5 years ago today i lost my beloved Zachary. More like a child than a 'mere pet'.
I felt so crushed by his loss. It was made wose by the fact that i had to consent to have him euthanized. I had never had to do that before and I felt very conflicted about it. Today, in his honor, I would like to post and exerpt from another post, of how I struggled through that painful period. I hope that some of the words might also bring one of you the comfort that you are seeking too. LS is a wonderful place. There is so much peace and healing here in the words that people leave. It was, and continues to be a very special website with very special people. Thank you to the Administrator for continuing to maintain this special palce in the world.
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Grief counselors say that the 'stinging' unbearable pain will last about 6-8 weeks.
Then you move into a sort of numb place. The first year, for me, was ALOT of mourning. i mourned every montth on the 18th. I mourned his birthday, his death day and all of the 1st holidays without him.

Posting & reading at LS helped. I bonded with several people here who were suffering with me also. I bought a very good book:

The Loss of a Pet, by Wallace Sife. Very comforting book.

I chose to get professional grief counseling too, as my suffering was really making it hard for me to function normally in those first few months. As it turned out my counselor had recently lost her cat of 18 yrs. She was in the same place I was too. She was much older than me and had lived through many other losses...this was truly my first loss.

And finally, even though I could never 'replace' Zachary, the ACT of literally rescusing a dog from an animal shelter, in honor of Zachary, brought me another degree of comfort.

I found an odd sort of peace in knowing that through Zachary's death, another little soul would be *saved* and be united with ME! I co-existed with this new little rescue dog for months. I gave her a home and tended to her basic needs. quickly I felt HER dependence on me....I could see that i was still needed here and had more work to do for her.

Lucy was saved from an over-crowded animal shelter because of Zachary's passing. That was a VERY comforting thought. She was alwyas a very gentle, loving, low-key dog. very soothing personality. I never felt that she competed in anyway with Zachary's Memory. I never felt like I betrayed him. But i always used to think that it would be so callous of me to 'run out and get a new pet' so quickly after the death of any pet. But here I was, overflowing with grief and desparate to find a meaning in his death.

By *rescuing* Lucy, I truly felt that I had given his death real purpose. For her new life with me was ONLY possible through his passing. One depended on the other.

I wish all of you much healing. Our sweet little one dwells within in our heart now, and they are ever close!!

Soon you will feel them there just like I did, after the truly sharp pain subsides.

In Peace and Healing,
Kathleen
Loving human to
Zachary *daiquiri*
November 8, 1991- June 18th 2001

I know exactly what you mean (of course, I'm kinda bias...my girl came from the shelter!)! We have so much love in our hearts to give, and there are so many who need that love so desperately, I'm so glad to know that one of those precious souls now resides with someone as loving as yourself. It is so good to hear from someone else that still carries the pain (although yours is much more under control than my own) after such a long passing of time. All the people here at LS are 'new' to their losses. They come, stay for a short while, and then they fade off as their grief becomes easier to manage.....and I'm still here as they come and then they go, wondering what is wrong with me. There are others here who have had more time since their furbabies passed than myself, but the thing I notice with them is that they are here to offer support, not ask for it as I do. Sometimes it makes me wonder what is wrong with me. Why can't I move forward from this? Why do I still relate so sorely to the words that others type so soon after their furbabies passing when it has been almost 2 years for me? Maybe my husband is right....maybe I do need professional help.....

Kim,
I lost my Magic cat in Dec., and again I lost my Groucho cat yesterday. I've started counseling and am on anti-depressants partly because I know I never worked through my loss in Dec. I thought I had been one of those who move on - really believed it - but in my grief I knew that one of the first places I needed to be (besides a therapists' office) was right here, where I find people who so generously give of their time and offer such comfort to those of us who are new to grief and added grief.

One thing I would like to say, is that through all the pain and supposed healing I felt in Dec., and now to come back here and find you still here has been a real source of comfort to me. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps one of the reasons you're still here, in spite of your continued pain and grief, is to continue to offer solace and ease our ways through this morass of grief we newbies ( and oldies) feel. I feel for your pain, I wish with all my being that you weren't having to go through this, but I thank you for your words and comfort you've given to complete strangers who are all suffering.

If you look for peofessional help, make sure it's a grief counselor. I've found that they have a lot to give, know what to say, and have constructive ideas on how to deal with all sorts of things, including - in my case - family tensions that arose as a result of what happened then and what will happen now. Please take care and let us know how you're doing.

Zachary's mom, thank you so much for letting us know some of the ways you dealt with your loss. I too found the Wallace Sife book very helpful, and have gone back to it now after my latest loss. You've given us a real blessing with your words, and it takes a special person to go out and bring back another unwanted soul at a time when they (and you) needed it. I'll read your words again and again - thank you. Take care, Barbara