I know everyone here understands but at 4 months I still want to crawl away and never come out. I don't get it I miss Tillie so much and I just know that certain love and understanding I had with her I will never have again. Please know there are many new here and I don't want to take away from their terrible grief but 4 months???? and I just am as heartbroken as day 1 sometimes. No most times! I seem to be going into a new phase "Panic attacks" is this part of it all? I have day dreams of me and Tillie ( her ashes ) and just getting into my jeep and taking off just me and her thats not normal is it????

I am almost embaressed to even post this. But maybe someone will say i'm ok?

Tillies mom

Dear (((((((Tillie's Mom)))))))

You ARE okay.... Please don't be afraid to post and say exactly how you feel. I'm sending many hugs and prayers your way!

Four months is still very early in the grieving process.
You are on a journey on how to find your way in this world without Tillie (in her earthly body), being here.
But, I believe that she is always with you --- She is in your heart, and she wants you to know that she is happy & she is okay.

There is no timetable as to when our grief "goes away"..... or, "when it should go away"....
Everyone is different.
Just as there is no "right way" to grieve. It's very individual.

Have you tried journaling - writing your thoughts & feelings in a notebook?
During my lifetime, sometimes that has been a very helpful tool in different phases that I was going through.



Have you been seen by a physician or therapist, to talk about your panic attacks? Often times, many people have been put on medications to help with their sadness and pain ----
The "panic attacks" are VERY REAL, and can be treated medically.

I cried for a long while after my girl was put to sleep -- The pain was unbearable and heart wrenching. I never thought that my heart would heal.
But....after awhile, I started to laugh and smile, even if it was just a little bit.

I promise you that things will get brighter - they really will.

Wishing you much peace & love.

Denise

Tillie's mom
You are not ALONE!

You know in spite of professional and meds help, the urge of self-destruction is very much in me. however, because i love my baby so much, i have to continue living. oh yes, i still clutch her bed and blanket wherever i am in the house, i still wear her collar as my bracelet and her ashes is still in my purse. i feel that i still can't part with her stuff yet. i will give myself all the time to heal.

i am not sure about anyone but i feel my baby's strong presence around me. i smell her with her distinct odor. and one morning, i felt she pulled my blanket. i thought it was my husband who did that, but i was by myself, not even my other dog. i just laughed because that's how she wakes me up and tells me to get up. I said to her as if i can see her, you're such a prima donna! and i told her i love her so much and thank you for the visits.

i am sending you my prayers, my hope for your healing, and my baby's love and mine to you and tillie.

Grief doesn't look at the clock or the calender. Everyone has to work through it in their own time. I am truly sorry that you are having such a rough time there. People on the outside of grief have the misconception that we will "get over it in time". We know better. There is eventual healing of the emotional wounds but the scar remains with us always. It is a reminder of our love and bond with our Rainbow Bridge angels.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal for you. It will get better as you work through the process in your own way. The healing comes from within as we come to terms with our feelings and accept them. I wish I had some magic formula to help. Everyone has their own path to healing. I went through 5 or 6 months of deep grief and depression. Making a tribute page and talking to a trusted friend about it helped ease these feelings gradually. Volunteering for a rescue group helped give me meaning to our furkid's death. This was my path. I hope your own journey provides healing and a sense of peace to you.

Take care,
<hugs>
Ken

Tillie's Mom,

It has been almost 4 months for me and I still have complete meltdowns. I had one in the shower last night. I'm in the same boat as you. You are not crazy. You are not alone in this grief.

I just wish Kurby would come to me and let me know he is okay....
Then maybe this grief would lighten a little....

Kurbysma