Good morning. I'm so glad that I found this site in my quest for some comfort. I have a 16 year old Cairn Terrier named Bonny that is being euthenized this afternoon. She has an inoperable tumor and her kidneys are failing. I know that it's time and that only I can end her suffering, but I am in so much pain knowing that I am about to kill my best friend. She was my first "baby" and since there has been a me on my own in my own place, there has been her. We've been through so much together and I can't believe that it's almost over.

I have read many posts and I know that there are many people on this board that have already done what I am about to do. I guess I'm looking for advice. Is there anything you wish you had done and didn't? I've taken tons of photos of her today, given her all her favorite treats (she is still interested in those) and cuddled with her as much as I can. Is there anything I'm missing? I would hate to wake up tomorrow and think, "If only..."

Thanks so much for being here. I was so relieved when I started reading this board. Finally, people who understand! Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I feel as if my heart is breaking...

Georgette, proud owner of Bonny

Hello Georgette,

Unfortunately, I don't have much advice, but did want to respond to your post. You are not killing Bonny! It is sad and unfortunate that she has become old and sick, and I know how sad you are today, and for that, I am very sorry. My only advice is to not be in the room when they do what they do, as you don't want to wonder if she thought you caused her pain at the vet's office. Stay with her until the end after the vet euthanizes her, so she will know you were always by her side. If she is suffering, it is best she goes to rest in peace, rather than endure pain and sickness. I hope it helps to say that as time goes on, you will feel better having her rest in peace than dying some worse death. I will be thinking of both of you today. I am sorry for what you are going through.

Hi Georgette,

The only thing I would have done different was gotten a lock of Misty's hair to keep, and made prints of her paws on a stepping stone for my balcony, you can get kits to make stepping stones at Micheals and most craft stores. I thought that would be a nice way to remember and if you have a garden you could use it to mark the place you buried her ashes or what have you.

You are not killing Bonny like Nanny said, you are doing the kindest thing by releasing her from her suffering. As you probably know there are a wide range of emotions you will feel and all are normal. If you need support there is lots of that on here, and ask your vet if there is a pet loss support group in your area. I called and spoke with a pet loss support councellor a couple of times and it really helped.

The most important thing I can say is if you feel you can handle it hold Bonny during the injection, I held Misty during alot of tough things, she was my kid and I wanted to be there when she breathed her last breath. It was hard, I am crying now, and I could have stayed at the vets office and held her lifeliess body for hours after, stay as long as you have to and tell her everything you need to, How much she meant and how much you loved sharing those special things with her.

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I hate the idea of having to ever do it again. I had to put a cat down on Dec 31 a bird down on Feb 7th and my dog on Feb 18th... hopefully that's all for this year. I have 16 soon to be 17 critters and the new dog is 14 yrs old but every moment is a gift that I wouldn't trade. The positive memories far outweight the pain of the end, The pain is brought on that all the fun and laughter has to end. Remember the good times even if they bring a tear to your eyes.

Dear Georgette,

I do not have any good answers. I know I wanted someone to tell me it was right, so I kept asking my boyfriend, who kept telling me to wait a little more, just a little more untill it showed. Until I got angry one day, because if you SEE an animal suffering, it is more than time. Just to show that you are, of course, not murdering your furfriend. You are doing the right thing.

Only one advice I feel very strongly about (I'm not sure if this message will reach you in time) but I feel that if you are strong enough, you SHOULD be there when the vet euthanises your pet. I never questioned this for myself. Gynnie was with me through all the hard times, I would have never abandoned him at that moment, though it was shocking. But if you think you are too stressed, maybe it is better if your not there, that would only panick your pet. It is a very personal thing.

I wish you all the strenght to cope with your loss and I feel for you.

Guinny's essy

First off, I want to say I'm sorry your baby is so sick. Having to put to sleep your furbaby is a very difficult and tramatic experience, at least that's what I experienced. Not so much while it was happening, but before and after. Anticipating it, knowing it is the end, and then leaving the vet without your animal was so very hard for me.

I too, would be in the room and if possible, hold her for as long as you can. My dog was too big and had to lie on the floor. I wish I could have held him, maybe he would have felt safer, I don't know. And stay for as long as you want. Any caring and loving vet will give you as much time as you need.

Other than that, there's not much that can prepare you for this. I hope you know you are NOT killing her. You are doing what is best for her. Her pain will come to an end. Unfortunately, this is where it is painfully hard for you. This site will help you. Everyone understands.

Mary

I forgot one thing.

I see here a lot of people left their animals with the vet.
My dog was put to rest at home. I carried him out to the vet's car myself and that was it. It felt awefull.
Fortunately I had decided to cremate my dog. So three days later I could see him one more time. You would not believe how good this felt at the moment. We got to say goodbye to him properly, we laid roses and his favorite toy and cried our hearts out. I got to caress him once more, feel his familiar body.
And although it does not ease the pain afterwards, it seems this was the right thing.
Euthanisia goes awefully quick, especially when your furbaby is awake, conscious, affectionate still. When they have left you are in shock. You are not capable to say goodbye properly. I imagine this is the same when you leave them with the vet. So I think this could be helpfull for a lot of people, if you have the means and the facilities in your vicinity.

I hope this helps.

Guinny's essy

When I took my little kitty, Hero, to the vet three days ago, I didn't really think I would have to put him to sleep, I believed the vet's assistant who I spoke with on the phone who told me they would be able to help him even though his kidneys had shut down and he was in renal failure. My regret is that if I had known that I was taking him to be euthanized I wouldn't have put him through the daily pills and injections that he hated so much. And I would have cuddled him longer instead of rushing home from work and rushing him out the door to take him to the vet right away. I still feel a terrible guilt for taking him from his home to a strange and scary place where he died. My only comfort is that he was strong enough to climb into my lap while I was waiting in the exam room and that he wasn't mad that I had put him through all those pills and needles the past 4 days. When I think about how he forgave me and loved me still, the memory helps to ease the pain a little. I am so terribly sorry that your Bonny is so sick and I want to tell you not to be angry at yourself for what you are doing. When you get to the vet you will feel horribly conflicted but you can trust that Bonny knows how much you love her. Hold her for as long as you can, and when you have to let go remember that your choice to end her pain is the most compassionate and loving act you can make.

Dearest Georgette,
My heart cries with yours as my pain is still quite new. It is only ten days since I made the agonizing decision to say good-bye to my beloved Spike. He was a Border Terrier, also 16, and had been my sweet souldog for 14 years.

The cir%%stances of his illness and death are not terribly important here. Just know that guilt is almost universal among owners who decide to euthanize. Most of us know when it's time...it may be just a split-second of realization, but we know. Once the decision has been made, many of us go on auto-pilot to make arrangements, drive to the vet, gather our pet's things at home, etc.

But it doesn't take very long before we start second-guessing ourselves. Should I have done more? Did I wait too long? Was it really time? Maybe I should have waited. As my husband and I got into the car for Spike's last ride to the vet, I said to him...almost whispered..."There's still time to change our minds". But we knew we couldn't. Just before our vet administered the IV drug, I wanted to shout "Stop!", but I couldn't.

Georgette, please know that the decision to euthanize is one of the hardest things a pet owner will ever have to do. It's hard because we love those little guys and girls so very much. And it is always love that motivates us to recognize when it's time.

I belong to another online support group, and one of the loveliest things I've heard there was this.....Deciding to euthanize a beloved pet is deciding to take the pain on ourselves to spare them.

As far as working through the grief, I found the first week to be absolute hell. On the one-week anniversary of Spike's death I watched the clock and re-lived what we'd done at that time a week earlier. I can say that I was almost as upset that day as I was when we said our final good-byes.

Since that one-week mark, each day has been a tiny, bit easier. The crying fits are less violent, and the time between is a little longer. A few days after putting Spike to rest I saw a message in a greeting card that I have adapted and which I have used as a sort of mantra. Every time sad thoughts of Spike threaten to overwhelm me, I repeat this.....Rather than mourn the absence of Spike's flame, let me rejoice in how long and how brightly it burned.

This doesn't take away the sadness, but it always brings me back to a place of gratitude for the 14 wonderfully happy years that I was privileged to be Spike's best friend.

Godspeed you through your grief to a time when only happy memories fill your heart.

Juanita