I don't even believe that I am writing this,it can't be true...this morning very early I was out walking my daphne and now she is gone.In the blink of an eye,in the time it takes to catch a breath or to turn around it was over.She was on her leash, it was 6 in the mornihg , we were on a dirt road....she was sniffing something,I was looking at tree....I heard the truck coming and she bolted towards it before I could pull her back....I picked her up and held her close to me...she died in my arms and now I don't know what to do.Life changed that quickly and I don't know how I will go on without her or how I can make sense of the senseless.
Something inside me tells me that she knows how much I loved her,something tells me that love transcends death,something tells me that there is a reason for this but all of that is intellectual right now....right now emotionally I am so bewildered and so stunned and so shocked and there is a gaping hole in my heart...daphne meant the world to me..it is that simple....she changed my life and brought so much joy and love with her...how do you go on?

((((((((( Hugs )))))))))))))))
My goodness that is tragic. And the truth of it is, you do go on. You don't want to. You cry, you rage, you miss her. But life has a funny way of easing the pain as each day passes. I am SO very sorry for your loss, we've all been there and we really do all know what the pain of losing a pet feels like. For some of us, time has passed and it's not as harsh or biting any more. For others, the pain is still so fresh that you really don't think you can go on. Please let us be your shoulder to cry on. Talk about her, share your pictures and stories with us. We'd love to hear about your sweet dog. In time, it won't hurt nearly as much, although you'll always have a piece of her in your heart.
All I can offer you is my prayers and I will keep you in my thoughts -- God bless you and may He help ease your suffering right now.
Lori

You will (in time), feel that you can go on...

Right now, after something so unimaginably tragic, shock..... Pure shock!!!!
I would be angry, pissed off, I don't know......

Was is Daphne's time??? For God to call her to Rainbow's Bridge????

The thing that I hope that you can really really believe is that your beloved Daphne is at Rainbow's Bridge......
There is no pain, no suffering....
She is running and enjoying time with all of our furbabies that have gone on before her.......

I am sorry, because I don't know what I would've done....
It is just total disbelief.....

Daphne, of course your baby new how much (how very, very much) you loved her...
There is no question in my mind.....

She was out with you on a beautiful walk, enjoying the outdoors, and she passed away in your arms.....

Still, I am soooooo sorry for your loss.....

Please, stay here on LS, this site has seen me through very tough times...
There is a lot of wisdom here.....

You are in my thoughts & prayers,

God Bless,
Love, Denise

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind words or how they have helped....I really needed to connect with others who have gone through this and I am grateful to have found this site and I am so grateful for your support.
I loved Daphne so much and I am so lucky to have had her in my life....once this great wave of grief eases it is my aim to celebrate her life.... but right now i am so angry and so heart broken and I miss her so so much

I'm sorry about Dapne's sudden death. I can imagine how much your hurting right now. Believe it or not, in time, the pain will dull a little. Oh, you'll still love and miss your Daphne, but the pain will lessen some. At least she's happy at RAINBOW BRIDGE right now. My thoughts are with you.

Wow, I can only IMAGINE the pain you are in. I am SO sorry. As every wise and loving soul here at Lightning Strikes has said, in time it will get so much easier. But.... how unbelievable and heart-wrenching it is right now!!!

You are right about the fact that Daphne knew (and knows) how very much you love her! That is completely true.

And I believe, too, that love transcends death. In a book I was reading during the days before my sweet Little Girl passed on, it said, "After death there is no time or space---only LOVE"... So to Daphne, it will seem like no time has passed before you will be there with her. But the difficult part is for you, because your soul is still living inside your physical body. But I know that this site will help you.

Much love and comfort. You are in my prayers!!!
-Little GIrl's Mommy, Kathy

To each and every one of you who sent me kind thoughts my heartfelt thanks....you will never know how much they mean to me or how comforting it is to know that people are so caring.
Now that 24 hours has passed since I lost my beloved Daphne the reality of it all is sinking in and the tears won't stop flowing...the one thing I am holding onto is that there is a reason for everything and that in time through this pain I will find that reason.
I can't imagine life without her....but I am grateful for this site and for all of you.

Hickory, my heartfelt and deepest sympathy are with you in this awful time. As you have said, the reality of it is sinking in and that will be tough. I remeber being so "rational and intellectual" after putting my cat to sleep (just a short week ago) and then the reality and I never knew one could cry so much. I was not able to go home for 3 days, and now that I am home, I feel like I'm in a fog of denial. It is so very hard, but this site and people on it, have helped so very much. We are all travelling the grief road together b/c of our furry friends. You will never hear, "it's just a dog, or cat" or "just get another one" We all understand and are here for one another. As much as I hate to have been a "member" of this site, I'm so glad it was here. God only loans us the people we love and then he takes them, no negotiations, but the love we have experienced is the true gift and we will be with them again.

Keep in touch, read posts on this site, and most of all....grieve!

I light a candle each night for all the furry souls to find their way to the Rainbow Bridge and say a prayer. I'm sure Daphne heard me and my Kirstie was probably waiting to greet her, along with all the babies on this site.

Much comfort and prayers,

cindy

I am sorry to hear about your beloved Daphne. How devastating! You must surely still be in shock and disbelief. I just had my little Hannah put to sleep two weeks ago today, and am still missing her so. I was so lucky though to have time to spend with her before she left this world. You remind me that I have much to be thankful for.

There are wonderful, compassionate helpful people on this site. You can reach out to us, as we are all grieving so and still trying to help each other. If you read some of the other posts, you'll see that most of us wondered and still struggle with how we are to go on in this world without our children. The fact is, we just do. You know Daphne doesn't blame you. Don't blame yourself. It was not your fault. You were there with her and held her in your arms. It sounds like you both must have been having such a nice day together. Again, I am so so sorry. I'm sure she knows how much you loved her. Please take care of yourself and we will be here for you. God bless you in the difficult days ahead. You're in my prayers too. Marcia

Dear Libertybelle,Muffins,Cattybird,Littlegirl'sMommy,& Mayabella.
My thoughts are with you and your dear pets too....I am so grateful for your support and your comforting words. I have been weeping uncontrollably for the last 2 days but I have still managed to walk back to the site with my daughter ( who came from NY to be with me here in NH) and mark the spot with a cross....we also tod her much we loved her and missed her.
We then sat and wrote three pages of memories,bought flowers,walked back to the site and read all of the memories and did the same at her burial site....we sent a letter and a donation to the shelter where she was adopted in her name.I am trying desperately to focus on the positive and to honor her memory.
Daphne was an abused dog and I worked with flower essences trying to change her memories of trauma....in the process of trying to change her she changed me in ways i couldn't imagine....she opened my heart wide and my love for her knew no bounds.
Bless you all
Daphne Jane's Molly

(((hickorywind))) - I am so sorry about Daphne. I am almost in as much shock as you are! Sweetie, I cannot even comprehend the pain and the shock you must be going through.

Please hang on to the fact that Daphne did (and does!) know how much you love her! I KNOW that she's at the Bridge, and she's great! We're the ones left with the heartbreaking pain.

I wish I could say something or do something to truly help but I know there really isn't anything I can do. Just please know I'm here for you.

Jan

Day 5......the finality is setting in and I am unable to stop these tears...I don't know how to channel these feelings or to work through this grief. I feel numb and sick and nothimg seems to matter. I keep seeing the accident over and over and over again.....it won't stop playing in my head....i see her small white body,feel the leash still in my hand,see myself cradling her, feel that enormous heart stop beating....how to you go on? How do you step back into the "real" world when everything is so surreal?
I guess the only place I feel that I can scream my pain is here...I have had great support but I wonder how long I can talk about Daphne Jane or burst into tears at the drop of a hat and not have them feel uncomfortable. That may be my misperception or my fear but right now that is real too.
I miss my baby girl....she was a long haired chihuahua that I inherited from my daughter...when I first met her I was scared to death of her...she had been an abused dog and was unpredictably vicious ( a protection defense I imagine ) But gradually we forged a relationship and then she came to live with me and the rest is history...our history.I was determined to make her feel safe and loved and I wanted her to trust me implicitly.I did alot of research on touch therapy and flower essences and I made an essence especially for her consisting of herbs for past trauma, abuse and distrust...i massaged her every night and I tried to make her feel she was loved.It worked! She won over the neighborhood and became the sweetest,most gentle dog....okay okay she wasn't so cool if she didn't know you or if she felt threatened but other than that her behavior changed completely.The best part was her complete trust of me....she let me do anything to her and she knew I wouldn't hurt her.That was the most rewarding thing for me.....she opened my heart ....it was wide open for her and I know that is why this grief is so unbearable....I loved so deeply and so completely.
I know I will survive although it doesn't feel that way right now....I am just searching for a way to get through this.....i read a wonderful quote yesterday "what really heals is learning to live with wounds" I know that we all have wounds we need to live with and I appreciate each and every one of you.
Daphne Jane's Molly

Molly,
I read your latest post and got another stab through the heart at the tragic accident. If I'm still this shocked about it, I can only imagine your shock and excruciating pain.
I don't have any answers about how to go on, except to spend lots of time here and read through other people's posts about their healing journeys, and to write whenever you need to.
I am sending "rescue prayers" your way.
Hugs of comfort,
Little Girl's Mommy, Kathy

Hang on to us, hickorywind. You know, I'm sure that "seeing" the accident in your mind will always stab your heart. You wouldn't be a loving person and mom if it didn't. But, I think you are very wise in holding on to the thought of "living with wounds".

You can ALWAYS scream your pain to us. That's what is so wonderful and healing about the people here.

I know the accident keeps replaying in your mind like a hideous horror film but you MUST THINK OF THIS EVERY TIME IT DOES:

The accident is OVER. It is NOT happening now. It's DONE! Daphne Jane is NOT hurting NOW. She's NOT. She's a lot happier than we are!!!

(Not trying to yell at you - just emphasizing). So, practice saying that to yourself whenever you think of the accident (which I realize is constantly right now). Say it out loud if you have to. I'm not trying to make the memory go away - it won't. I'm not even trying to make it stop hurting right now. It still will. But, try to balance the horrific with the FACT that it is not a current nightmare. It is a past nightmare.

We love you (truly). My heart goes out to you.

Jan

I had to post this, as I feel your pain and loss deeply.

The one thing that made me feel "ok" was what a dear friend said to me.

He said, "I don't want to fix you, you're not broken. I can't take away your pain. It is something we all must endure at some point in our lives and it is the very essence of our soul. Each time your pain feels overwhelming and consuming, instead think of it as your soul bubbling up to make us even better and more loving people."

I hope this helps. Just GRIEVE, and be with people who will let you just grieve. We are here for you.

Cindy

I read and re-read your posts and the others, and I am so sad and so sorry for all of us. Right now, I hardly know what to say.

I too replay every single bad aspect and second-guess myself and am having trouble remembering all the wonderful years Hannah and I had together. One thing that works for me sometimes is to know that dwelling on the worst isn't going to do me or anyone any good. I have visited with two of the vets she's gone to in the last few years, and just talked to the grief counselor at the vet's where she was put to sleep, and still I agonize. Things that pain me just keep coming up. As I said before, at least I had some time and knew it was going to happen. I just cannot tell you how much I hurt to you too.

That is so great that you took the time and incentive to do the therapy with little Daphne Jane. I wish I had done something like that with Hannah. That precious little dog could not have been any luckier, I'm sure. I am glad that your daughter came to be with you.
I hope this helps. Sometimes I'm afraid to respond to the posts because I'm not sure what might help or not. This has been an awfully bad day for me too. Just a little over two weeks, and I think it's just starting to "sink in" that I will never hold little Hannah in my arms again and never have those Hannah hugs and kisses. Ah, what a sad, sad place this world is right now for us without our babies!
Marcia

Oh Baby Hannah's Mom I am so glad that you wrote to me.....we all have our own unique experiences during our shared grief. I always look forward to reading what others have to say not only becasue of the comfort but because there might be a "tip" to help me through the hurt.
The nights are so so long aren't they? I lay in bed and even with the radio playing the quiet is too much....I see her,I see her running to me,I see (feel) her snuggling into the crook of my arm....I see that silly little face that I loved so much and the tears start anew.
The house is so empty ....so damn empty and I feel empty too....how do you even begin to fill the void that is as big as the universe? I guess all we can do is go through it....and you know what? if this pain is the price I pay for the time I had with my sweet sweet daphne jane then I am more than willing to pay it. I wouldn't change a second of the time I had with her ....I just need to find that well of strength and courage to face this and not let myself be taken over by the grief.I want to take all that daphne taught me and go on...I want to make her proud of me...but oh how my heart aches....
I imagine that all the tears we have shed could fill an ocean

"i'm waving as you go
my heart is breaking so
you just smile and say
don't mourn for those you love
and I cry you a waterfall
cry you a storm
cry you an ocean salty and warm"
-kristina olsen
love to you all

My thoughts exactly! Such pain and emptiness, such a lonely world without our babies. Thank God we have this place where we can all share. Such love, such caring. If you haven't read it, you should read the post about the "Little Orange Boy" on this site. It's posted under "Poems, Tributes and Eulogies." We all "chose tears." I thank God that I had almost 16 years with Miss Hannah. Our time together was worth choosing tears -- that "Ocean of Tears." (Very pretty and sad little poem too.) Oh so hard to let go though. Take care of yourself. Email me any time.
Marcia

I walked up to the site where it happened this morning....I went up there Monday with my daughter and hadn't been back since.This was the usual route that Daphne and I went for our morning walk and I wanted to keep on avoiding it but I couldn't. I had a long long night where I couldn't sleep and the minutes stretched into hours and the memories unfolded one right after another like butterfly wings .....I was edgy and cross and full of tears and so I made myself walk there and I saw the flowers and the small cross I'd made and bound with grapevine and I cried until I couldn't cry anymore and I told her how much I loved her and missed her and I told her how sorry I was....last night an interesting feeling flitted into my mind and that was that I had let my sweet sweet Daphne down....whether or not our feelings have any validity in reality I guess we have to feel them and acknowledge them and hopefully let go of the ones that don't do us any good.
How many ways can you say you hurt? How deep can that hurt go? A million and as deep as the deepest ocean I am finding. I try to focus ,try to keep my public face but it is so hard when all I want to do is curl up into a ball and weep for my baby....if I haven't said it before I'll say it again...thank god for this site and for all of you on it

what i am beginning to realize is that this page is turning into a record of this sad sad journey for me....it is the place i want to come and spill my guts...it is the place i feel the safest right now and it is the place where i feel the most connected to my sweet girl.
i made it through the day and the evening....i was in a public situation that called for lots of shmoozing and i was actually able to put my game face on and talk and smile my way through it all....at dinner afterwards i could feel myself beginning to fall apart....one of my friends started talking about her dogs and i wanted to scream...i stared at the ceiling and took deep breaths....i could hardly wait to get home and write this.
Saturday AM ...I just walked up to the site again and watched the sun spill across the fields and felt the breeze on my cheek....i had a good cry ....i whispered my love and I noticed how the flowers I had placed there were starting to fade and how the grass was growing longer ..it marked that time was passing eventhough it feels like time has stood still for me.
on the way down the hill i was having this conversation in my head....i think i was imagining what i was going to tell the people i still haven't told about daphne when i see them...i have to admit that in my mind i sounded like i was whining and it stopped me dead in my tracks. i realized that i can handle this in two ways....i can go the "poor poor pitiful" me route or i can accept this loss and try to go on with grace ( i think i need to delete the try....someone told me one that if you put try in a goal you'll never do it) so i choose to go on with grace. this tragedy changed my life....i will forever miss my sweet sweet daphne jane and right now it doesn't seem like I'll ever stop grieving or hurting but i am going to focus on what she gave me instead of what was taken away.
om my way home i could see the house of the guys who hit her....i could easily keep fillimg my heart with hatred and resentment and bitterness but if i do that where will the love i feel for my girl go? i just stopped on the side of the road and i said into the wind that i forgave them....maybe they were just part of something bigger than all of us
So that's where I am at 7 this morning...who knows where I'll be at 7 tonight?

Molly,

I hope you are hanging in there. I know this is hard! I had to tell you that I was touched by what you said:

"om my way home i could see the house of the guys who hit her....i could easily keep fillimg my heart with hatred and resentment and bitterness but if i do that where will the love i feel for my girl go? i just stopped on the side of the road and i said into the wind that i forgave them....maybe they were just part of something bigger than all of us"

I do believe that people/things/events are part of something bigger than all of us, but too often I forget. Thanks for reminding me! Daphne Jane is smiling down at you. I hope you're doing ok. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Write any time. Love,
Little Girl's Mommy, Kathy

Little Girl's Mommy
Thank you for your kind words and thoughts...I am hanging in there but it is hard....you make a step forward and take 2 back...Saturday I had a good day and then yesterday I was right back in the whirlpool of grief...I am just going to have to understand that this grief is a process and I am going to have to go through it to get through it. I just cannot believe how much I miss my sweet Daphne or how my heart aches for her.
I did fill out an application to be a volunteer for chihuahua rescue here in NH ( Daphne was a long haired chihuahua) and I felt so good about that Saturday but now I am nervous about it all and wondering if I am ready to be around dogs.What is really difficult is the second guessing,the doubts in myself...I am indecisive about everything it seems ...even things I know are right in my heart.
One of the hardsest things to get past for me is I keep having flashes of the accident....does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with that?
I keep reminding myself that it is over ,that it isn't happening now, that she isn't suffering but that is harder said than done...it is so nice to be able to vocalize this to people I know will understand and I appreciate that so much
Love to you all
Daphne Jane's Molly