Meg's brain tumor progressed rapidly since her diagnosis 5 days ago. This evening, she started losing control of her back legs and her eyes became vacant. She didn't respond to her name and seemed fearful of people touching her. I knelt down to kiss her and she ran away from me. At that point, we were going to give her a couple of days and if she didn't improve, have her euthanized. Within an hour, she was worse. She was confused, didn't know where she was going and seemed lost. She was unresponsive to almost everything. She seemed to be functioning only on her brainstem. We knew it was time.
She was euthanized in my arms a couple of hours ago and buried in my parents' back yard.
I am destroyed. I miss the clicking of my little shadow's tiny feet. I miss the way she thought kisses were gentle bites on my face. I miss her wiggling on her back on the couch. I even miss her stinky Boston terrier farts.
We haven't been back to our house yet, and I am dreading the vacancy. I don't know what to do with her stuff. She has a bigger wardrobe than me.
I am glad I was able to kiss her little face a thousand times before I put her in the dirt. I am glad for the year and a half we had together. I am so angry that a 6 year old dog could have a brain tumor. I am so sorry there was nothing I could do for her. I am so lonely without her and wonder if anything will make me feel happy again. I feel like I have lost my child.

Please know that I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much you loved Meg and I also know how much it hurts.
I also know that there is nothing that I can say to take your hurt away . I know only to well the emotional roller coaster that you are on.
You did the right thing by making the decision to have her euthanized instead of her suffering, although you don't see it that way right now.
I lost Emily to kidney failure in May of this year and I honestly thought I was going crazy. I too had to make the decision to end her life.
Meg was one lucky little girl to have someone to care for her the way you did. You gave her the best 6 years that she knew and for that she will be forever greatful.
As far as what to do with her things, what I did with Emily's was to put them in a big container and put them in our storage bin because I couldn't deal with seeing her things and not her. Maybe sometime in the future I'll give them to a shelter or something but for now they're in storage.

This is just a suggestion, I can't say it will work for everyone.

Please know that you are not alone in your time of grief.

Once again I am so sorry for your loss.

Emily's Mom

Dear Megsmom,

You are not alone. I have been seeking comfort here since Saturday. My chocolate lab Cleveland also had a brain tumor , he was only 8 years old.
His condition deteriorated rapidly last week, and he was euthanized in my arms at the vets office only 3 days ago.

I know what you mean about missing all the little things they did. I am still wandering around the house like a zombie...lost, dazed, confused.
I cannot offer much more right now, as I too am in the immediate stages of shock that death brings. Just keep visitng this site, it really helps.

Please know that I feel your pain, and wish you peace.

God Bless,
Stacey

Dear Megsmom,

I am so sorry for you. I can imagine how you feel, losing your dear dog is a terrible thing. Please take your time to get over the shock before you decide anything. It will take a while to get used to this new situation and give yourself time for this, like you need time for grieving as well.
I remember how difficult the first weeks are.

Nothing I can say will take away the pain, but know that my thoughts are with you. On this site you will find people who experienced the same things and it can be a great comfort, so visit as often as you like, it helped me a lot.
It will get better eventually, although the missing does not dissapear.

Lots of strenght

Essy

Hi Megsmom,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your intense pain. I have yet to lose a dog, but I have lost 3 cats since May 2004, and 10 mice since November 2004. I also lost my paternal Grandmother in February 2005, 3 months before I lost my Cosmo.
I came here 2 days after Mo's death for comfort, and it began to help alot. In fact, the "strangers" I met here, seemed more understanding than my own family and friends, so make sure you come back whenever you need to.
There are really no words to help when it has been such a short time, but it will get better, eventually.
Trust the advice you have already received on here, take time to grieve, as much time as it takes you, it is different for everyone. Don't let anyone close to you in your life try to dictate when you should "move on" or be "over it". Some people will never understand that furbabies are equal in emotion, spirit, and love as any human can be.
What Cleveland's Mom said is true, this time is like being a zombie. I certainly was for the first 9 days, I didn't eat much, drink much, or sleep much, and that put me in the e/r.
I have never been the same since the days when my babies were all here, and I am forever changed. I will still open my heart and home to new souls to love, and each one will change me as I love and eventually, lose them.
As for the "reminders", just do what you think is best. I didn't put anything away, because it made me feel they were still a part of our home, even though the atmosphere had changed when they physically left us. I slept with Cosmo's blanket for several weeeks after he passed, and I still grab it when I am having a difficult time or day ( in fact, I have it with me now.) I won't wash it, and it will never belong to anyone else.
My steps toward healing began when I hand painted his grave marker, and planted a perennial in his honor, but it took me 4-6 weeks to do that. In the first couple of weeks, I wrote a letter to my Mo, recalling all of our times together, good and bad. Most of the letter were of things only he and I shared, and I buried it on top of his resting place, so it would always be ours.

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=2881

The above link is of the first blooming of his perennial, and his grave marker.
Just make sure you do what feels best to you, even though you may have a hard time figuring out what that is right now. These first few weeks and months are a mass of sadness, confusion, guilt, and pain. There is no "easy" way, you just have to move "through" it.
My thoughts are with you, and I wish you were not having to feel this pain, I wish none of us ever had to, or will ever have to, but wishing is all I can do.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

Things are going a little better now. I've been trying to do things to honor her. My husband is getting a tattoo and I might too. I miss her like crazy, and it's hard to not have a dog in the house. I've been avoiding being home which isn't fair on the cats.
I can't stop looking for another Boston on petfinder.org. I feel really guilty about this, but I think it's one of my coping mechanisms. I really want to resuce another Boston sweetie. I know it is too soon, but I need something to occupy me. I've added a picture of Meg when we first got her - before the tumor aged her. She aged a lot in 1.5 years.
Thanks for everyone's support in these hard times. I hope everyone else is starting to cope a little better too.

My baby died in my arms also, so I know how painful it is, but I think that adopting another Boston in Meg's honor is the most wonderful thing you can do. Some people worry that it will be like they are replacing their beloved pet, but this is not so. Your love for Meg will never fade and no one can replace her. Fortunately, we have enough love for more than one person or pet. This lucky Boston will be a unique individual.

I plan to adopt a shelter dog in Daisy's honor as soon as my son is old enough to want and appreciate an animal friend.


Daisy's Mommy