It is 4:30 and I should be going home from work in about an hour. Yet, I don't want to go home. It's not that I love work or anything, it's just that I have a lot to do and can take my mind off of things here. When I go home, it's like walking into a vacuum devoid of my sweet little companion. I have no desire to do a thing once I walk in the door. I can't watch TV because I keep thinking that Jake should be stretched out on the floor in front of the vent, hogging all of the A/C. If I work on my computer, I instinctively reach for him with my feet (he used to dig around under my desk while I worked). I haven't been in the back yard since he left. I haven't washed a dish (not that I've really dirtied any dishes in the last couple of days) because Jake used to lie in the doorway to the kitchen and watch me. The load of laundry I started before I took him to the hospital is still in the washer. I hate going to bed because he's not trotting along side me, ready for bedtime.

But, I have to go home because I don't really feel like going anywhere or doing anything enjoyable.

Is anyone else sickened by the thought of going home?

Its all perfectly normal.

i used drive up to the front and my heart would sink, how i grew to hate that feeling.

Be patient with yourself - be kind to yourself.

Love Sue

I know exactly how you feel. This is day 9 since I tragically lost my Nugget. For the first 5 days, I did not go to work and it was hell. I kept looking for Nugget around the house. I cried and cried. I found this site and a couple of others and found out about a book called, "The Loss of a Pet". I had to run out and get it. That helped, reading the book. Also, searching the web for chat rooms and boards helped me. I am back to work this week and it is a distraction, but going home makes me sad. I too, cannot enjoy my backyard. My Nugget was shot there, so there are painful memories. I have weekends off, but I do not look forward to this weekend because my Nugget will not be there when I wake up. You just have to take it day by day. There is a chat room at www.aplb.org, it have helped me to be able to talk with others who are going through what I am going through. Nugget's ashes are not ready yet, but I hear that bringing him home will give me some comfort. As I sit here and type, I look at the futon where Nugget used to lay and it makes me cry. Hang in there, take one day at a time. I know the pain can be unbearable at times, just scream or cry to get it out.

Debbi

I know how you feel, I hate being home it feels so lonely....I am a stay at home mom, I have no where else to be, I feel so empty here without my best friend....
I am sorry for your loss.

I know how you feel. When I think about turning on the flashlight, it keeps on reminding me that my Panda will bark, but she wasn't there, and I was met with silence. I recently took in a Corgi puppy, and I almost always mistaken her for Panda. I know people tell us to move on and cope with it, but I always think is best linger on to all your memories before you one day forget them

best wishes,

Howl

The pain is unbearable and I understand how you all feel. Yet, I am just in such shock at just Friday evening I had to put down my sweet dog Dakota, just 8 weeks after losing my sweetie pie cat, Abbie. That about killed me and now this is just too much. I can't stand to be alone in my house, yet I feel frozen and don't want to leave either. I look like crap as I have been pretty much been crying non-stop today and near hysterics. I just can't believe it, I honetly can't understand how this is happening again so soon. It seems like some cruel, evil joke and I just cannot get over this feeling of it can't be true. Abbie was almost 18, but was not ready and it happened so fast. Dakota was 14 in April and was just so full of life and such a silly goose. He was going deaf but seemed pretty darn healthy, then bang...diagnosis of pancreatitis and after 3 days of treatment, just getting worse and worse and x-rays indicating a tumor in his liver. Then having to make the terrible decision again, I can't bear it. I was just getting to the point of being able to take it one day at a time over Abbie and not crying every day and now this. It is just all too much. I fear I will NEVER be able to go thru this again, the emotional pain and the money and then feeling guilty over worrying about the money, is something I just cannot do again. Abbie and been in and out of the Vet for the last year and he last bout ran over $500.00 all together and I still had to put her down; now the same with Dakota...just got all his shots the end of June, 6 months of heartworm meds, etc. and then this week, again probably will add up to to over $500.00. I had been a single parent so darn long so not independently wealthy, yet my furbabies always were worth it. Now though, the reality they are gone and how angry I am is just beyond belief. I guess it is the one "concrete" thing I can be angry about, but the pain of losing both of them is just awful. I thought I was almost ready to STOP coming to these sites over Abbie and now this with Dakota. Please pray for me as I just am heartbroken.
Susan

SHO713, and Jakey Boy's Mom, and everyone else,
I am so, so sorry for the pain and agony you're going through. I also lost 2 pets about 6 months apart, and neither one was expected, and it is such a shock, and so sickening. It sounds like I'm not the only one having a miserable weekend, which is why I came here, cause misery really does need company. I'm also a stay at home mom, so I'm not sure I can totally relate to having to come home from work, but I can sympathize - it must be awful to come home to a quiet house without that expectation of a loving pet greeting you, or not being there where you do your work. I can't avoid the places where my Magic and my Groucho hung around, but I still look for them and sometimes, I'm convinced, I see flashing glimpses of them around the house, and the yard. Groucho was a friendly feral (kind of an oxymoron, actually), and he'd come by every night and just wait at the back door for me to come out and feed and talk to him. Now, every night I stand at the back door and wait for him, and then I remember, and it hurts, because I'm still at that stage where the shock of finding him dead under the deck is my most vivid memory of him. This weekend, 3 weeks after he left, has been particularly difficult, with the crying and insomnia and not eating. I do believe he's in a better place now, with peace and love around him, but sometimes thinking that isn't as comforting as it is at other times, if that makes sense.

I can hardly imagine the pain of losing 2 pets in 8 weeks. I remember thinking that I'd gotten to the point where I didn't need to visit this site either, but the day I lost Groucho I was back here, because in spite of the sympathy of my family, they just don't understand the closeness I have with my furbabies. I have other cats too, so they can be a distraction and a comfort, but now I also have to consider their loss one day, too, and I never used to think about that.

Susan, you are in my prayers, as so many others are, too. I pray every night for all of us out here who have had such great losses. It's nearly impossible to imagine ever being able to accept the losses, or stop feeling anger and guilt over them, I know. The endless nights have about done me in lately, but I know that while I don't want to, I'll have to accept what's happened. Coming here has helped, because there is understanding here among us.

God bless you all. Take care - Barbara

Susan, so sorry for your loss. You have the same feelings that I am having, about how life in unfair and it is all some cruel joke. I did not get along with my mother and I think that she is cursing me, somehow. Cry when you need to cry, scream when you need to scream. If you are into chat rooms, there is a good one on www.aplb.org. They meet Mon, Wed, Fri and Sundays. They have helped me cope with the loss of my beloved Nugget, who was tragically killed on July 5th. This loss has left me questioning life, God, and everything else. Nugget was ony 5 years old and my baby. Feel free to email me if you need to. I have to get on these boards everyday just to stay sane.

Take care, try to eat and sleep. I know it is hard, I have lost almost 10 lbs in the last week and a half.

Debbi