I've been reading all the different messages, they have made me cry, they have made me understand that I am feeling normal things and I have a new outlook on getting a new dog. I know everyone grieves when they have lost a pet, but I have just been on an emotional rollercoaster the last 2 days.
My husband went to let Abby inside and she was just lying outside the door barely breathing. We knew that if we left for the emergency hospital that we would probably not make it. I think we were right because she died a short time after we found her. I keep trying to tell myself we made the right decision. She died with me holding her on her bed in the living room. I feel so guilty because I feel like I missed the signs that she wasn't feeling well. She was an older German Shepard. She was having trouble getting up and looked a little depressed. I passed it off as maybe she was having hip problems, since that breed is known to have that type of problem. So needless to say I have a lot of guilt and just ashamed that I didn't know.
We are moving in a couple of weeks. I feel like leaving this house that I am leaving her behind too. This is where I have memories of her. I am very sad that she isn't coming with us to our new home. We were looking forward to giving her acreage to run and a brand new house to live in with us. It is just not going to be the same moving there without her.
I am waiting to get her ashes back next week. My 4 and 6 year old are having a hard time understanding the whole thing. My 4 year old thinks that she is coming back from the vet.
Our house seems so quiet without her. I still have her things around the house, but I have to start packing for the move. I'm just really dreading taking down her leash. I know the pain will lessen but I have never been this upset over a pet dying.
I really want to thank you all for having your messages up for others to read. It's very helpful.

Abby,

I lost my dog last week and it was a similar situation. He couldn't get up. He had been having hip problems, but this time it was worse. I took him to the vet and decided to have him euthanized. He couldn't move his head or his tail or his body. He had been steadily going down hill. I had him at the vets several times over the last few months and knew he wasn't really well. He was still a very happy and loving dog. Now I am living with the guilt. It would have been much easier if he had passed away in my arms then making the decision I made.

I can't eat or sleep and I don't want to be around anyone. I have a 7 year old who seems to have taken the news in stride. I have another dog who is actually older but seems in good health.

It is extremely hard to deal with losing a pet, I'm glad you have found some peace from readings others stories.

I too will be picking up Codey's ashes next week. I'm sure it will be a very difficult day.

I hope your sorrow lessens in the days to come.

Whether their deaths are sudden and unexpected or long in coming, the pain is terrible. I feel sure that in years to come, you will find comfort in the fact that your baby died in your arms rather than alone at the vet. Mine died in my arms at the vet. I wish that she could have been home, but she was having a terrible seizure and needed help to leave this earth. It is comforting to know that I was there with her - although it was the worst experience of my life, but I wish she could have just died peacefully at home.

Fortunately, my son is too young to notice her absence.

Daisy's Mommy,

Anne

I am so sorry to hear that your sweet Abby has gone to the bridge. I am sure that you will experience an emotional roller coaster for quite some time yet. Pain, guilt, so strange really how the whole guilt thing works. I know everyone says that there is guilt no matter what you decide, but I just really believe that if Sasha would have passed on her own, I wouldn't have such a hard time accepting her death. Every time I think of her being gone, I am sick to my stomach at the thought of having taken her life. I have no regrets about her life. I know I provided her with 16 of the best years any furbaby could ever ask for, yet I am consumed with the thoughts of that day that I held her while I allowed someone to take her life.....I murdered my best friend....that is a hard thing to wrap my mind around. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I regret the decision I made. I knew that it was the best thing for her at that time, and I try to trust my feelings at the moment I made that decision. As much as I like to beat myself up about it, I know I would have never let her go if my heart didn't know it was what was best for her. That doesn't help the guilt though. I just wish that she would have died peacefully in her sleep or something. I really think that if she had died on her own, I could just focus on how wonderful her life was and feel proud that I gave a pitiful little shelter puppy the life that doggie dreams are made of. Now, everytime I allow those wonderful thoughts into my head, they are always quickly followed with 'that day' and my stomach starts to churn. Maybe someone who has lost an animal both ways can shed some light on this for me.
Your friend in grief,
Kim

Codey, Anne, & Kim- Thank you all for your responses.
I don't think there is an easier way of letting your pet go. Whether it's at home or at the vet, it's equally hard. Either way there is that guilt. I really thought about that while I was sitting with Abby that night. I knew if I even had the time to make it to the emergency vet, that they probably wouldn't have been able to do anything or if they could it would have been more money than I probably had. I still would have the guilt of letting her go. But Kim, you really hit on what I have been trying to tell myself. That you make what you feel is the right decision at the time and that you just have to trust yourself. No one would ever intentionally murder their best friend, and you can't think of it that way.
I have the same stomach turning when I think about it. I've been trying to not allow myself to go that far. Everytime I start thinking really deep into it, I just stop myself. I don't know if that healthy or not, but I want to focus on the good times. Nights are still really hard though. It's like my mind is in denial during the day but then at night reality sets in.
I am still dreading the day I get the phone call from the vet to pick up her ashes. Have any of you done this?
Thanks again for your support. I hope that I can lend my support to you all as well.
Take care-
Jennifer (Abby's momma)

Yes, I had my girl cremated. I was also dreading picking up her ashes but strangely enough it ended up being a comfort to me. I sat and held her urn and just cried for hours in disbelief that my beautiful girl had been reduced to what was in that box, but after I got that out of my system, I was glad that I had made that choice and was able to keep her with me always. I personally couldn't have buried her because I would have tortured myself with morbid thoughts, and cremation also allows us to keep them with us no matter where life takes us...not that they aren't with us in spirit, but having her remains with me just makes me feel more complete...everyone is different I guess, but I like to have her 'here with me' when I need to have something to feel 'physically' connected to her. I also had some of her ashes put into a 'teardrop' that I wear around my neck. I never take it off....NEVER...and it also serves as a comfort to me. I wish you luck in bringing your girl home one final time...you're in my thoughts today....
your friend in grief,
Kim
P.S. Here is a photo of the urn we had custom made for our Sasha....

That is a beautiful urn!! I also have trouble believing that a pet that gave so much love and joy is reduced to a tiny portion of ashes.

When I look at the pink marble case containing Daisy's ashes, I wonder the same thing that Boo Boo's Mom wonders. I cannot believe that my beloved friend is inside that case, when she should be out here barking and wagging her tail. Then I try to remember that the important part of her - her soul - is not inside the case, but awaiting me at the bridge.


Daisy's Mommy

I am so sorry for all your losses. It has been 3 weeks since I lost my girl in an accident and it's been 1 heck of a roller coaster. I have guilt from that. So I wonder if it's guilt regardless. The past 3 days have been a crying marathon. I too am moving and having a hard time with that. I don't want to leave her and not sure how to move forward. WIll she know I didn't leave her? Can she follow me or is she stuck there?

I know just what you are going through. We lost our German Shepherd 2 days ago. There were no warning signs, everything had seemed normal that day. At her last vet visit (about 6 months ago), the vet said that she was very old (12) but in great shape. Her only signs of aging were that she was a little stiff in the mornings and gray around her muzzle. But Thursday when we went to bring the dogs inside, Sissy Marie was dead. I've spent all my time since wondering if I'd missed some sign, some symptom that the end was near. But really, there was no way to know and it was just her time. She played outside, she came in twice when it rained (she was afraid of thunder), she ate all of her food, drank some water, laid down for a nap in her sunny place, and just didn't wake up.

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is nothing anyone can say or do to make it any easier for you, but the one thing you can do is don't beat yourself up over it. You didn't do anything wrong. Like my Sissy, it was just your girl's time to go, and you were all lucky that she didn't have to go through a long period of illness and infirmity first.