From the mom of Cyril Octavious (4/15/91 - 6/22/06)

Cyril was diagnosed by a new vet with Renal Insufficiency in August 2005 (had to change vets due to my job relocation). I began SQ immediately and liked the vet herself very much but I felt that I had to switch vets because of some billing inconsistencies, etc. Since the vet had not been a long-time caretaker, I didn't think that much about it but...

I went on-line and looked up the veterinary credentials etc. of my new vet choice and was satisfied on that score but am wondering now....

The new vet wanted to try some new meds and increase the SQ. I added the new meds and Cyril passed in less than a week. He had seemed to be maintaining OK until that time and I am guilt-ridden about changing vets and not knowing if I should have changed his meds.

I brought Cyrils body to this vet the morning he died after I called them in a panic and the office staff said to bring him in and they would take care of him from there for me. I was so grateful to have somewhere to go that morning.

They told me the Dr. was on-site and would check to ensure that it was really all over but they said that the vet pronounced him but he didn't come out to see me in person. There appeared to be no other patients there at that time (although there could have been someone in an exam room, I can't be sure).

Although the front-desk staff members were very sweet to me, they are all VERY young and inexperienced people (all of the staff members at the front desk at the time had been there less than a year and seemed to be just barely out of high school). I was and am still confused about the vet's apparent attitude. How do I know if he was even there at all? That final month under this new vet had run up a bill of almost $1000, which isn't the issue but... A few words from this DR. would have gone a long way to ease my mind then and now.

I have to go back to collect Cyril's ashes and am now wondering if I should say something, or just find yet another vet for my remaining cat?

Does anyone have a thought for me?

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss and pain. It may be that it was Cyril's time to pass, no matter what you did or didn't do, but if you have a sick feeling in your gut about the new vet, I would IMMEDIATELY find another one. That instinct you have inside you is trying to tell you something isn't quite right.
When I lost my Cosmo to renal failure, I was devastated! I spent a couple of months riddled with guilt because I trusted the vet's advice and chose to not try the sub q fluids.
It wasn't until 2 months later when I read someone else's story about the trials she was experiencing with the sub qs that I felt I did the right thing. Some of those trials do not work as well as they seemed to for you, and you were fortunate to have that extra time.
That being said, there are times I still wonder if I did the right thing, or if I should have gone to another vet, but the Vet I had been seeing was the same one who took care of all of my babies since 1991, so I put my trust in her and my faith in myself. I think I spared my Mo from dying without dignity, that does bring me a level of peace. I also wanted to say that Cosmo had been on a couple of meds for many years for inflammation that caused seizures and that drug caused chronic urinary infections, which led to repeated treatments of antibiotics, and several urine tests. I constantly asked her if there were other meds to try, but she said he was on the best treatment for his condition, but I still wonder. I miss him so, and it has been just over a year. He was happy and healthy up until the last 3 days of his life, and I would have done the sub q therapy for him, but he had alraedy been through so much.
I didn't mean to ramble with parts of my story, but if you still have another cat at home, then you should do some intense research and find someone you can trust. After all, we don't usually choose a doctor for ourselves, unless we feel comfortable with them.
Again, I'm so sorry for your pain, but I think you should forgive yourself when you can, Cyril would want that for you. We have all beaten ourselves up with thoughts of what more we could have done, or if we trusted the wrong prognosis/diagnoses. We can't ever go back though, and that is why it is so hard putting your trust in someone's educated specialty.
I just wanted you to know that I feel for you, and I know the grief is intense, really INTENSE!
I promise that someday, soon, you will be able to forgive yourself and remember all of your happy years with Cyril, but you will never stop missing your baby. At least I know I haven't stopped missing any of my babies, and I never will no matter how much time passes.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

First sorry about your loss.
Second, definately yes, talk to your vet. Let him know your feelings about the situation. You may not end up staying with him, but he needs to know what happened and your feelings/thoughts. It will only help him improve and let you give off steam. Especially if he has a young staff this will let him know how they are doing. By doing nothing you are validating his process and his way of running his business.

Take care,

Chris

Please know that I am so sorry for your loss. I know the devastation that losing a furbaby can bring. We all have regrets when we lose our babies but in all honesty there is nothing more that we could've done.
It sounds like you did everything that you could possibly do for Cyril and for that he will be forever greatful.
Please don't blame yourself for this. Everyone here has been thru or is going thru what you are.
We've all been thru the would've should've could've and trust me the guilt will tear you up.
I do strongly suggest that you talk to your vet about this and I would try to find a new vet that I was comfortable with.
While there are no magic words may I suggest that you try to focus on the 14 years that you spent with him and not the last few minutes of his life.
Please keep us posted and know that our hearts go out to you.

My thanks to Michele, Chris and Emily's mom for your kind words. I was so grateful to have found such a great web-site.

Although my close friends expressed their sympathy, none of them actually could emphathize as you all have already done. Until 15 yrs ago, I was probably more like them, so I kind of understand, but don't (you know what I mean?). I am completely 'racked out' by this and I knew in advance that I would be.

I, also, have been crying for y'all while reading your stories about your losses. and I've said a prayer for your lost 'buddies' and that y'all find continuing comfort as time passes. I hope that I do too.

About the vet issue, thanks for the advice. I am usually so direct with people but am really too exhausted to make an issue of any of this right now. Maybe a few weeks and some real sleep will bring back my old self. I'm sort of afraid that bringing any of this up with the vet may cause a confrontation which I'm too tired right now to think about. Usually, I have no problem with this, and maybe he will surprise me but somehow I rather doubt it. Like I said, I just wish I knew if he was even there that morning. My trust in people here in L.A. isn't very high. Seems like people here say what they think you want to hear, whether it's true of not. I've called some folks on it, but it makes me appear rude and I still don't get the 'straight scoop'. I'm missing NY more and more. Thanks again

Dearest onahotinrf,
I just loved your picture, what a sweet baby!

I live in N.Y. state, and I think most of us here are upfront and brutally honest, so I can see why you are missing it. I also like to think that we are one of the "smarter" states, partially because when I was in high school, we were one of the few states that required Regents education. Things have changed since then, but I am partial to where I live.

I know how exhausted you must be right now, grief not only drains you, but it prevents you from getting what you need to recover.

I wanted to thank you for your prayers for our babies, even in your state, it is comforting to know that there are people like all of us here, and now you, who can truly understand the depths of such a loss.

As I said, I think you should change vets, but when you feel up to the 'confrontation', GO FOR IT! Even if the vet doesn't care or seem to care, it might make you feel better to address that part of your story, and then try to let it go so you can focus on trying to live your life without Cyril. I know this is a terrible thought, and you may wonder if you even can, but I am still here after all my losses ( don't ask me how) so you'll make it somehow, and I'll help in any way I can.
Keep us posted.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

Hi onahotinrf, I understand your exhaustion. You're right to wait until you have your head on straight and can talk to him in a calm manner. I don't see this as a confrontation but as more of conversation and understanding of what went on.
Try not to go in with all guns blazing otherwise he'll get defensive and not want to see your point of view.

Good luck and let us know how it went.

Take care,

Chris

p.s., what a cutie!

To both of you again, thanks for understanding.

True to form, my NY self wants to go in 'guns blazing' but my CA self wants to 'stick my head in the sand'. By the way, Michele, I'm a L.I. girl but I went to college at Cortland State and Cornell University up there my you. Hopefully nothing will go wrong with getting Cyri's ashes back and by then I will make up my mind on what to do next.

In the mean time, my other guy, Bert, doesn't need another checkup until November barring any new problems. I suspect that I will try to get his medical record (only need single exam notes and single lab test results) so I can have the labs compared at the new vet when I find one.

Gee, guess that I've almost made up my mind already. I suspect that I won't really ever be able to look this guy in the eye comfortably now. But once I've got the ashes and medical records in hand, I will decide if it's worth any further effort on my part.

I am very sorry for your loss.

The interaction between a person and their vet is much like that between a person and their pastor. There has to be a feeling of trust in the vet or it is not a good relationship.
If I were in your position since I had doubts about the vet I would be looking for a vet in town that I could have confidence in. No vet is perfect and they can all make mistakes. It is how they handle their errors that determines the true character of the vet. Find someone who relates to you honestly and in an open manner and who you feel is doing their best both towards your pets and towards you.

I agree Whole heartedly agree with Ken's Post above. Your relationship with your vet is like a Pastor, You need to trust this person with one of the most precious things in your life... Your pet, which to me is a soul. There must be open communication and Trust.

I found a Vet I love and I would not take My dogs to anyone else, I also take one of my Birds to get his beak trimmed there as well, She is so gentle he trusts both of us, we don't even need to towel TJ for this, he will lay in my hand while she hold his head and trims his beak with a Dental tool with special attachments... and it makes a whirling noise... That's Trust.