Myself, my wife, & my 2 year old are dealing with our 4 ½ year old dog who is dying form Nasal Apergilliosis (a fungus).
I posted this on the Disease & Sickness board to give you all a brief overview.

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=2759

We have already spen $8k+ and today we took him for a CT scan and we await the doctors decision to see if 1 more surgery is an option. As each day goes on and his condition worsens, my emotions are all over the place. It is funny, as a kid I always had dogs and we had to put them to rest due to old age. As a grown adult, the whole game changes! We have been his primary caregiver since he was 7 ½ weeks old & he looks to us for all his caretaking. Lately, feeding him by hand has become emotionally difficult b/ he must be wondering what is going on (the only pain seems to be in his mouth when he tries to eat, the fungus is eating away).

My question to you all is how do you deal w/ the guilt? I am going a lil nutz due to the fact he is only 4 ½ and that is to young of an age to put him to rest.
How did you cope w/ that final day?
Did you go with or have someone take him/her?
If you went did you watch?
Do you have feelings of never wanting to get another pet, not b/ u don’t have he love to give, but the comparisons as well as never wanting to go through anything like this again?

I know, possibly 1 more surgery and I still have hope, but the hope is fading? These questions are important to me just for the fact that I have to prepare for the possible worse.

I've been following your efforts but haven't written a reply because I don't have any knowledge about this condition. I do feel that you are doing all you can do in a very tough situation.

If you do decide in favor of euthanization after getting the results of the scan, I think it would be a kind thing for you to be there to hold him and say goodbye. Also, you might consider finding a vet who would be willing to make a house call for this in order to lessen the stress in his final hours.

I wish I had more to offer in the way of help. Taking care of a furkid in pain is one of the hardest tasks for a person, especially when some of the things you have to do causes greater pain. He probably knows that what you do you are doing out of love.

Take care,
Ken Albin

I would like to say that I applaud your efforts for doing everything possible to heal your boy and I hope that everything does work out okay...never give up hope !

As far as the questions you ask, I wanted to respond, and hope that others will too so you will have different opinions to consider and decide what is best for you in such a difficult time.


I didn't...very well. It was, and still is, the very worst day of my life, but I know I had to do it for her...it was my responsibility to keep her from unnecessary sufferring, so I did what I had to do for her best interest...not mine.

I went with her, and I stayed by her side until the very end. She had always been there for me, and I felt like it was the least I could do to be there to comfort her as she made her transition...I don't regret that one bit. It was very peaceful...she just went to sleep...and I feel comforted knowing that I was the last thing she saw, felt, and heard, which let her know it was all okay..

I personally couldn't ever live without a pet, however, I already had another dog, so it was a little easier in that respect. I will have another Ger. Shep. oneday, but yes, I do worry that I may expect him/her to be a little bit like my Sasha was...which is an impossible task to ask of any dog as she was one of a kind..but everyone says that in time you learn to love the newby for its own character and personality and a new bond all of its own with its own joys, laughs , and memories will evolve...it will never interfere with that special place that Mason holds in your heart right now, and the love and joy we receive from our babies is always greater than any pain we feel when they leave.

I will pray that all goes well for Mason and that you will have many more happy years with him. God bless you for never giving up on him...your love for him is undeniable and I know that no matter what happens, no matter what you decide is best for your boy, it will be a decision made out of pure love and one that you should find peace in....he is very lucky to have you..
your friend in grief,
Kim

I wish I didn't have the fresh experience to give you advice, but it has been only four days since I had my Kandy put to sleep to end her unbearable pain. The night before she died, I was lying on the floor next to her, listening to her labored breathing and wiping her mouth and chest every time she vomited foamy saliva. I was trying to stay calm for her sake, but inside I felt like I was going to die. I mean literally. I was so afraid because I have three small children and they need me. My heart was pounding and I felt sharp pains in my chest and stomach. I absolutely KNEW that I didn't have the strength to get through this. She was my beloved dog, my shadow for the last 12 years. I begged God for the strength to get through whatever the next few days held, and to please just let me stay alive for my kids. I was so afraid I would have a heart attack from the pain.

I cannot say that at any point I just suddenly felt peace and comfort. I felt nothing but agony. But I can say that I am alive right now so my prayers were answered. She made it through the night but the next day progressed to pain and suffering that she would not survive much longer, so I called my vet and left a message. Fortunately, I had found this message board several days earlier. I had read as much as I could and educated myself on this subject that I am loathe to learn of. I knew the vet could come to my house. She came, and I stayed with Kandy. I think it is important to make sure they use the double-injection, where the first injection makes them just completely relaxed and asleep, and the second makes them stop breathing. I never took my eyes off of her. I don't know if she knew I was there because she was so sick, but if she had been aware I would have DEFINITELY made sure she knew I was with her. As hard as it was, I think it would have been harder on me to see her taken to another room and never see her again.

I feel for you so much right now and pray that you will have the strength to cope with whatever comes your way. Nothing will make it easier. But if I made it through, anybody can.


Erin

It is probably different for everyone, but for me it was crucial for me to know that I had done everything possible to save my beloved yorkie, without any consideration of inconvenience or finances. I wanted to do for her what I would do for myself. After that, when I came to know that her life was over, and she needed help out of the pain - she was in a terrible seizure - it was important for me to be with her when she left this world.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done - holding her as the doctor gave her the shot - but thinking of her alone at that final moment would have been even worse for me. I pet her and told her how much I loved her as she left. I felt that it was the last thing I could do for her. I don't know how aware she was, given the seizure, but I wanted her to know I was there to whatever extent she could know that.

A friend of mine regretted for years that she was not there when her first guide dog was euthanized. Of course, this is a very personal decision. One must decide what one can handle (An hysterical person might distress a dying pet more than comfort him/her); how one will feel later and what is best for one's pet.

I am sorry for your terrible situation and understand how you feel, having been there.

Daisy's Mommy

I have put 3 dogs to sleep in my life and they were all the worst things I have gone through. I have decided not to get another dog because I have had enough of all that and don't want to go through it again. I held them at the vets and even though my dogs all went to sleep peacefully and it was quick and merciful, I hated every second of it and didn't feel peace or relief. I felt guilty and like a murderer. To me, there has been nothing worse than waking up in the morning and knowing that my dog would die that day. And then watching the clock and counting the minutes my dog would be alive and crying so hard. And then putting the dog in the car and driving to the vet and carrying them in there and putting them on the table and wanting to grab the dog and run out. All three times, I have absolutely hated every minute of it. It was the humane thing to do though, because they were all spared suffering and pain and it was time to do it. Humans aren't that lucky.

How did you cope w/ that final day?
Post-traumatic stress and a lot of crying

Did you go with or have someone take him/her?
Yes I went and stayed with him to the very end.

If you went did you watch?
Yes, and kissed and petted him after each injection.

Do you have feelings of never wanting to get another pet, not b/ u don’t have he love to give, but the comparisons as well as never wanting to go through anything like this again?
Yes. Don't get another one until you are emotionally ready.

I have had both of my cats euthanized in the past 14 months. In March '05, I assisted my 20-year old male cat Pavlov in passing. Then, 3 months ago in February '06, I assisted my 13-14 year old female cat Ginger in passing. I will be honest with you. It was Hell in both cases. On the final day, I was able to follow-through with my decision, because I remained very focused and kept reminding myself that I was acting in the best interest of my pet. I remained strong and focused before and throughout the procedure, because I knew I had to, in order to get through what had to be done. In both cases, I took the cats to the vet myself alone. I stayed throughout the procedure and talked to and stroked my cats. Being with them during the procedure was extremely painful and took tremendous emotional strength. However, I did it, because I felt I owed it to my cats. They had been there for me and had never let me down, so I felt I owed it to them to be with them until the end.

It has been very lonely, especially during the past 3 months, since I lost my last cat. I know that no cat will ever take the place of either of my cats. At this time, I have no interest in getting another cat. When I do think of getting another pet, perhaps a hamster or a dog, I think of the pain that losing my cats caused me. And for now, that prevents me from getting another pet. I am a person who loves very deeply and takes much time to grieve and recover from loss. If/when the time is right, I may get another pet. After all, I love animals more than most people. But, until that time, I try to enjoy visiting other animals and enjoying wildlife.

I hope something that I have shared is useful to you.

Take care,

Sandy

Sandy, your post really hit home with me.



Same here. It was like I was in a zone once i knew what had to be done.
I also went alone and was concerned about driving home, but managed to stay in the zone until I was home.

I also do not feel I will adopt, at least for a while, as I am clearly not ready for that. it is lonely, but as we all know, adoption is a big responsibilty, and not something that should be done half-heartedly or with reservations.

Hi, dear MyBoyMason, I believe that the first thing you need to do is to quickly try every good helpfull healthy loving deed you can possibly do to help save your dog's life and make his health better, like: take him outdoors out in the country very much every day, feed him the best healthy simple nutritious harmless food you can get for him, including pure fresh meats that are made for human consumption, chicken and fish and turkey, venison, healthy raw eggs from healthy chickens, and whatever kind of food that your dog tells you he wants. Offer him a big variety of good canine foods, both raw and cooked, and plenty of clean pure fresh spring water, and much sunshine directly onto his body, not only thru a glass window. and the freshest cleanest air you can give him. And try some medicinal herbs that can help clean out his body and help free him from that fungus. Do not give him any dog food that has corn be the first ingredient. Also, give him much loving touch and massage and play and fun with loving persons and maybe a dog friend, too. Something has gone wrong, that a dog as young as yours became so sick and injured from that fungus. And remember, where there is life, there is hope. If he is alive now yet, then maybe he can heal and get better, if you pray to our Creator to help your dog. If worse comes to worse, and if the moment comes when the loving right choice is to help him go out from his hurt body mercifully, then yes, do that, and do it at your dog's own home, if you can find a vet who will do that. Trust your own inner intuition voice when that voice differs from what other persons say, including some vets. Stay with him all the time, day and nite, and you will later know for sure that you did right to do that. Stay with him, talking to him and touching him all the time until he is for sure truly passed on. Before then, sleep with him, keep him with you, ask other persons to help do the work, etc. I have been there, and it is very hard and painfull and sorrowfull, but it is very loving and joyfull and warm and rich and worth it, too, because love together with your dog is worth the hurts. Maybe there are some other good helps you can do for your dog, to help his body get better, good things he could inhale or eat or drink, and keep him in a non-toxic environment out in the country until he is either better or has passed on. The fungus can live and grow and multiply only when it has the kind of food it needs to live on, so if you can eliminate what the fungus lives on, then maybe your dog can get better. Can he still chew hard foods or chew on toys? Maybe you can get helpfull things into him that way. I feel much compassion for you and your dog, and I will be praying for you both. All of your questions are very loving, valid, wise, right questions. Yes, I have had the same feelings you are having, and all those feelings and thoughts are very loving and are allright parts of your loving hearted grief for your dog. Stay with him, do not leave him, and watch him. You will survive it. Cry and weep and talk during it if you feel moved to, as that will help. Touch eye to eye with your dog, and keep on talking to him and holding him and touch him with your hands and face and kiss him. I still think maybe he can get better, he is so young. Maybe you can make most or all of his food be soft mushy liquid food that he can lap up with his tongue. Can he drink water enough? Is he very thin, or is his body well nourished enough so that he could maybe survive not eating for a few days, maybe he could get better if he did not eat for now. Maybe he could drink meat broths with no salt, for now. I am willing to help any way I can. I will study this illness, if I can, and I will tell what I find out. How is he now, and how are you now? Maureen

Thank you all for your words,advise and support.

Joywarrior:
Everything you stated, I do, mostly. He eats Merrick canned food as well as burgers, turkey, chick, etc., He eats w/my assistence b/the fungus is eating@ his teeth area which caused pain, but he hasn't lost to much weight. This week we are going for the surgery. I have gone the All Natural IV route to no avail. On Monday we take him upstate (We live in NYC) where he will receive more IV treatments throughout the week w/ our last attempt @ surgery on Weds. I willkeep him thereuntil Friday evening when we p/ him up. This allows the profesionals to be w/him 2 days after surgery as well as receive more IV to helphim recoup. This is a fungus that doesn't eat at anything but bone and tissue. If the surgery is a sucess, he will be sensitive to cold air (in the sinus), sneeze moreoften, have some nasal drip, etc., This is due to the fungus eating away the mucosa. I have to give this last surgery 1 more shot. If this doesn't work, in time the fungus will eat to his brain.
I will not and can not allowthat to happen .

-On a side note, after doing much research, I believe that this was all triggered off by his vaccination shots, cortizone shots, and meds received prior to the disease exploding. To all of you out their who have pets or are thinking of getting another, do your research on vaccines as well as the food we feed our pets. I am not one to preech but the more research you do, the better off your dog will be. We live in a society where there all mighty dollar rules, even beyond another creatures well being. Be careful, should u need any info, please post or pm me and I can steer you to some good reading.