Today seems to be a bad day. It was 2 weeks ago this past Sat. that I had to put Emily down and all the emotions seem to be coming back today. I feel like I'm going crazy. I was busy over the weekend with my sister's graduation from college and that seemed to help occupy my time but now I'm back home and alone.
The day I had to have Emily put down I put all of her toys,meds, collar, leash and bedding in a big container and I'm going to put it in the storage bin that we rent. This worked for me because I couldn't deal with seeing her things and not her,I can't say it would work for someone else.
I need to take my cat to the vet but can't because I don't want to go into the doom room as I call it. They only have one exam room and that is where they do everything.
Dealing with alot of guilt again. Maybe it wasn't the right time, but then again there never is a right time. Did I do enough? Maybe she wasn't as bad as the vet said.
She was going thru kidney failure and she had been hospitalized twice only the last time she couldn't come out of it. She wouldn't eat, only table scraps,her veins were collapsed, she had blood in her stool,had diarrhea, she was even dropping drops of blood on the kitchen floor , the vet said this was caused by ulcers from her not eating and that her intestines could rupture.
They couldn't even find a vein when I took her to have her put down. They gave her a sedative in her neck to relax her then when that kicked in they gave her the shot.
I was holding her in my arms, giving her Mommy kisses and promising to meet her at the bridge .I am so heartbroken. It's just like that dreadful day all over again.
She followed me everywhere.She would even be laying in the bathroom on the floor when I would get out of the shower.
I keep telling myself that she is better off. That she is playing and having the time of her life and not in any pain but the thing is when her suffering ended, mine began.
Am I being selfish? Is this normal ? I am so lost without her.
Thanks for being here .