I am desperately needing your support to help me cope with what has happened. My dog OP , 3 years old , was put to sleep one week ago by my husband , Ben . We both loved him very much. OP was a rescue . He was 2 / 3 months old when we got him .
If we would try to pull him out from under a chair or out of a corner he would bite us. We both felt , he was just a puppy , and would grow out of this. He never did. Taking him to the Vet we always had to give him medicine so WE could put the muzzle on him....trying without he would bite us.
During his short life , i tried to help him. Using two of the best trainers in North Carolina , the answer was the same........OP had what they called a fear gene , something he was just born with. Medicine , a behavorist , and unconditional love did not help. We found a kind and gentle man that worked , now retired from the human association , that live on a large farm that said he would gladly take him. That did not last even one hour before we were called to come and get him. The only two choices were put him to sleep or completely change the way we lived. We opted for the second.
For the next 3 years we told anybody that came into our home , " Just ignore the red dog " We were never really concerned that OP would run up and bite someone else unless.........you tried to pet him or back him in a corner. But , YES , we always worried about children coming over. We just told people to allow OP to come up to them......it was stressful to live like that but OP was worth it.
Op loved life. He was what many would call a Carolina dog , can be found on the internet. They are considered the beginning of how all dogs orginated. Even with us he was fearful. Some days i could walk up to him and give him love , a treat , a pat on the head.......and then ten minutes later i would go to him and he would put his tail between his legs and run and hide. You just never knew how he would react. Cherokee , our German Shepherd , would always try to stay between OP and anyone that came into the house......did not matter if they were long time friends , a stranger or even us. Rambo , our trainer , said he did this because his instinct was not to trust OP.
About 2 months ago OP bit Ben . All Ben did was pat his head to tell him good night as he did every night. Just one bite but enough to cause great pain and swelling to his hand. I knew then something had to be done.......still did not want to take his life.
In North Carolina there are only two certified Animal Dentist. I called the best of the two. A kind gentle Dr. with 28 years in practice. Explained my situation and what i was thinking about doing. Having OP's teeth filed down so that if he bit again there could be no tearing or pucturing of the skin. My main concern would be , if i did this , what would OP's QUALITY of life be ? The Dr. assured me that after the initial heeling his quality of life would be the same. We would start out slowly , then if need be may have to pull some back teeth. For the first time i truly believed i had finally found a solution that could save his life. Shared all this with Ben. He thought , lets just wait , maybe that night i just startled him .
Now i am writing to you for help because OP is now dead. Mother's Day , that night , i too always kiss and tell my dogs how much i love them before i go to sleep , OP bit my hand . Not just one or two bites but many. I was kneeling by his bed rubbing his head , i know in my heart i did not startle him . My hand was bleeding severly , i should have gone to the emergency room. I did go to the Doctors the next day.
Tuesday morning Ben took him to our Vet and had him put to sleep. I begged Ben to please let me take him to the dentist . To take OP's life , he was not sick , old or hurting i just could not do that. I was afraid of how i would feel knowing that i killed OP. Ben , and let me say again , he is a kind , unselfish , loving person that would move mountains for me if he could.........but........he said he could take no more , our life had for the last 3 years been turned upside down for OP. Always on guard when people came over.....he just could not and would not live like that any more and that i was being totally irrational. Since then i can not eat or sleep all i do is cry. If only the dentist OP would be alive. OP gave us all the love that he was capable of.
In the 3 years we could see a slow improvement with his fear. Yet , we also knew that we would always have to be careful with him. Where i feel like i am losing my mind is taking the life of a young healthy dog that so much loved life. Death is so final , maybe i should have driven him out into the country and let him go back into the woods where he came from......stood up to Ben knowing it could have caused problems in our wonderful marriage that i thank God for everyday......I pray to God for Him to give my heart peace........all i feel is that i murdered someone that i truly deeply loved.
I know this has been a long letter but i wanted to give as much information about my problem so that you could better help me move on. Am taking medicine , under my doctors care but that is not helping. Please someone help me.
Pace

Pace,
You have been faced with one of the worst situations I could ever imagine, and I feel so sorry for what you and your husband have been through. Did he? Did he really love life or is that what you tell yourself just to make the guilt as bad as possible (we are all so good at that here). I can't imagine that any animal that is suffering with this level of mental instability can be truly happy. It can be argued by some that any dog can be 'fixed' when it comes to behavior....I disagree. Sometimes it is an illness, not a behavioral problem, and it is out of our control. Sometimes it is inbreeding, or other genetic factors that are out of your control. You did everything you could think of to try to help him, but it wasn't something you could fix. I applaud you for making such an effort, but pulling out his teeth would only help you, not him. Sure, he couldn't hurt someone if he bit them so he could 'live' like that, but how much living would he really be doing. It sounds like a miserable existance for a dog to me. Remember that you did a wonderful thing when you adopted an animal in need, and when you brought him home, you made it your responsibility to do what was best for him at all times...it is in my opinion (for what that is worth) that you did the most responsible thing you could do in this situation. I know that you and your husband were his only 'victims', but who knows what the future held with his unpredictable nature. I know I could never live with myself if one of my animals caused harm to someone (or even another animal) or maybe even killed a child, especially if I knew ahead of time that they were capable of such an act. I know it is difficult to accept right now, but you truly did the best thing, not only for you and your husband safety, but for OP's happiness as well. You have given him the gift of eternal peace and happiness....something he would have never experienced here on earth.
Your friend in grief,
Kim
One other thought to add...
I just wanted to add that I hope these are just your emotions talking and that you would never really ever consider this an option with any animal. Abandoning a domesticated animal to fend for itself is never a good alternative to any situation...thanks for letting me get that off my chest!

Kim ,
As i write , tears are trickling down my face. Thank you , thank you for all that you have said. Getting off your chest " letting him go in the woods " did not , in any way offend me. Your words were pure , from the heart , and filled with love and compassion. Your response , or should i say OP's response , was once again another unexplained sign that i have prayed for. Thursday i released OP's ashes on the sandbar , at the beach , where he loved to play. It was a beautiful day with the most gentle breeze. As i threw his frisbee , ashes on top , the frisbee seemed to soar higher than ever before . You could see his ashes being drawn towards heaven. OP was finally free. The song i played for him was FLY by Celion Dion. If you get a chance , you can pull the lyrics up on google. Today i went back to the sandbar , i guess just to talk with him. This crazy notion in my head kept telling me that OP had another sign for me . Another way of telling me that he was happy and ok. All day i could not shake that feeling. Since i wrote my email asking for help i had not gotten any responses until TODAY from you . What and all you said , i feel it was OP telling me this , just using you as the messenger. I read your poem . So beautiful. I am going to make a copy and keep it with me always. I too have a German Shepherd , i know the love they give. I am so deeply sorry for your loss and understand how a piece of your heart will forever be missing. Kim , there are no words to express how grateful i am for the love and compassion you have given to me. In my head , all you said i know to be true......now i must convince my heart . You have eased my pain and until God tells me differently , i will believe you were OP's messenger. May your Earth Journey always be traveled with God beside you. When ever the time comes that your journey takes you down a road filled with pain and sadness , i pray that i will be able to help you.
I may not know your face , yet i know your heart , therefor i know i can say........
I love you
Pace

Dear Pace,

I think that Kim stated so beautifully and elegantly what we all feel here at this forum. I also can not imagine being in the position that you found yourself in. Guilt is something that we all live with in regards to certain aspects of our pets, but I just do not see any alternative to the unfortunate choice that you had to make. For a certain percentage of animals, and people as well, existence is just too tough. For genetic or psychological reasons life is just impossible to deal with.

I am really sorry that you found yourself in this situation. I did not respond earlier because I thought that someone else with the same problem would surely give a better response than I would. It seems to be a somewhat common problem as I had a friend who had to put down a Rottweiler that she found after it bit a number of people.

Once again, sorry and good luck.

Pace,
I am so glad that you have been able to find some peace, if only a little, from what I shared with you. reading your experience of releasing his ashes was very emotional to read, and it only confirms how much you really loved him and would have never let him go had it not been the best thing for him. Well, get ready for a long road with this one. This is the single most difficult part of the entire grieving process for me (for most). It has been almost 2 years since I lost my girl ( I had to have her put to sleep), and although I know I did the best thing for her, my heart still can't accept that she is gone...the guilt is just so overwhelming. One day at a time....that is how I have learned to survive.
I also received an e-mail from someone regarding my response here. I would just like to respond to it here in case anyone else feels the same way, but just hasn't said it. I am a huge fan of Ceasar Milan. As a matter of fact, I was watching his show just last night as I fell asleep. He has a show called 'The Dog Whisperer' where he rehabilitates dogs with behavioral problems. I know he says that no dog is too much for him to handle, and I have also seen him take some very aggresive dogs and turn them around, however, there is a difference between aggression and mental illness. Dogs that are just aggressive are predictable. You can pretty much bet on how they are going to act given any situation. Some are unpredictable, but only to the point that you don't know exactly how they are going to react, but you know that the situation will more than likely spark them, so you are ready for it such as children, loud noises, etc.. Then there is the dog that is mentally ill. There doesn't have to be a situation. You can just be walking past him on your way to the bathroom and he decides to strike. He may be happy with you petting him one minute and in the same petting session something just 'clicks' and he turns on you. These are not normal aggression issues, these are mental instabilities. I have seen the actual MRI photos from an aggressive dog that behaved exactly as Pace described OP's behavior. The owners were willing to try anything to save him, but it was clear in those photos that there were significant differences in his brain make-up. Just like people, dogs can have mental illness that is out of our control...that has been medically proven. Just because not everyone can afford thousands of dollars of medical tests to prove it, that doesn't mean it isn't the same case for their dog. Someone like Pace, (who tried multiple trainers), and who so obviously loves her dog, wouldn't put her dog to sleep unless it was a last resort. We are always so quick to compare our furbabies to humans in every way, until something like this comes up and then the automatic response is "just get a trainer to 'fix' it", or "if that trainer didn't work, try another trainer" . hmmm...a good friend of mine had a wife (she has since taken her own life) who was bi-polar. She saw many doctors and was on many medications, but I bet if she would have tried another doctor, she would be still be alive and all 'fixed' today! Yeah, that is how rediculous it sounds to me when people make the same statement about our furbabies.......
Sidney's dad said it well! I hope that one day people can recognize mental illness in animals as a valid illness and be more supportive of people that are faced with this situation. There are so few medications that can be used in animals for mental illness, and those (in most cases) don't effect animals like they do in people, so they are virtually useless <sigh>.

Here is a link to another member that I remember well that had the same situation you did, and was also brave enough to make the final decision for her friend. It left her heartbroken, and she would probably be a good support for you even now if you contacted her...sometimes it helps if we have someone we can relate to...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...wtopic=1695&hl=

Your friend in grief,
Kim

I can't possibly put it any better than Kim did in her two eloquent letters. I just wanted you to know that I agree with what she said. Even if you had taken OP to the dentist, it might not have helped. You tried so many things. Some animals (and people) are just rogue (bears who attack humans unprovoked, tigers who kill and then don't eat the kill). There is something unbalanced in their brains and nothing will change them. Dogs are pack animals. For OP to show such fear-aggressive behaviour would have turned him into a loner in the wild. It would not have made him the top dog. Nature would have taken its course. You gave him more time than nature would have.

Cherokee KNEW. Cherokee sensed, and put instinct into action, by putting himself between OP and anyone else. Please trust Cherokee's animal instincts - he knew there was something very wrong. He "read" OP better than you did because he spoke the same language. You had guilt, love and compassion talking you out of what Cherokee acted on.

I am so sorry that you are feeling so much guilt. Please feel your grief without adding the extra burden of guilt to it. You have a huge amount of love and patience. You did much more than most people would have. From what you have written, even the experts couldn't change things. Don't expect that you could have.

dee dee

Hi Pace,

I am so sorry to hear about OP, but please know that you made more of an effort than most would. I am currently dealing with a dog with issues, he is not mentally ill, he wasn't been treated well for the first 3 years of life, and wasn't socialized well, and he is difficult, yet I can only read an sympathize with you. Through the good and the bad you love them to pieces, that isn't going to stop, you gave him your best and he gave you what he could, but the reading I have done on fearful dogs tells me that dogs that are that scared live a life of stress, it sounds like he did have glimpes of bliss, frizbee at the beach and such ... hang on to those moments and know that you have released him from his constant stress. He is now playing frizbee at the rainbow bridge and no longer knows fear. You will meet him again one dayand he will show you more love than you could ever imagine.

Patti

I, too, had to have a dog euthanized for aggression. He attacked my husband one evening. We also tried rearranging our lives, a behaviorist, etc. In the end, I also came to the conclusion that Cedric's life was so stressful that he was in as much pain as the most arthritic or cancer-ridden dog. He's at peace now. I still miss him desperately. We've brought a new dog into our home who is a delight. Often, I find myself wishing Cedric could have met this new guy. They would have had a grand time playing together.