I am having such a hard time. It's helpful to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this, yet most of the time I visit this forum, it makes me cry because I can so relate to what others write.

I've been diagnosed with depression for a long time now, and my kitty was such a help and a comfort to me. Since she died, the depression has been getting worse and worse. I'm afraid of how bad I feel. Everyone keeps telling me it's normal to feel bad after a loss like this, and I understand that. But how do you know when it's more than that? Or even if it is normal, what do you do when it becomes too much?

Magdalene

I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty. Most cities have free "pet support" clinics that help in cases of severe depression and grieving. If I were you, I would go to one or see someone so they can help you. My prayers are with you.

Magdalene,
I posted a reply to your other post 'My baby cat, she died'.
I, too, have suffered from depression on and off for years and I understand exactly how you feel.
Something like your kitty dying just sends you back to a place where you really don;t want to go, and it's even harder to get out of it.
No-one who has not suffered from depression can really understand how that feels (no disrespect to anyone else on this site) and no matter how many people say 'time will heal' and 'things will be better' you dont seem to comprehend this.
I lost one of my cats a few weeks ago and went into the worst depression that I've had for about 3 years. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful husband who helped me through the worst, and prepared a 'funeral' for puss and made a gravestone for him when we buried him in the garden.
But the pain remains: every time I see the food bowl, every time the other cat cries for him, every time I go to sleep, every time I wake up. I have no kids of my own and he was one of my 'babies'.

All I can say is: time is a great healer, and things do get easier. Not now, not today, not tommorow, but in time. Try and focus on something positive in your life and hold onto that.
If you are currently not on medication, perhaps you could see your doctor and get something to try and help you through - mind you, I was on Effexor for 4 years and NEVER want to go back on that again - I'm drug free now. Perhaps some sleeping tablets might at least get you through a couple of nights?

Please let us all know how you are doing - we are all sharing your pain and are thinking of you.
Take care of yourself and lots of love
Natasha
xx

Here are some signs that it is "more than that,"

1. You are not doing the things necessary for normal living - such as going to work, bathing, cleaning;

2. You are sleeping most of the day and night

3. You want to die and it is more than a fleeting feeling

4. You have stopped talking to friends and relatives

Normal grief can cause us to do any of the above for short periods of time, but if it continues then it has become too much. WHat to do when that happens? Remember that you are not alone and there is no reason not to reach out. WHere you reach depends on you. Clergyperson, grief counselors, grief groups, psycologists, social workers, psychiatrists are all possibilities. Some times an anti-depressant might help for a short period of time.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are. You are not alone.

Daisy's Mommy,

Anne

Thanks to those who replied. Yeah, this is more than just grief. It's clinical depression, and it's serious. I'll be going into hospital tomorrow. I'm already on meds and in counseling, but that's not enough right now.

Magdalene

Magdalene,

That is wonderful that you going to get help. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.


Best wishes,

Daisy's Mommy

Dear Magdalene,

As a fellow victim of lifelong depression and anxiety, I say BRAVO for getting the help you need. Please come back and let us know how you are doing.

Juanita

I also have clinical depression, and have been on meds for about a month now. One of my cats died right before Christmas, and that, along with other things that had happened durig the year, just began to overwhelm me to the point where I knew I had to get help. When I lost another cat this last month, I know that if I hadn't already been on meds, and getting help - well, in spite of my deep love for my family and other pets, it would have been so scary and serious that I feel I might have tipped over the edge. I'm so glad you're getting help, and taking this seriously. I often wonder how many suicides in this country can be linked back to someone losing a loved pet, especially the homeless and mentally ill people who are so often ignored, or maybe overlooked, by the medical establishment. In depression treatment, and even on meds, the pain doesn't go away, but can often be put in perspective and validated. I say, good for you for seeing the need for help. Please keep in touch, and let us know how you're doing. Take care - Barbara

I also have clinical depression and anxiety. I had to make the decision to put my beloved cat, Scout to sleep on Monday. Her kidneys shut down.
I did not recognize... well I noticed that she lost weight. I thought feeding her the soft food that she loved would help. Now I know that she was the one that was filling the cat box with urine...I have 2 other furbabies as well. To make a long painful story short, she was suffering with this and I was in complete denial. She would only find comfort in my lap...sometimes I was too overwhelmed, stressed or maybe selfish to always respond to her needs...I feel horrible about this. I look back on the last 3 weeks and wonder why I didn t recognize that my poor sweet girl was so sick . I was in denial. Last Thursday I rushed home from work at 10:30 am when it really became all too clear. Scout is really sick and I need to take her to the vet NOW. She was in critical condition . All i know is that I keep playing that film in my mind of her - so sweet and loving even when she felt so bad. I had her 11 years and will miss my Scout always. Her "mate" Max is looking for her in his way. It breaks my heart....

Thanks for all the support. I'm back home now, and it was so, so hard coming home without my baby here. She always used to be so happy to see me when I would come home. I miss her more than ever.

Magdalene

Magdalene - thank you for being so courageous and strong...for sharing your story about depression and getting help quickly. I am so glad you are OK.

You are honoring you kitty's life by going on. Know you are not alone. Eileen will be with you in spirit always. And, there are people out in the world as evidenced on this site who understand your grief and depression and care.

Dear Magdalene,
Thank you so much for letting us know that you're home again. I hope you were able to work through your grief at least a little. If not, there are grief support groups, both online and in person, all over the place. A lot of veterinary universities also have phone-in counseling and hotlines specifically for people grieving the loss of a pet. At the very least, I hope you continue to post here. As evidenced by the outpouring of support and empathy after your original post, there are LOTS of us out here who care and understand.
Juanita

Thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing. It is sad to go home and not have your baby be there for you. Just a question - and please don't answer if you're not comfortable with it - did you go on any meds for the depression? I've only ever been on Wellbutrin, and it's helped me sporadically, but I have to have faith that it will kick in and I'll feel better. Grief plays a part in how you feel, of course, but the depression certainly has to have an effect. In a way those of us who suffer with depression are cursed but also blessed. Cursed because the depression makes everything seem worse, blessed because we can really empathize and feel for how others feel, and really empathize with their sorrow because it's almost second nature for us.

Again, thank you for sharing your story. It may have inspired others to seek help if they feel an unrelenting agony that just won't go away. The general public seems sometimes to have a limited realization of how depression can debilitate a person. The good people here have helped me on my darkest days - I somehow can't think of them as the "general public" - they're too special for that. Good luck and please keep in touch. Take care - Barbara

I came onto this site when my cat Taggy died. I have suffered with depression for years, and was already on anti depressants. I am having counselling for that &other 'family problems'. Now I can hardly bear it, one of my other cats suddenly became ill.I had my counselling appointment this morning so my son took our cat to the vets. They say they cannot do anything, I think they would have put him down then but my son wanted to ask me first. When my Taggy died 'naturally,' I stillread all the posts here from others who had to make the hard decision to put their beloved pet to sleep,even though it is the kindest thing ,they were suffering from terrible guilt. I am dreading putting him back in his carrier, I thought he was too weak but he struggled this morning. I don't know if I am strong enough to do this, knowing that he won't come home again.I do not want to put him through this trauma. I can't believe this is happening , he is not an old cat. I also have a friend in Hospital who is dying. Please be kind to me, I cannot take much more.I'm already feeling guilty.

Dear Taggy's Mom,
How sad for you to be in this situation while you're still grieving for Taggy. You gave no details about your current cat's illness, but you seem convinced there is no help for him or her. If that is not the case, please ask your vet some specific questions about the condition and possible treatment options. If you have a friend who is knowledgeable about cats or pets in general, maybe that person could go with you when you see the vet. I know how sadness and depression can cloud my mind and make it hard to absorb information and ask intelligent questions.

If you are sure that euthanasia is the only option, you might consider having your cat euthanized at home. If your own vet doesn't make house calls, s/he should be able to refer local vets who offer that service.

The only advice I can offer is that no matter how a beloved pet dies, many of us suffer feelings of guilt regardless of the cir%%stances. Just remember that the decision to euthanize is one of the hardest we are ever called upon to make....and it is always based in love and takes a great deal of courage. Trust your gut on this one, and "listen" to your cat for a sign that it is (or isn't) time.

I so wish I and the other forum members could be there to help you through this. Dealing with depression is bad enough without the added burden of making such a heartwrenching decision. My prayers are with you....
Juanita

I have just read all of your posts, and it is wonderful to know that there are so many people here who really listen and care, and have advice. I probably am suffering from depression. My doctor wanted to put me on Wellbutrin but I refused. I guess I figured I was stronger than that. I figure I am depressed, but function ok. I don't enjoy doing anything, but after the loss of a pet. who does. I am glad that you got help for your depression and realized how serious it was, and hope you continue to get better.. I have always found comfort here, not at home or from my family. They chose to put their heads in the sand and pretend that I'm ok. I just let them think I'm ok. I don't need their remarks about how I should be alright by now. I'm so angry with them, that I can't confide in them, so I barely talk to them. I've not spoken to my older son (34) since the night before we had to put Scooter down. There's more to it than that, everyone has family issues to deal with,but sometimes, it all just becomes too much. I choose to deal with my grieving over Scooter first, then I'll deal with my family. Everyone here, know that my best wishes and prayers go out to all of you. Huggs too.

Trish

Trish,
I hope I'm not out of line, but PLEASE reconsider your doctor's suggestion to get on an antidepressant. I have taken Wellbutrin (and Paxil before that) every day for many years, and I thank God every day that these meds are available to me. Every day that I don't have to live in the black hole of depression and anxiety is a wonderful gift. Surviving depression is not a matter of strength. It is a physical condition that responds extremely well to the right medication. I hope you wouldn't ignore your doctor's advice to take meds for high blood pressure or diabetes. Well depression is very much like those conditions except that it manifests in a different way. Sorry if this sounds harsh, it is not heroic to choose illness over health. Why be a victim if you don't have to be? Please reconsider.
Juanita

Juanita - Thank you for your concern and kind words. I think I've been realizing lately that I am not superwoman. I have my limitations, and need help with them. I do have a doctors appointment in a few weeks, and I promise I will tell him how I have been truly feeling and behaving. I'll also let him know what I've been through with losing my Scooter. That on top of family issues had really messed me up. Like I said, I can function ok, but just ok. I want to do better, and feel better. Thank you for your advice. I will let you know how I am doing
Trish

To several of us here.

Depression, anxiety, and grief....all can be very debilitating. Chemical things do happen in our brains and bodies! And, medication can help take the edge off to help you physically feel better to be able to cope with everything else while you deal with your pet loss.

I have fought medication too, but have had many life challenges the last couple of years, so went on Celebrex. It helps me function better. The newer drugs are easier to go on and off too.

Of course, we all know the "other" healthy things we need to do to help feel better too: nutrition, exercise, water, meditation/prayer, etc.

Please be open and discuss with your doctor. We all deserve to feel better. We are dealing with alot in losing our beloved pets...

There are good and bad things about going on any anti-depressant - I think that what convinced my MD that it was what I needed was that I'd been on it before (when I became disabled due to a neurological condition) and had done well, and I was having in-law difficulties (they'd sent a steer that I thought was mine to the slaughterhouse), and the loss of my cats was starting to affect how I was viewing all of this. As I understand it, and I've had depression issues since I was a teenager, it's related to a chemical imbalance in the brain. It's not something that's voluntary - regardless of what a lot of people think - and no matter how mentally and psychologically strong you try to be , and no matter how much family support you have behind you, chemicals are chemicals, and they take the wrong route sometimes. You aren't responsible, no one is, and while no one wants to take meds every day, or twice a day, they can literally be a lifesaver. They can also be dangerous if taken without medical supervision, so be very, very careful.

Well, that's my 2 cents, but what works for one person can be totally wrong and unreliable for someone else. Find a sympathetic doctor you can trust, (I'm very fortunate because my doctor has 6 cats herself) and as with so many things, go with your gut. Good luck and take care - Barbara

Sometimes a short course of an antdepressant can help to ease us over the roughest spots during this time of coping and adapting to the strong feelings of loss. Being strong or weak doesn't have anything to do with it. Our neurochemical balance is very individual and at times of deep loss it can get so out of balance that we need help.

Finding a sympathetic person to talk with about it is crucial. After Daddy Cat died I had moments when driving to and from work when I would just break down completely. Talking to my wife openly about my feelings seemed to help me. If your family is not supportive then seek a professional who can assist you in working through your feelings.

As I've said in other posts, finding outlets like doing volunteer adoption and rescue work or putting up a tribute page can really assist you in this transition. Don't avoid the pain but learn how to channel it in constructive ways. Everyone ultimately has to find their own way past these feelings but with the help of others, possibly medication, and with positive steps to help yourself in coping you can adapt to this loss successfully and be a richer person for it.

Good luck and keep in touch with how things are going,
Ken Albin

Trish,
At the risk of sounding like a pain in the butt...or at least a broken record, I'm writing to suggest that you not wait until your next schedule dr's appointment as mentioned in your 7/31 post. Some antidepressants can take a few weeks to kick in, so you could be talking about a couple of months rather than a few weeks before you find relief. I am personally not a big fan of pain, so I always opt for "the sooner the better".
Juanita

Juanita - You are not a pain in the butt. I appreciate your concern, and since I have been getting more unable to just cope with everyday tasks, I have changed my dr;s appointment to this Friday. I just can't stop crying. I'm ok one moment, then a mess the next. At work, I manage, but barely. I practically run out the door to get home. I haven't cooked a meal in over a week(or two). So, I know I need help. I know my dr will help. We;ll discuss my options and what medication would be best for me, hopefully short term. Again, it is so nice to know so many people are concerned. I will keep you posted.
Trish

Just want to quickly chime in on the depression/anti-depressant issue. I believe anti-depressants do work (from experience), but if at all possible, PLEASE try to use them in conjunction with professional therapy treatment. In the past I had been on anti-depressants without therapy and it definitely made me feel better, but once I stopped, my depression/issues came back and it wasn't until I worked directly with a therapist that I was able to resolve a lot of things; at first with, but ultimately without the use of medication. As Barbara said, what works for one person can be totally wrong for another. It was my preference to be completely chemical free and I know that would not have been possible with the help of a good therapist. Good luck.

Trish,
SOOOOO happy you moved your appt up.
Let me second Black Jack's Mom's suggestion to combine meds with therapy. As depression was once explained to me...very much in layman's terms: Depression uses an incredible amount of energy, leaving our reserves low. This often leads to feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and unable to cope with simple thngs like cooking a meal, etc.
An antidepressant (or antianxiety med) won't make our problems go away, but it can take the edge off things while we work through what's bothering us.
Please do keep us updated on your progress.
Juanita

Juanita - If you're out there, let me know, because on top of loosing Scooter 3 weeks ago tomorrow, I lost my job today. My family is not supportive, plus my husband found a card from a police officer in our door, requesting we call him. We have no idea about what it's about, and when I called, the officer was not in. Now I have to worry about what that is about. I'm afraid, what else is going to happen.? Now the police want to talk to us? I swear we did nothing that we are aware of. There is a case # listed. The cop I called and talked to was a jerk and no help at all. That's it in a nutshell for now. Now, I really don't want to go out and be around anyone.
Trish