My wife Jan saved Pesto from a neighborhood pet shop 13 years ago. I say 'saved' because, since he was 6 months old and not likely to be sold, he was being kept in a filthy cage in the basement. His hair was dirty and matted and he had a cough. When I came home and saw him for the first time, my first reaction was to tell Jan to take him back and get her money back. She told me to lower my voice as the poor dog was frightened enough already.

The next day she took him to the vet for a check-up, got medicine for his cough and brought him to a groomer. When I came home that night I saw the beautiful dog Jan had seen beneath the filth and sickness. While he started out as Jan's dog, he quickly became 'our' dog. I've often told Jan that she represented the parent, with all the attendant headaches, while I was the uncle who got to just do all the fun stuff.

Shortly after we moved to a new apartment, we noticed that Pesto was becoming increasingly agitated when it rained - especially during thunderstorms. We began giving him Rescue Remedy and doing our best comfort him. Over the next several years, he bacame more and more anxious. The vet said he might have Cushing's disease and he seemed to be exhibiting some of the symptoms - drinking a lot water, urinating frequently, panting, etc. Several rounds of tests were inconclusive.

For the past year Pesto has had to go out several times each day and more often at night. Since I work full-time and Jan baby-sits occasionally, the burden fell on her to walk him, sometime four or five times a night. He also seemed to be losing his zest for life, having breifly interludes of happiness but looking miserable the rest of the time. Jan was heart-broken to see him fading and expressed her thought of ending his suffering. I asked her to try and keep up hope pointing to the brief happy periods. When he stopped eating, Jan said she could no longer bear to watch him fading away.

We agreed to put to him to sleep. When the vet asked if we were in agreement about the decision, we said yes, though I was still secretly hoping Jan would have a change of heart. I felt I had to respect and support her decision, since she was Pesto's primary caregiver (mommy). When the vet suggested we take him to a specialist, I again hell out hope that Jan would agree. But she said she couldn't bear to prolong his and her suffering.

That was on May 24. For the past two days I have been riddled with guilt, thinking I should have volunteered to walk him at night, taken him to a specialist myself - anything to change the outcome. I am haunted with the image of him trying to leave the vet's office while we waited, as if he somehow knew what lay ahead. I haven't even begun to feel sadness for the loss and am doing my best to support Jan in her suffering. It's way worse than either of us could have imagined.

Sorry about the long post - it's my first. We could both use some words of hope for the future, because right now it's bleak.

Thanks for listening.

Chris

First, I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss of Pesto. A lot of people here know what you and Jan are going through. I don't have any magic words to ease the grief or shock. If I did, I would have used them on myself a year ago when we went through Daddy Cat's euthanasia. It is never an easy thing to accept ownership for making a decision like the euthanasia of a loved furkid. It speaks of the depths of our love that it torments us to this extent. You will both work through these feelings in your own time and in your own way. Take solace from the writings in this forum. May your burden lessen with the passage of time.

Take care and support each other,
Ken Albin

I hope you will bear with me since I just registered and have never done this before. I felt, tho', that I had to write to you, knowing quite well what you are going through.

First, I can tell you that making that decision to end your pet's--your family member's--suffering will bring you heartbreaking guilt, no matter what. The last 2 pets I had to have put to sleep had advanced cancer and couldn't breathe, and I still agonized over the decision and played a thousand "what if I tried...." sceniarios over and over as I sobbed uncontrollably. I especially felt this way since with each of them, they were fine one day, the next morning they woke up with trouble breathing, went to the vet, advanced cancer, then I made what I thought was the only decision--to put them to sleep. I didn't get a chance to explore the options, tho' I now know there were none. Still there is always that "what if" no matter how unrealistic it is.

Second, your baby was not ancient but was in the "old" category for a dog. No matter what you tried, he simply was not going to have many years left. Is is so very, very sad that our furry family members don't live longer; but it is something we cannot change. My dog I just put to sleep Feb 25, was 16and a half. I was extremely lucky to have him that long, as that is very old for a medium sized dog. I know that, even as I cry out to God to turn back the clock and just give me a little longer. Even if that were possible, I would still have to face losing him some time. As for your dog, taking a dog that age to a specialist would at the absolute best, prolong his life a little longer; at worst, and much more likely, your baby would just have to endure painful treatments that would only add to, and prolong, his suffering. Did he deserve that from the people he trusted above all others to care for him?

Third, you said you saw your beloved Pesto go downhill and have few "up" times but more "down" times than not. Think very long, hard, and honestly; if it were you, and you were in the same condition as you saw your dog and had the option to cross the bridge, would you really not want to, to end your suffering; especially since you were old and only going to get worse, not better? Our pets can't tell us when they hurt or when they are ready to go. It is left up to us to do the thing that is absolute agony to us, but is the last, and ultimately kindest thing we can do in return for all the love they have given us: put an end to their suffering and, as I believe, send them to heaven to be healthy, happy and young again, and waiting for us when we come.

Lastly, I wish with all my heart I could say something to ease your saddness. Then I would have something to ease my sorrow over the loss of the dog I put to sleep in February. I sob at least once a day over his loss. But, I am disabled and home alone all day. Also, my husband feels grieving more that a day or two over an animal is excessive; so I have no one to comfort me. In addition, he has told me that how I handle the loss of that dog indicates whether or not he will allow me to get another dog since he feels I grieve an unnecessarily long time over the loss of my pets; so I can't let him see me cry nor talk about Keystone too much. You are lucky in that you and your wife can share the grief. And don't just help her get through it, truly share it with her. Cry with her, hold each other, do those "remember whens" even if they're done with tears running down both of your faces. You both need to grieve, allow yourself to do that.

I will leave you with one last suggestion which at first you will think: absolutely not!! He cannot be replaced and I will not risk feeling this way again! But I will say it any way. Somewhere out there is a dog or a puppy or a cat or a kitten who needs someone to love him. Someone who loved their pet as much as you both did, have wonderful love to give to another furry family member. A new pet won't replace Pesto in your heart; but it will find a place of its own in your hearts. Also, in caring for someone new, it will take your mind off of and help you feel your grief for Pesto less often. Do you risk feeling the heart rending grief again when it is the new pet's time to go? Yes. But think hard--for all this grief you are feeling, do you wish away even one minute of the time you had with your beloved Pesto?

It is never easy to make the decision to end our babies life.I wish there was something that I could say to make your hurt and pain go away but I can't. I had to put my dog Emily down on May 6th of this year so I know exactly what you are going thru.To this day I second guess my decision but however deep down I know my dog was begining to suffer and that's the last thing I wanted to put her through.Please know that you are among friends here and our hearts and prayers go out to you and your wife.

What you are going through is the most natural part of grieving, even had Pesto died naturaly i can assure you you would be asking yourself the same questions.

I should have noticed i should have done.

As you have said your wife was the main carer and i can assure you that a bond is created and somehow you just know that now is the time, now is right and you just go into auto pilot and do what needs to be done.

I can also say that your wife is going through the what ifs too and you both will for some time, you should talk and tell her what you have told us and grieve together and in time heal together.

Love Sue