !!!

When I lost my Little Girl, I ended a friendship of 15 years because of her callousness over my grief.

As the others said, you can come to us. We'll listen and help you through. And I pray that your boyfriend is loving and supportive.

Although I know you miss your Guinny terribly, please know that he's okay in the realm he's in --- where there's no distress of any kind, and no sense of separation from you. You'll be reunited when it's your time, and to Guinny, it will be like no time has passed.

In the meantime, do whatever YOU need to do.

Maybe Guinny will lead you to another needy animal who needs you (in his honor, of course, and only if you're ready).

Please keep in touch!

Love and understanding and prayers,

Kathy

Thanks so much for all your reaction. I just feel terribly lost and lonely in life right now and that is when you need your furbaby most, isn't it. And now that he is gone, well, I just feel ... lost. I guess things you would cope with otherwise are just to much right now.
I understand completely what you say about the understanding of others. It is so dissapointing to find they do not take your grief seriously. Even if they do not feel these things for an animal themselves, the least they could do is respect the hurt of others as real and difficult. Why is that so hard for a lot of people? And since they are supposed to be friends who were always there before, it is very hard to go passed that for me. As a consequence you do not only loose your furbaby, but also your faith in a lot of people, whereas this is a moment in life when they should be there for you.

I once read in a book that loneliness is as if your heart feels like a big hole where the cold wind blows through. That the only thing you can do is to accept this, bearing in mind that it will get better again.
It is a terrible feeling.

I decided as well to come here for the much needed comfort. At least here I am sure people understand me, which can not be said for most friends in my life right now. I hope my Guinny knows that I will love him no matter what anyone says and that nowone can ever be such a special friend as he was, that I do not even want another dog right now because I could never give them as much love as Guinny and they deserve it just the same. Maybe in time, but not now.

It is too bad that sadness has to be a big part of life as well.

Thank you all for your kindness
Essy