Moving her crate out of the house. Washing her blankies and stuffed toys. Waiting for them to call so I can pick up her ashes. Knowing that when I vacuum next, that will be the last time I vacuum up her hair. These are the things that make me cry. I didn't cry when I saw Sissy lying lifeless in her kennel. I didn't cry when my husband zipped her into a body bag to keep her safe until we could get to the crematory. I feel like I am going crazy. I just want to stay in bed all day, forever.

I keep playing that whole night over and over again in my mind. I'd just gotten out of the shower, and I realized it was way past the dogs' bedtime. We sent our son out to bring the dogs in. I mentioned to my husband that Sissy was due for her shots next month, and then our son came in and said "Daddy, Sissy won't get up." Before all the words were out of his mouth, I knew - my son's almost 14, and hasn't said "Daddy" in years. And I could see in his eyes that he knew she was dead but didn't want to believe it. I think a part of him was sure that his Daddy could fix it, like Daddy always could fix everything. But not this time.

I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful German Shepherd. Little things are hard. I can really understand about vac%%ing the dog hair. It really does get better though. It may not feel like it now, but as time goes on, it will get better.

What a beautiful dog! Yes, the little things are the hardest becasue they bring memories with them.

I am sorry for your terrible loss.


Daisy's Mommy

Oh,what a gorgeous Shepherd! I do understand about the little things. When I first visited this forum back in December, I remember the discussion about the attachment to areas where the pet had had accidents - like where my Magic had drooled for the last time, and people mentioned how the places where the pet had had accidents that they couldn't bear to clean. I wondered how I'd ever sell this house. So, yes, the little things do matter, and no, it doesn't mean you're crazy - you are having a grief reaction, and there is nothing unusual or weird about what you're feeling. We all wish we couldn't get up in the morning, realizing it meant facing a day without our pet. It's a sick, nauseating, painful reaction to an event which will change you and your family forever.

How is your son doing? A discovery like that is bad enough for us adults - I've discovered both of our departed pets, and witnessed the grief my 12-year-old felt
when he lost his hamster, and again when my other teenage boy lost 2 hamsters within a year. It's hard enough for us, but they have no frame of reference for this grief, and need lots and lots of support sometimes. I remember sitting with Alex for hours when he lost his hamster, and it was devastating for him. I hope your son is doing as well as can be expected. Sometimes the comfort I got from those two young men was the most meaningful.

Let us know how you all are doing - we've all been there, we know you're not crazy - even when you are positive that you are - and we care and understand the agony that goes along with a loss like this. Take care - Barbara

Thanks, all of you, for your caring, and for commenting on how pretty my girl was. That picture is from when she was 5 - it's the best picture I have, almost like she was posing for the camera. She looked great all of her life. It's only in the last couple of years that she went grey around her face, and she was a little thinner than in that picture, but she was beautiful til the very last.

My son is doing better, but he's being so hard on himself. He doesn't feel like he spent enough time with Sissy when she was here, and now she's gone, so he has a lot of (unfounded) guilt. I think we all do. We just moved a few months ago, and we are getting ready to relocate again, so we haven't been spending as much time with the dogs as we did back in the city. I have to keep reminding my son, and myself, that we have every evidence that Sissy was a happy dog who enjoyed her life and left it peacefully. She had her good looks and excellent health right up to the end, and died in her sleep with a full belly after a really good day - what more could we have asked for our good girl? Heck, I hope we can all go out like that. Still, it's hard to be grateful when we want her back soooo bad.

I still haven't been able to vacuum - I just can't bring myself to erase the last tangible evidence that she was here. I don't care if the house smells doggy - I want it to smell like my Sissy forever. I did get the toys and blankies washed. My son has asked if he could have her collar and her favorite toy - we let him have them (and he's sleeping with Sissy's ducky right now). The lint trap on the dryer was full of her hair. I could not throw it away, so now I have a baggie full of dog hair from the dryer. That's just nuts, but I just couldn't put it in the trash. I still can't believe this is hitting me so hard. I'm not even a dog person - I'm a cat person who married a dog person. My husband and son are allergic to cats, so we got dogs. I just never expected to love them so hard.

My husband is an undertaker, and I'm surrounded by death every day. Two weeks ago, I did a lady's hair for her funeral and helped put her in a casket. The week before, I bought baby clothes and diapers for a 2-month-old girl who'd been accidentally smothered in bed by her parents (someone rolled over on her) to be buried in. I take calls in the middle of the night from weeping wives and bored nurses, and every one of those calls means that a person has died. I only feel a vague sort of pity for them, and here I am now just destroyed by the death of a dog. I feel so guilty now that I don't feel more for the people.

I was a nurse, and remember taking care of dead babies and people, and not feeling that grief that I felt for my pets. It was sad, and sometimes I cried with people, but not like I cried for my pets. Your son's reaction is perfectful normal - we all have recriminations - I should have petted him more, made sure he had plenty of water, been there for him. There's no way around it - there will be guilt no matter what. It will ease him to have some if Sissy's things. I don't know what to say about the vacuuming. All I know is that no matter how hard I cleaned, I never got it all - there is no vacuum that strong, so there will always be remnants of Sissy no matter how hard you scrub or clean. And again, there's no shame in keeping that bag of fur. We all have mementos which may seem odd to other people, but make perfect sense to us.

My Magic cat died in her sleep too. The only comfort I got from that is in realizing with all the pain and suffering that pets - and people -- go through to pass on, there are so many other ways where she wouldn't have had that dignity. I know it's small comfort now, but he'll eventually come to see it. It took me awhile to get through the "why's". I feel animals have a better sense of when to leave than we do - and where they go there's no pain, lots of toys, and lots of other dogs to spend time with. Still, he'll need to talk, and like I say, I spent hours with Alex trying to come to terms with what happened. Dude went peacefully, and in the end that's what counts.

Take care, all of you - Barbara