today wasnt really one of the better ones, but i found this site so at least something good has happened. anyway. iam trying to find the words, it is so hard to express sometimes. how do you say goodbye after 18 1/2 years? i do not know. i do know that i am unable to do it. my brat was my first cat. he chose me as a kitten, and never looked back. always talking. he always had so much to say. he would wait for me in the kitchen every morning to say hello and chat while i had my coffee. brat was always there when i came home, ready with his meows to tell me of his day. whenever i would read a book, he was always there, ready to keep me warm. it was probably one of the few times when he didn't have much to say. just purred. it is the little things that make up a life together, and it is these things that make this so hard.

this grief is like darkness sometimes. i have a family, i have other pets, and while they have been kind to me, i don't want them to know the depths of my pain. i just don't know what to tell them. i have always had issues with expressing myself.

i knew he would go someday, and i am so thankful i was able to spend half my life with him. i just wish it didn't hurt so much. i know i need to give myself more time, brat only passed away june 12. these past few weeks have been so hard. i see how the other pets are acting, and it breaks my heart more. i have a pair of siamese girls who have spent all 8 of their years with him. while they know what happened (brat died at home), they still look for him and i believe they are grieving. the dogs, well, let's just say that while one of them misses him, the others are kind of nonchalant about the whole thing. i will say that the puppy is trying her best to comfort me.

i have written quite a bit for me. i have more to say, just can't get it all to come out the way i want it to. thank you for allowing me the space to write what i have.

brat's obsession

I am so sorry for the loss of your much loved kittie, I know how hurt you are just now.
I have lost two cats this year a 10 year old and my old girl of 22 so I know how much pain you are in right now.
Hopefully soon you will be able to remember all the good memories you have of your years together.
My thoughts are with you.

Cleo 1

Nothing we can say can really lessen the grief you feel. 18 years is so long - he was more than just a pet, he was family.

We share your pain - and it's no easier after a year than it is 18 years.

Why say goodbye? Hold him tight in your heart, keep him with you in your mind and don't say goodbye.

It's not like he's gone forever - he's just around the corner waiting for you to catch up so he can tell you all about his day.

I don't how we say good-bye to anyone we love. The pain is unbearable. It helps me to remember that I could not do anything about the fact that my beloved dog would die one day nor that dogs have such short lifespans - what I could do, and what you obviously did, was make sure that each day of that lifespan was filled with happiness and love.

My sympathy is with you.

Daisy's Mommy

thank you all for your kind words. i have not been back in awhile. i kept thinking i didnt need this place, but i do. i miss brat so much. while everyone else in the family has moved on, i cant seem to. i am now able to talk about him without falling apart, but it is a struggle.

i read these posts, and it just breaks my heart to know that so many are suffering. i know my brat would not want me to be sad, but i think he would understand my grief. and i tend to agree with aggie's dad, while it doesnt get better, it does get easier. i can drink a cup of coffee without dissolving into tears, but it still hurts and i still think of him.

my hope is that my grief doesnt take over my life completely. brat would not want that. i am trying to live up to what he would want me to be. it is just so hard to do without his constant encouragement.

one thing i do know, is that the pain in my soul is not any easier or better. it is still a horrible searing pain that im not sure will ever go away.

i love you, my brat.

I am so sorry to hear the grief is still gripping you so tightly...there is nothing no one can really say that really helps when you feel like this. Just try to be quiet and listen, listen for something coming through from Brat - that he is OK and knows he was so loved and is so missed. Listen for your own voice too - you loved and cared so deeply for him. What a gift.

it has been 3 months and about 3 weeks since i lost my brat. i truly appreciate the kind words from everyone. i wanted to tell you all a little something. i think brat is trying to tell me he's ok. whenever i would cook, he would sit right behind me, making me almost step on him whenever i would move around. he was the only one of my pets to do this. he would barely touch my calves. i miss that so much. anyway, a few weeks ago, i was cooking dinner and felt something on my calves, looked behind me and of course noone was there. didnt think much of it and went back to cooking. this has now happened several times and i think it is my brat telling me hes still here. what do you think? am i just being crazy, lost in my grief? or is my baby telling me hes ok and still loves me?

My cat Precious was aged 19 years and three days when he died on 06 August (almost a month ago -- wow!). I had him since he was 31 days old so I know what pain and sorrow you're experiencing. Things will get better with the p^^age of time, but days seem to fly by now so time goes quickly (too quickly!). You feel like you're missing an arm or a leg. Some days are good, some days are terrible. Just know we're thinking of you and praying that you will get through this, no matter how long it takes. I haven't adopted another cat yet, it may be a while because Precious was Number One and so special. He will never be "replaced" -- nothing can! -- but I may give another one a chance, in time. Not just yet.
Other animals will also grieve the loss of a housemate, my dad's two cats are (sometimes the "calling" drives me crazy!) but they are grieving in their own way. It will take time with them, as with yours. Be glad they are with you, it helps ease the pain of the loss a bit.
Lisa