I am filled with saddness. my heart feels very heavy.

my precious, sweet little darling kitty, Sandor, died very suddenly at 5:40 am on Sunday. It only been about 36 hours since lost him.

He was a magnificent creature, gray with a beautiful white chest and white paws with a white spot on his nose.

I rescued him from the animal shelter in north carolina about 10.5 years ago.
I took him everywhere I moved from north carolina to maryland.

Sandor was there for me through my many losses over the past 10 years. He would follow me to bed everynight as though he was guarding of me. He was very warm and very loving.

My beloved Sandor loved interacting with me. He loved it when I got down on the floor and petted him and kissed him and talked to him.

Right now I feel so very overwhelmed with grief and an aching feeling for him I can bearly tolerate it.

When at home I feel very lonely without his strong presence.

It was 4:40 am on Sunday that I awoke to a loud scratching sound. I turned in the light to investigate and then I saw my poor baby lying on the floor right next to my closet, a safe spot for him.

His poor little head was done flat on the floor. He was panting 1,000 miles an hour and moaning. I knew in my heart he would not make it through the night.

Yet, inspite of feeling very drugged from my medication I managed to put him the carrier case and drive to the emergency animal hopsital.

They took him right into the back room. Meanwhile, all I wanted to do was sleep and it was freezing in the waiting room. I lay down on a hard, wooden bench and waited.

Shortly the vet came out and said the progonsis was poor. She said she gave him oxygen right away. Then she went back to see if there was anything she could do to save my baby but not.

The vet came out with tears in her eyes and told me he was gone. I was stunned, in disbelief!!!

The vet said my beloved cat has a stroke or polmunary embolism.

I went into see him and pet him and kiss him and it was so hard to leave him just lying there. his tinly, red tongue was sticking out and his eyes were half open.

I couldn't believe it was him lying there lifeless. I rubbed him behind his ears the way he always loved it as though he would respond as usual but no reponse.

I explained to my two other cats that sandor was gone to cat heaven and would not come back again. I ache for their loss. particulary Agi, who had a close companionship with sandor.

Agi looked around for sandor last night and this morning, looking in closets. I felt so sorry for her.

the loss of sandor has left a huge whole in my home. It feels so very lonely without him their and that is very painful. Another loss for me, the loss of feeling happy and complete in my own home.

Kathy

I'm so sorry about your loss! What a terrible shock for you. Even if you have other cats, each one is so special there is no replacing one who has died. You have the comfort of knowing that you gave Sandor a great life, and he gave you many happy memories.

hugs
Boheme

Boheme,

thank you so much for your support and comforting words. Sometimes I feel like I 'shouldn't ' feel so upset and in so much pain over this loss. Am I normal? Are my feelings normal? Yet, I know in my heart that this is a HUGE loss for me.

We loved each other for 10.5 years. Sandor was always a reasurring constant in my life no matterwhat what was going on with me. He had a strong presence..

Kathy,

I am so sorry that you lost Sandor. I understand the immense grief of losing a beloved cat. In March '05, I lost my 20-year old cat Pavlov who had been with me for 18 1/2 years. Then, this past February, I lost my 13-year old cat Ginger who had been with me for over 11 years. The grief I felt over the loss of each cat was tremendous - more than I felt for the loss of my father who died in '93. Like you, my cats provided a sense of consistency and stability in my life. They (especially Pavlov) had been with me through many life transitions - moves, jobs, and relationships. They provided me with unconditional love and acceptance that humans are rarely capable of providing. Losing both of them was like losing my reasons for living. So, I know the depths of grief that you can feel. Nothing you feel is crazy or inappropriate.

In time, it does get easier. But, in the meantime, please honor all of your feelings and allow yourself to experience your emotions fully. Only by doing so will you allow yourself to fully heal. Please make use of this site. It has helped me tremendously. I have also attended pet loss support group meetings that are offered by my local county animal shelter.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sandy

Kathy,

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Everyone here has either been thru is going thru what you are.

Although there no magic words that I can say right now, please know that we are here for you and that talking about it really does help.

I lost my dog Emily in May of this year to kidney failure so I know only to well the emotional roller coaster you are on. You are not going crazy,although you feel like it at times.

There days when you feel like you can't go on but somehow you do. You feel like nobody understands the hurt and the pain that your feeling but trust me, we do.

Finding this site was a Godsend for me. Everyone here is just wonderful and so understanding. Please know that you are among friends here and that we understand exactly what you are going thru.

I searched everywhere and I couldn't find any pet loss support groups in my area to attend, (because we live in such a rural area) I did find a book and bought it, called:

Coping with Sorrow on the loss of your Pet: Moria Anderson,M.Ed.

I'm not saying this will help it's just a suggestion.

Take care of yourself and try to remember the good times you had with Sandor.

Also, don't forget had it not been for you rescuing him from the shelter he wouldn't have known the love and care that you gave him for the past 10.5 years.

Your friend in grief,

Thank you so much everyone for your understanding and comforting words. It is a huge help to know that I am not alone and there is a place for me to come and share my feelings.

Yesterday when I posted I was right there with all of my raw emotions of deep grief and anguish and aching for my darling Sandor. I felt better right now although I still feel very, very sad and I think that is because I was able to come here and let everything out and feel the full compacity of my pain.

Last night I felt different at home, not so lonely. I discovered that my other cats, Agi and Josefi were a source of imense comfort and that I provided them all the comfort and love I have in my heart for them. As a result I feel that we draw comfort from the loss of my beloved Sandor from each other, that we are in this together. That we are going through this together.

My feelings of shock are starting to come back up right now as I write this post. I feel the rollar coaster in action. But the difference is now I feel a sense of hope that I will heal and that I can tolerate the pain and anguish and I will heal from this loss.

But not too quickly else I feel that I am not fully honoring Sandor and he trully merits to be fully honored by me. He gave me so very much and I feel so much love for him right now. My heart feels full of love for Sandor and for Agi and Josefi in this moment. and I feel very grateful to have shared so many wonderful years with Sandor loving me and me loving him through thick and thin.

Love,
Kathy