I am just beside myself thinking of all of the souls that I have lost on Earth since May 22, 2004. There have been so many, and I'm not sure how much more I can take.
I posted a picture of my new cat Wilson, and he has been my band-aid, but his adhesive better be stronger than cement, because the losses keep happening. I try to assure myself that this is all for some good reason, but I have yet to find out what that reason may be.
So, if you read some of my older postings, you'll know my story. Also, if you have read my posts before you'll know, but for those who do not know, I'll recap my last 2 years of loss, then cry like a baby.
I lost my 6 1/2 year old male, black and white cat, "Creep" on May 22, 2004, to irreparable megacolon.
I lost my 3 year and 2 1/2 month old deer mouse, "Chance" to old age in November 2004, after hand raising him from 5 days old. A few weeks later I adopted 2 female mice from the SPCA, and 1 was pregnant and gave birth to 14 babies, of which 12 survived, and I kept and loved them all.
In February 2005, I lost my 95 year old Grandmother Mary, the only one I knew, to complications of age and illness.
On May 24, 2005, I lost my "Cosmo" to kidney failure (his pic is my avatar), and his death lead me to this forum of support and healing.
In July 2005, just 2 days before Cosmo's 2 month mark of passing, I lost the first baby from my mouse family, "Rip". Later that month, someone dropped off another deer mouse that needed a week and a half of hand raising, and I named her "Midget", and she is still with us as of now.
Then, I'll be honest, it just kept happening and my memory is not so clear. I lost another boy of my mouse family, "Buster".
Then I lost my first girl mouse of the family, and since 5 out of seven were identical, she had no special name, but she died in my hands.
Then, I lost another boy, " Chip".
Then, I lost their mother, "Dash".
Then, I lost my boy, "Bo".
Then, I lost my runt girl that survived, "Limpet".
Then, I lost the other girl that I adopted, "Smudge".
Yesterday, I lost another identical female.
I now have only 5 left of the family, as well as Midget, my cats Wilson, Rufus, and Beaner ( who is aging and not doing well.) I also have my 2 dogs Sage and Coco.
The grief I have gone through, and the grief yet to come is UNBEARABLE!
All of my mice were 1 year and 7 months or younger when they passed, and I knew it would happen, just not this many this close together. They had the best of everything, expensive, fresh food, refrigerated bottled water, and premium bedding, and I was diligent in their cleaning and care, even when there were 8 cages.
I sometimes think it is unfair when I tried so hard, and yet, there are alot of "not so nice" people out there who could care less about animals.
As I sit here and reflect, I know I did my best, and I have no guilt, but my heart is broken, and I miss them.
I needed to let it out to all of you caring souls that are here in this forum- where grief has brought us together.
Thank you for reading.
Peace, Love, and Prayers, to all out there in grief,
Michelle

My mice have not been so easy to photograph, but I'll try to put in a pic or 2 to show them to you.

Here is another.

This is the last one, sorry I'm not too good with the collage effect, as Aaron made the first one for me.

They are adorable and from the photos I can see they have been given everything a mouse could desire! You are a very caring person and it must have been a tremendous amount of work for you when you were maintaining 8 cages!!!
I understand what you are going through with your loss. Years ago my family and I adopted a male rat Frankie from the pet store. We were worried he would be lonely so we adopted another male, Caramel. Well... Frank turned out to be 'Frankie' and had a litter of 13. We gave 3 away to people who promised they would have loving homes. We kept the rest out of fear that they would become snake food if we took them back to the pet store. We separated the boys from the girls in 2 large cages. (I made monthly trips to thrift shops to get them little plastic houses and those Little People playsets to use as their jungle gyms).
We lost our last one, Robin, several months ago, to old age. He was 3 and a half. But most of the others died much sooner. We gave them adequate care, but were told by the vet that there is a genetic tendancy for illness in rodents. Other than Robin, they all died with similar symptoms. It is hard with so many, to watch them die. They have such a short lifespan and it hardly seems fair that they can't stay longer. Robin was the hardest for us, because he was with us the longest. They were all nice, but we had so many that we chose the more outgoing ones to name and bond with. This was my first rat experience and I was surprised at their intelligence. They were fun and loving companions.
After they died I thought of ways I might have done more, but I am not sure that I could have. I am sure you can relate, rodents have a tough time out there, being sold in pet stores for other purposes, and they are lucky to have a the good home they deserve. I always felt good that I kept them from a potentially horrible fate and kept the family together. I don't know about mice, but my rats loved to snuggle together. You gave them a nice safe home and a good life!

Michelle,
I just returned from a two week vacation and while I was reading all the posts that have taken place while I was gone, I saw your name. My immediate reaction was exitement to hear from you again, but that quickly turned to sadness when I read the post. I am so sorry that you have had such a rough time with so many losses. eek said it best...So many people just don't see them as 'pets' and treat them accordingly. There is no telling what may have happened to these precious babies if it weren't for you. Even if someone else would have adopted them, I don't see most people caring for all of their babies as well. They would have ended up given away as some childs 'play-toy' that would eventually grow boring to them and end up neglected or worse. You obviously made extra effort to provide them with a healthy, stimulating, environment and loved them very much. I know some people may not relate the same pain to losing a mouse (or hamster,rabbbit,ferret,reptile,etc.) but to me, a beloved pet is a beloved pet, regardless of their size. Heck, I cried for over a week when my special little fish Maddison died. I got her from PetSmart. I picked her because I had seen her there for weeks. Her back fin had a big 'kink' in it and I knew noone was going to buy her, so I brought her home with me. She was a solid velvety blackmoor goldfish and she was only about an inch long when I brought her home. I had her for 8 years and she got to be 6+ inches long. She actually had quite the personality for a fish and would even take treats from my hand! One day, without warning, she just died. I cried hysterically...My eyes are actually watering now even as I type this...I really do miss her...even though she was 'just a fish'. Just keep reminding yourself what a wonderful thing you did for these little mice...you are such a wonderful mommy and I have no doubt that you couldn't have done a thing better for them. Instead of beating yourself up you should be patting yourself on the back! I'm thinking of you...
OH! I forgot to tell you what a doll baby your little Wilson is...boy did he hit the 'kitty lottery' finding you for his mommy ! Smart kitty
Love,
Kim!

Thanks Eek and Kim ( Wow, Kim, it has been a long time).
You both made me feel better with your understanding. For me, it has never been about the size of the furbaby, just the bond. I never really wanted 14 mice, but once I saw them be born and grow, I couldn't let them go. Besides, who knows what their fate would have been ( reptile food, etc.).
To both of you, I am sorry for the pain you have felt and still feel from your losses. As hard as it is, I wouldn't trade what they gave to me before they left this world. They give us much more than they take when they pass on, and that is the reason I keep opening my heart and home to new, loving souls. If I didn't take those risks, I would have missed out on alot of joys ( as well as, the sorrows).
Peace and love,
Michelle