How can I even put the grief into words? It hurts.

There are days when I stay busy and I don't "think" too much. There are times when the grief is overwhelming. I cry a lot - and my husband does too.

I wonder if that HUGE, empty, painful space in our lives will ever seem less huge, less empty, and less painful.

For me, I don't think the grief will ever end - I will simply get used to it. For other, and blessed they are, the grief grows less over time.

Baby Jake, if you only knew how much of my heart you were - then you would know how much of my heart is now missing! For all out there who are missing a chunk of their heart - I feel for you and wish you peace!

Jake's Mom

Jake's Mom,
Sometimes there just aren't enough words, or expressive enough words, to explain grief. I think we humans want to be able to understand, so we can make some sense of it, but there is no sense in it sometimes, and in the end, acceptance is all we can do. We like to think we can exert some kind of control over every part of our lives, and our pets' lives, and it can be so infuriating and hopeless to realize that we don't.

I am so sorry for your loss; through experience and what I've learned here on this site, there is healing, but it can never be predicted when or how it will happen. You'll never forget, but you have your memories, and it will make you, in the end, change your life, and your view of life and death forever. You've truly honored Jake with your love for him - he was blessed to have had you and your family in his life. Take care - Barbara

Thank you, Barbara, for your kind words.

Selfishly enough I wish I could escape the pain. But its there, no matter where I go.

What I wouldn't give for one more hug, one more touch.......

Jake's Mom,
There is no selfishness in what you feel - we all wish for an end to the pain, and to turn back time. I've wished so often for some kind of pill or hypnosis or whatever to forget - but then maybe that's not what we're meant to do.

After I lost both my cats, I'd go somewhere - the grocery maybe - and I'd wonder how people couldn't recognize the pain I was feeling. I thought there was some kind of cloud over my head - surely everyone could tell. It always amazed me that I could function at all, making the meals, packing the lunches, doing the laundry. I thought if I curled up in a corner and just stayed there, maybe it would all stop. Well, it doesn't. In the end, it's just always there, and it's like a road on a long long highway - through Nebraska or Wyoming maybe (and I mean no disrespect for anyone here from those states - I lived in Wyoming for years and consider it home, but those long empty highways can seem to take forever to make some kind of progress through) - and so there seems no end to the road.

There's no selfishness involved, I think most emotions are fair game when we experience this kind of tragedy. You loved Jake, he had to leave, it'd be unnatural not to feel the whole spectrum of emotions afterwards. Please keep letting us know how you're doing - the one glimmer of peace in this tragedy is that you are sharing your feelings, and through that, honoring Jake and helping the rest of us share and heal. Take care - Barbara

Yes, and we have to remember that there will be many "partings" as long as we live in this world. People and other pets will also die and leave us and we will have to grieve all over again and then heal and go on.