It was two years ago today that I made that hard trip to the vet. It was a Sunday. I wanted to spend the Saturday with Oswald. And we did spend that Saturday. He was sleeping between the delphiniums, waking up to take water, or to rub against me.

He was dying. His fur started coming out and he had lost a lot of weight. The ravages of kidney disease after three years of (mostly controlled) diabetes started taking their toll. He was 17 and I opted not to treat him just to prolong his life for a few more weeks of suffering - that would have been for me, not for his good. He hated the vet visits. The vet had warned me that his kidneys were starting to go months before that. I was prepared; I was so unprepared.

I offered him tuna and all sorts of treats. He walked away. For a wee beast who loved to eat - too much - that was a heartbreaking sign

The Sunday morning, I let him out in the yard again and stroked him, trying not to show him how upset I was, failing miserably. At 1:30, my husband said, "It is time." I walked with Oswald in my arms, showing him the house one last time. I let him sniff his two fur-buddies one last time. Alice licked his head.

On the way to the vet, I thought my heart was breaking. I held him tight and let him look out the car window. When we went in, I told him I loved him and it was over. Over so fast. My brave boy gone in the twinkling of an eye.

My dear boy, it was June 20. You left us in the spring of that year. The delphiniums are big again and when I was weeding, I looked over to where you were sleeping in the foliage. You never made it to summer. I hope it is always summer in your heart. I hope you are up at the rainbow bridge stuffing yourself with all manner of good things, the food you weren't allowed because you had diabetes. I hope the diabetes and pain are all gone and you are tormenting squirrels again.

I know I will see you again. Although the pain is mostly gone, except when something reminds me of you, sweetie, I miss you every day.

dee dee