My beloved Mink (the black kitty) was hit and killed a week ago, and I've just been crushed by his death. He was only 3. He was my child, my baby, full of cuddly affection, goofy weirdness, and the heart-and-mind connection that makes some pets truly amazing companions. I've buried 3 cats in 4 years; the other two were 18-1/2 and 16 when they died -- to lose Mink so early is so unfair. The disbelief lasted for days, and I still resent the hell out of having to accept this. For the first several days I didn't eat, I barely slept, I cried all day. Finally, though, I've come to realize he's not coming back (at least in this guise), and the numbing shock is wearing off. My lows are still raw and unbearable, lasting much of the day. But when I lift up, I rise up a little higher each time, to a place that almost feels like I can think about functioning again. And then I feel guilty, like I'm betraying him. I feel like I'm ready to lift up out of this heavy fog now, but it feels disloyal to leave him behind. Willow, his brother (the gray one), is actually adjusting much better than I. I think starting to feel better is coming within reach, but I'm still so reluctant to let him go. I feel so torn: it feels like the choice is to help myself up out of this gray, gray pit, but in doing so I'm leaving him behind. It's been like physical withdrawal, and I don't want to lose the shreds of feeling him in the now, and resign him only to memory, fuzzy and indistinct. Advice on how to get past the guilt of not wanting to stay mired in this painful gray hell anymore? Of course I'll continue to grieve, but I've gotta start functioning again.

I'm feeling the same right now. My dog died on the 13th (read the bye bye Danny boy thread) and everyday it seems to hurt less and less, but that makes me feel bad, as if I didn't love him enough after all the time we'd been together and as if by getting better I was leaving him behind or being disloyal. I think I'd feel better if I felt sad or guilty, at least I would understand myself. I suppose it's just a phase that we have to get through.

It helps me to remember that Daisy, my beloved dog, would not want me to be unhappy. While on earth, she would run to lick me if I cried. I did everything for her while she was here - so I know I need to do this one last thing - be happy again.

I am sure all your pets feel the same.


Daisy's Mommy

I experienced a similar thing. ..Then I decided that when waves of grief came over me, THEN it was time for some more grieving. But when the waves weren't there, I got the sense that my Little Girl was helping me to function, to actually feel sort of normal. I agree with Daisy's Mommy completely!

What a beautiful baby Mink was. I know your pain as my Little Kitty died early too. She wasn't quite as young as Mink but she was still young by kitty standards. It's been 2.5 months and I still feel guilty for working through the hurt and pain and going about my daily life. We buried her in our front planting bed so when I feel low, I go tell her how much I love and miss her. Even though the raw feelings may subside, you will always have a place in your heart for Mink and that is the lasting love that matters. I am very sorry for your loss.