Dear all,

Like all of you I lost the "love of my life" on 6th May 2006. Gynnie meant the world to me, but strangely enough I never realized how much this was true until he was suddenly gone. It feels like that very proverbial piece of my heart has been cut out. And although it has been weeks, although he was old and probably in a lot of pain, although he could not get up any more by himself, although I know I did the right thing by euthanising him (the most horrible decision of my life) I can not get used to life without him.
At first I was in shock. For days I felt like I murdered my best friend. This fortunately went away, but I have not succeeded in placing this event in a meaningfull way in my mind. Oh, rationally it is all very logical, very right. But the emotional part just will not fall into a place where it gives me peace.

We had him cremated and I felt relief when seeing him one more time before that. Another thing you never realize, an animal that lives with you is as familiar to you as a child, you know your animal by seeing a part of tail or a paw. That thought has comforted me since.

He was my best friend ever. Nowone in my life has been so close to me as he was. And God, do I miss him. At first not even that much, strangely enough. I got a lot of support and a lot of people surprised me by being genuinly sympathetic, some surprised me by being the opposite though as well (surely you all know that feeling as well).
But now that normal life has picked up ... it seems to get worse and worse. In the train home from work I often cry and I always think of him. And I keep reaching out to him mentally, try to get rid of this maddening emptiness. Every night I hope I dream of him, but so far I have not. And I feel lonely.

In the last years I had to say goodbye to a lot of loved ones and those were each very heartbreaking experiences, but Gynnie was with me, in my life, for the last 11 years almost every day! And I know that life will never be completely "right" again, although I love life itself. It's a sad and lonely feeling. I do not really want to talk about this with anyone anymore, for it is a very private experience. But of course here you all go through the same thing (unfortunatly) so that is different.

Do any of you want to comment on that strange feeling that you are so close to your pet that it is as if they are in your head? And how do you deal with that maddening emptiness?

I know how you feel. Life sometimes feels hollow without a special buddy at first.

When we all agreed to adopt our friends we knew that we would probably outlive them. Now it has come to pass and we have to learn how to do it. I always tell myself that I was extremely fortunate to have the time that I did with Sidney. Those years will always be cherished, and they do much more than compensate for the pain that I now feel.

I'm sure that you will feel the same way soon, if you do not already.

Good luck.

First so sorry for you loss. Yes, it is one of the most painful experiences you will have, losing a beloved fur baby.

What you are going through is what most of us have gone through on here. Every day is agonizing and you feel like you may be going crazy. And you are right, the loneliness is what gets to you the most. However, as Sidney's Buddy stated, you live on the memories. What may help is to put a scrapbook together with his pictures and assorted items. Don't dwell on the death, concentrate on the life you had together. Keep thinking how lucky you both were to have each other in this life. Know that he is in a better place and will forever live in your heart and memories.

Please feel free to continue to come here and post as it can be cathartic.

Take care,

Chris

First of all, thanks for your reactions.
Part of me knows you are right and yes, I feel very blessed to have had such a friend, such a special bond with someone close to me. That is why I used the term "love of my life". They sometimes say you only meet a few souls that are real love in your life! I believe that Guinny was one of them. And I think that wherever he is now, he's better of. That part is good. But it is the "here I am and now what"-feeling. I just don't reach the beyond, perhaps I do not even want to reach it right now.

We have another sweet dog, she is the dog of my boyfriend that I have been living with for three years now. But it's as if she would be Russian, I just can not reach her, she doesn't speak my language like Guinny did. It's really frustrating and it makes me miss my furfriend even more.
But anything makes me miss my furfriend. It's no use thinking thinks like "If only I could hold him again one more time" but that is what I feel all the time.
Apparently he was a big part of my strength, when the going got a bit tough I would hug him and all would be well again.

You are right that I should do something to occupy my mind in a good way. I'm trying to desine a website myself and in fact it helps. But although I am usually very creative, right now everything is difficult, feels off somehow. I guess it is just a phase I'll have to go through, like all of you.

I will regularly visit this site, if only to try and comfort others that go through the same thing. I read a lot of stories and I feel for everyone of them.

Courage, we say in french, to all of you!

I completely know what you are going through with Guinny. I, myself, had to put Brewster to sleep on the 5th of May. I cried for 3 days straight without hardly eating or sleeping. I was an emotional wreck. It has been a really hard month so far and just the other day I had another "bad day". I too had my friend cremated, so I sit and talk to him when I am sad. I am glad part of him is still with me in our house.
I just recently received a new member to my house, his name is Buddy. I truly believe that Brewster sent him to me. The owners HAD to find a good home for him. Although he will never "replace" Brewster, he has brought me alot of joy.
Mabey in time, Guinny will send you another "best friend". In the meantime, hang in there, sit with Guinny and talk to him as if he is sitting right next to you.

-Jeni

The bond between a beloved pet and his or her person may be one of the strongest bonds there is - they are part of us - we are tied together by a bond of love. When they leave this earth, the spiritual bond remains, but the physical bond is broken and we bleed inside - thus the feeling of emptiness.


Daisy's Mommy

Thanks for your kind words.
I try to think of it the way you describe, Daisy's mum, that our bond of love remains, but it is very hard since I miss the contact we had so much. It is all so evident untill suddenly it is torn away from you.
Most days I am ok now (supposedly), but I have setbacks, evidently. Then I can cry my eyes out, which does not help. I still wish he'd be back and I still feel awkward when trying to redirect my attention to our other dog, who is much less receptive and needs less attention as it is. And every time I think of it I wonder how come there is absolutely nothing that remains apart from memories. It's a mystery to me and I suppose it now becomes a matter of faith (which I never gave much attention to before).
Brewster's mum, I see what you mean, but I have trouble acknowledging the urn on my cupboard as containing something of my dog. This is probably due to the absolutely terrible way the people from the crematorium treated me (us). We had to come back for the urn and he still had to fill it up!!!!! Horrible person, really. It does nothing for me. So sometimes I talk to him in my head and then I am sad.
So far I have not done anything to honour his memory, whereas otherwise I always find comfort in things like that. I just ignore it and walk on.
I suppose it's all to much right now, my dad died only 6 months ago, we still have to sell the house, try to get through this as best as we can without falling apart as a family. There's only so much one can take. But nothing is as bad as missing my dog.
I miss Guinny every day and I would give anything for his comfort right now. I hope some day I dream of him someday, usually that happens when I miss someone very much, but only after several months.
Hope is not a process, they say, but at least it is something to cling to.
Thank's again for your comforting words, I'll try to do the same for others that are suffering their loss. That's my way of honouring Guinny for the moment.

Essy