Hi everyone. My name is Jan and I'm new here. I want you to know how much my heart breaks for all of us who have recently lost a furbaby.

I found this site because my DH and I had to put our precious black lab, Phoenix, to sleep on Friday, April 30th.

On the previous Sunday, I was hugging Phoenix and she coughed. I thought maybe I had hugged her too tight and I apologized to her.

She coughed a few more times on Sunday night. On Monday, the coughing became increased - sounded like she was trying to clear her throat. My husband took her to our vet hospital on Tuesday morning. He wasn't able to see our regular vet but the vet he did see told him that Phoenix had probably gotten a blade of grass caught behind her soft pallet (sp?) and would cough it out. He prescribed Cephalexin to keep any infection from starting. Her coughing increased a lot Tuesday night and she threw up her dinner and any water she drank.

I took her back to our vet on Wed. morning and saw our regular vet. I told him I was afraid she was dehydrated and he confirmed that she was. He wanted me to leave her there for the day so he could take x-rays and give her fluids.

I called him when I got to work and he said that he found a mass on her abdomen through the x-ray but it could have been a shadow. He also said she had megaesophagus which accompanies a disease called myasthenia gravis which means that her esophagus had stopped contracting to force food to her stomach so food was just lying there and coming back up hours later and any water she drank was coming right back up. He indicated to me that this was a treatable disease and told us to feed her at elevated heights for her head that night after we picked her up. He said he wanted to take another x-ray the next day (Thursday) to see if that mass was still showing up.

Wednesday night she still threw up all her food and water. She was so thirsty! It broke my heart.

On Thursday, our vet gave her fluids again and took another x-ray. He confirmed there was a mass on her abdomen. He made us an appt. for Friday morning at a Vet Specialists Hospital to discuss the myasthenia gravis. At this point, I was crying and more afraid of the mass he found since he told me the myasthenia gravis could be treated (and I had gone online and looked it up).

We took Phoenix to the vet specialists on Friday morning and the vet (whose own dog had had myasthenia gravis and megaesophagus) told us that Phoenix has aspiration pneumonia (that was the coughing) because of her esophagus allowing food particles into her lungs. She could have cured that but there is no treatment for megaesophagus. Phoenix would have had to have had a feeding tube and would have gotten pneumonia again at any time because of the megaesophagus.

That's when we knew we had to let her go. We could not make her go through almost constant pneumonia and not be able to eat or drink.

I kissed Phoenix on her nose as they gave her the sedative and a few minutes later she was gone.

She was the most gentle soul! She used to slather our ##er spaniel's face with kisses (he's gone now too), she let our beagle nibble on her front legs at night (I have no idea why - we could only think it was some kind of grooming thing), she was the other half to our other lab mix. Phoenix was my reading partner at night. I would go upstairs to read and she would be with me, chewing on a cow hoof.

This has just completely destroyed me. I didn't see it coming at all.

Sorry! Didn't mean to ramble on. I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you why I was here and tell you how grateful I am to have found this board.

Jan

Oh Jan! I am SO sorry for what you are going through on the loss of your sweet, precious Phoenix. It is heart-breaking beyond words, I know.

I am glad you found this site. We are all here for each other---to listen, to comfort, to reassure...

Phoenix has passed physically, but his spirit is alive and well, and as a good friend I met on this site told me (about her kitty and mine), he is "having a blast"! The hard part is what you and your partner are experiencing---the whole heart-wrenching grief thing. ..Phoenix wants you to get through it the best you can, and be happy again when you can (if the roles had been reversed, you would want that for Phoenix )

You sound like the most WONDERFUL Mom!!! (...and Dad!!). You did all the right things by taking him to the vet, then the specialist, etc. etc. (I wish I could say the same when I lost my precious Mariah in '98.... I still have so much guilt). Anyway, you will be reunited again.

Please keep in touch. You are in my prayers! Love,
Little Girl and Mariah's Mommy

So sorry to hear about Phoenix. I had to have my cat Kitt put to sleep in Feb. because of cancer, so I sort of know how hard it was for you to let her go. At least she's not in pain anymore, and is happy at the RAINBOW BRIDGE. Your in my thoughts.

Little Girl's Mommy - thank you so much for welcoming me here. I don't know what happened to Mariah but I believe you did all you could for her and please don't feel guilty. The grief is bad enough without the guilt - I know you know that! If you wish to tell me, please do - I am here for you. (((Hug)))

Cattybird - thank you for your empathy. I am so sorry about Kitt. How are you doing? (((Hug)))

I am so sorry we had a need to find this message board but I am also so thankful that I did find it. My DH is a very internal person and he loved Phoenix with all his heart (he was sobbing when we made the decision to let her go) but he doesn't want to talk about it that much and I have the NEED to talk about her, to talk about what happened - I guess that's part of my grieving process. So I truly appreciate finding this wonderful board.

Jan

Jan. Thanks for asking how I'm doing. But the real question is how are you doing? The pain for me has lessened a little. Shortly after Kitt died I was given two other cats, not to replace Kitt, but they have helped me fill the hole in my heart. Didn't you say that you had other dogs? Hope they will help ease the pain. Let me know how your doing?