Hello My name is Jamie and I am completely new here. I have just lost Mocha, my beautiful lab/pit mix. She came into my life when she was a year and a half and had been abused. She and I instantly bonded and became each others protectors. For the last six and half years, she has been absolutely faithful and loving. She was always healthy and had only been to the vet for her yearly vaccines and such. In April, I noticed she was losing her appetite and seemed a bit lethargic. It took a few trips to the vet over the course of a couple weeks to determine that she had congestive heart failure. She never wanted to show she was in pain or distress...always stoic...which made it hard for the vet to find out what was wrong with her, coupled with the fact that she had never been sick before so we were at a complete loss as to what was going on. The last two and a half months have been filled with so many ups and downs as she she seemed to respond to the meds, then stop responding. A few weeks after the initial diagnosis, she was also diagnosed with a thyroid deficiency. She had fluid removed from her chest and abdomen a couple times which helped relieve the pressure and she was able to eat, breathe and get around better. After taking her to the vet last Saturday for blood work and such, the vet did some research and came back with a diagnosis for Mocha. She had lymphangiectasia, which caused her body to lose all of her proteins instead of using them properly. This disorder caused her congestive heart failure and all the other symptoms she had, including the massive build up of fluid. We immediately started her on the recommended treatment and diet plan and I was so relieved that there was hope. I never imagined that by Friday, I would be taking Mocha back in to the vet as she was not responding at all to the treatment and kept losing her body mass. She wasn't losing weight because she was building up fliud but her bones kept getting more and more pronounced each day. The vet agreed and said she was too sick to overcome it at this point. I scheduled Mocha's euthanasia for Monday, thinking that I would keep her over the weekend (i feel so selfish). By this morning, she was even more so distended in her abdomen and started vomiting. I knew what I had to do, but that didn't make it any easier. I took her in this morning and held her while she went to sleep. As the vet was beginning to give her the injection, she gave the vet some kisses on her chin, looked up at me, then went to sleep.

I thought for sure that I would have Mocha a lot longer than I did. It seems too soon for her to be gone. She would have been eight years old in just a few days. Thanks for allowing me to come here and post my story.

I'm so glad you found this site. Here are people who understand, since we have all gone through similar terrible losses. Post as often as you want. It really helps. It is clear that you gave Mocha a wonderful life, including the final gift of helping her leave this earth with love. That she had heart disease is beyond your control. Eight years is too short, but remember that those years were filled with joy, not abuse, thanks to you!


Also, many of us here, including me, believe very strongly that we will see our beloved friends again when our times come. Our pets are greatly missed, but safe in God's care.


Daisy's Mommy

Daisy's mommy,

Thank you very much for your kind words. I know that we gave Mocha a good home, especially from the one she had. I know this may sound horrible, but we have another dog, Belle, who is the same age as Mocha and I would have been more prepared for her death as she has had health problems since she was a puppy. Mocha's illness (or symptoms of) came on so quickly. This is especially hard right now because my husband deployed to Iraq throughout all of this. Having had to go through all the vet appointments and tests with Mocha by myself then having to make this decision without him has been so tough. I never dreamed that when we got these dogs I would have to go through this alone. Tonight is going to be so rough. Mocha has slept right next to me in bed from the first night we got her. She has been my comfort with my husband being gone. Belle isn't the "sleep right next to you" type of dog.

I am so sorry for your loss and that you are having to go through this sad time on your own.
It hurts so much we have all been through similar stuations with our beloved pets.
I have lost two cats this year and although I was too upset to post when I lost them I have found great comfort on this site which is full of lovely caring people.
So keep coming back it really helps.

Cleo 2

Last night was so difficult going to bed. I even put off going because I knew it was going to be so hard not having Mocha beat me into the bed. After the crying stopped, I felt the bed move and looked to see that Belle had jumped up there and laid at my feet. She stayed there all night long and greeted me with her doggie kisses when I woke up. It was such a bittersweet moment. I know that I am not the only one suffering the loss of Mocha. Belle and Mocha have been sisters for the last 6 1/2 years. We got Belle when she was a puppy and got Mocha right before Belle's first birthday. They each have such different personalities but they blended so well together. It was so hard to do the morning routine this morning. I gave Belle her morning medicine (for allergies and hip dysplasia) but couldn't give Mocha her conglomerate of morning pills. Then came feeding Belle. It was so hard to see Mocha's dishes sitting next to Belle's. Last night, I couldn't bear the thought of seeing them out in the garage so I gave Belle the leftover mix of hamburger and rice from my fridge that was meant for Mocha as that was all she would eat the last couple days.

I spoke to the man that will be cremating Mocha. He has to come from out of town and only makes the trip once every couple weeks. He just came here on Friday and said he wouldn't be able to make it back here until the following Wednesday. I can't stand the thought of Mocha being left in a freezer at the vet for almost two weeks, so he suggested that I could bring her to him if I felt ok doing that. I am going to on Monday.

Today I picked Mocha up and took her to the crematory. It was so hard to see that black bag and know that my now lifeless Mocha was in there. When I got to the crematory, the man was so sincere and explained everything and allowed me to pick out her urn. I also go to sign their tribute wall. I put a picture of Mocha on there and a message in her memory. I took Mocha's food to the animal shelter this morning. I couldn't handle seeing it sitting there when I was feeding Belle her food and didn't want it to go to waste. Belle is on different food than Mocha, so I couldn't use it. A friend of mine works at the shelter and said they would be happy to get it. I had just bought her a 40 lb. bag a couple weeks ago and because her appetite was next to nothing, she ate very little of it.

I keep having waves of grief wash over me. One minute I feel okay and the next I am so overcome. I am sure this is normal. I feel so bad for my daughter. She is only one year old and doesn't fully (if at all) understand what has gone on in the last few days. I am sure it is confusing for her to see her mommy break down so suddenly and so often in one day.

Do any of you have advice on how to help Belle through this? As I mentioned in an earlier post, they have grown up together. She has been more needy of attention at times in the last couple days, but then also at times has seemed more withdrawn. And I swear she is crying too. She has never had a problem with her eyes but since yesterday, I have had to clean her eyes from matter and she has tear stains coming down from the corner of her eyes.

Having a husband in the military is stressful enough without having to go through the death of a beloved pet.


As to Belle, it is well known that dogs also mourn the loss of a loved one. Just give her as much love as possible. You could consider getting another dog, but as Belle is older and has health problems, it might not work out. You would have to make sure that the new dog was compatible.

My Daisy has been gone since April 1, and I still have waves of grief each day. I also have a young child, and although I try to go in the bathroom when I feel like crying, I know that he senses my unhappiness.

Best wishes, and may God bring your husband home safe and soon.

Daisy's Mommy

From one military wife to another - it is so frustrating and lonesome not to have another adult there to greive with. It's hard for them, too, to know they can't help you through this. Twice now I've had to lose a pet with my hubby not there, but coming here does help. Also, military medical facilities do have mental health and depression specialists - I feel guilty using these services since I know so many others do need them, but if it all becomes too much, as it did for me, take advantage of those services if you can.

I've had all my pets cremated, and yes, it's heartbreaking to know that you're transporting a pet for the last time. My local pet crematory people (who know me all too well by now) are wonderful, sympathetic folks, and they often offer the best and most useful advice I've received. So many of them have also lost pets, and while I could never do what they do, they can be very comforting.

I wish I could give you advice on how to adjust Belle through this. My cats almost never seem to notice when another cat leaves forever. I prefer to think that they sense the presence of the spirit of the departed cat. Give Belle and your little girl lots and lots of attention when you can (my kids always feel bad when they see me cry, so I do that in private). Adjustment will occur - it takes varying lengths of time, as I understand it. The fact that Mocha spent the night on your bed can mean that she feels your pain, and wants to help you anyway she can.

It's good of you to donate what you can to your local shelter. That's another job I don't think I could ever do, but it's a blessing that in your grief, you can think of other animals in need.

Please let us know how you all are doing. Sometimes I feel so alone and almost crazy with pain and worry, and then I come here and am able to share my feelings. It does help, a lot. Take care, and God bless - Barbara

Daisy's mom- thank you for your post. I am so glad that I found this site. My famiy and friends have been supportive but as I am sure you know, it is not the same. I feel like I can come here and let thoughts out that a lot of them would not understand.

Barbara(5catsmom)- I am so sorry that you too have had to go throught the loss you have without your husband there. I know that it is very tough on them not being able to be home, especially at a time like this. I hope you are able to have regular contact with your husband. I am fortunate to be able to talk to my husband almost every day which has been very helpful.

As far as Belle is concerned, I am hoping that she and I can help each other through this. I have taken her on some walks in the last couple days and have been giving her a lot more love and attention. On top of my own grief over Mocha, I am grieving for her too. They were closer than any other two dogs I have ever known. They used to groom each other and hardly ever were in separate rooms in the house. Every day, they slept next to one another...more often than not one's head resting on the other. I was looking through some pictures today and found so many of them together sleeping, almost on top of each other. Their bond is not one that could "replaced" with another dog. It hurts so bad to leave the house now knowing that Belle is completely alone.

I know that right now, getting another dog is out of the question. I know I am not ready and I won't do that to my husband. He won't be home for a few more months and I don't think it is fair for him to come home to such a changed household. Coming home is adjustment enough, not to mention having Mocha gone. I really hope that eventually we can get another dog that we can all bond with, including Belle.

Today we would have celebrated Mocha's 8th birthday. When we got her, we only knew that she was born in July, no exact date. We chose to celebrate it on the 4th, in a way to also celebrate her freedom from the abusive life she had before coming to us. This just sucks!

Yes, it does suck. However, now that she's gone from this world, Mocha is still freed from her former abusive life, and while it's hard to celebrate it all now, you did save her. Without you she would have just had herself and her pain, and probably survived a much shorter life. I'm so sorry to hear about Belle, and the grief she must feel, and the confusion. Sometimes it seems to be a benefit that animals can't speak verbally to us, but in a situation like this, when you can't talk verbally to Belle, it must be so frustrating, especially when she and Mocha were so close. Out of 5 of my cats, only 2 are really close to each other, and since I lost Magic in Dec., I've often wondered how that adjustment will go when one of those 2 leaves this world. I never really thought about the loss of any of my animals since December - that can be a benefit and a curse at the same time too.

I'm glad you can talk to your hubby every day - I can too, but he's had such a stressful time I often don't bring up the subject of losing Magic and Groucho very much. That's one reason I come here to this forum, and it's literally changed my life, and I've received so much comfort. It's been such a blessing to know that there are people out there who can confirm that I'm not losing my mind. I find it amazing, sometimes, and also gratifying to know that people are willing to offer support and comfort at a time when they themselves are feeling so much pain. We hear so much every day about the bad things, the cruel things, that people are capable of, but through this forum I've become aware that there are so many good, caring people out there too. It gives me hope, that we will all get through these sad times with the help and strength of each other.

Take care -Barbara

Well said and mirrors my thoughts exactly! I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd meet people who were so connected to animals like I am.

You're all a blessing indeed.

Today was a bittersweet day for me. I got the call that Mocha's remains were ready to be picked up. I was working down in the area of the crematory, so I went right over. The couple that own the business were absolutely wonderful and so caring. They lost their own dog just a couple months ago, so their grief is also still fresh. They provided me with a cremation certificate that contained this poem:

Shadowing our footsteps were four little paws, Governed by faith and devotion's great laws, Thus it had been for many a year, united in step until death did appear. What man could learn about serving a cause, from our faithful friends and their devoted paws.

When I came home this evening and brought Mocha's urn in, I spoke aloud, saying that Mocha was home again...not how I want her home, but here. I know it's just absolutely crazy but since I got home, Belle has been more like her usual self than she has been in the last several days. She's actually been more playful and seems "normal". She's got her spark back in her eyes. I really hope that it is there to stay. I know that my own healing process over Mocha was on hold as I was also mourning for Belle because she was so sad. I know that Belle is helping me through this time just as much as being here has helped. Right before Mocha died, I was so afraid that I would resent Belle. I am so relieved that wasn't the case.

I read all the posts about your sweet Mocha and my heart goes out to you. Her problems sound so similar to Dixie's I wonder if maybe Dixie has the same thing. All I know is that it's not getting any better.

As far as cremation, I live in a small town and the closest place, according to my vet is 3 states away. Makes it feel so impersonal. One of the problems of living in such a small state. I will, however, look this up on my own to make sure before the day.

Thanks, new friend, for your compassion and I hope you're doing okay. Sue

I cried so hard when I read this. My cat is still here, but I fear not for long. She always comes to me at night and lets me love her (not so much these days though). I dread the first night more than anything. This is so terrible. I hope it gets better for you soon!

lovemytanjigirl- I am sorry you are having to go through this difficult time with your tanji. I read your other post and my heart goes out to you. This is a great place to get the needed support and comfort during this time in your life.

Sue- When reading your post about Dixie's symptoms, I thought the same thing. The vets checked Mocha for cancer but never found any. I originally thought a diagnosis of cancer would be worse than any other diagnosis. I was relieved when her tests came back negative for types of cancers. I had this idea in my head that if it wasn't cancer, it could be treated and fixed. I never imagined that a protein losing disorder would take her so quickly. To me, that didn't sound too bad. I guess I just thought that we would be able to supplement her and she would get better. Mocha's most noticeable symptoms were no appetite, bloating (from all that abdominal and chest fluid), and severe loss of muscle mass. Her face was getting sunken in, her spine was very pronounced and her hip bones were starting to really show. The last couple days of her life, I read as much as I could on the disorder and her symptoms were all there, minus the vomiting. She starting vomiting the morning I took her to vet to have her put to sleep. When she woke up that way and couldn't keep down even water, I knew it was time.