I took my cat Huxley into the hospital Sat night with what I thought was constipation. They kept him in the hospital and said he was fine. But on Mon he took a turn for the worse. I spent hours with him at the hospital yesterday trying to cheer him up. His liver was failing from the toxins. I went home and thought that he might make it. They called me after 9pm and said he was dying and I begged them to try to keep him alive so I could say goodbye. I drove has fast as I could but I didn't get there in time. He was dead when I got there and I can't take it. I feel guilty because I should have gotten him there sooner. I was overseas last week for 5 days and the pet sitter (came in once a day) didn't say anything-no notes nothing. I just thought it was his normal problems with constipation. I feel like I betrayed him. I have been so down because my boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago and I feel like I let Huxley down because maybe I didn't notice how bad he was or something because I was so caught up in my own drama. He was all I have here except for Ripley. My close friends and family live in other states. I can't even conceive of things getting better. I feel like I am trapped in a nightmare and I can't get out. The thought of not seeing him ever again is just to much to bear. I loved him more than anything and he is gone.

My heart has been torn out and I don't know now I will ever get passed it. He was my best friend, he was my baby. He no longer will sleep next to my head at night, nor cuddle with me, nor bitch at me when he is hungry. The grief is overwhelming and I feel completly alone. I have another cat Ripley and she can tell something is wrong. I am afraid to leave her alone because she has always had a companion. I feel guilty with the thought of getting another cat like I am betraying Huxley but I don't want Ripley to be lonely.

How do people move on?

I am sorry you are in such pain, but I can't say whether there would have been a different outcome if you had handled things in a different manner. We all just do the best we can at the moment. If we make mistakes with our furkids, it is up to us to learn from our mistakes and do better next time. That way we give added meaning to their lives and our relationships with them. I have done things in past years with my pets that make me cringe today. I don't make those mistakes with my pets today so they have benefitted from my past errors. I will probably make some mistakes with them and the next generation of furkids will benefit from those mistakes. We are all human and we do things that in hindsight we wished we had done differently. The best we can do is to learn and not repeat our errors.

I hope you find solace here in reading the stories of our furkids. Grief is a hard road to travel, but there is a sunrise on the horizon for us.

Hi
I am in Australia so there's a time thing happening here - sorry. I think I know the pain you feel. My cat (Kitty) didn't come on Monday night when I called him in for dinner; I just thought he was too busy playing and didn't give it anymore thought. When he didn't come at 10pm, I was a bit worried but asked my husband to try and get him in when he came to bed. I woke up yesterday and he wasn't in the usual spot if he's been out all night so I called him again, but he didn't come. By this time I knew something was wrong, I phoned my husband at work and asked if he'd seen him that morning, he hadn't but said that it's not the 1st time he's gone off and it won't be the last, so I put it out of my mind and went to work. Driving down the road, I came across Kitty not 100 metres from our house, dead on the road. He'd been run over by a car trying to get home. I pulled over (nearly causing a car accident) and collapsed when I got out of the car- I cannot belive that my baby is dead!!! A really nice lady stopped to help me and about 20 minutes later a man stopped to help (i was stopping traffic and making them go around him.) the man got him for me and buried him in my backyard. It helps a bit that I can go outside and talk to him, but it doesn't take the pain away right now. everywhere I look he's there, i keep expecting him jump on my lap.
I hope that your pain has subsided - can you help me get

I am so sorry that you lost your Huxley. I also took my kitty into the vet and no one realized how quickly she would die. I felt/feel very guilty about not being with her when she passed on so I think I can understand the pain you feel. Little Kitty just passed away three weeks ago and while I am coping better, I don't think I will ever get over it. Last night I cried just talking about it.

But there were some very comforting words said to me on here that helped me move past feeling so much guilt. Mainly those people who talked about the Rainbow Bridge and peace our loved ones now feel.

My kitty's liver failed her too and I think that's what ultimately caused her death. We were not able to get her in to surgery fast enough. I felt guilt for not seeing the signs but I have accepted that there wasn't anything I could do and her fate was predetermined. I thnk I will always question how everything happened but I can't change the past and even though I want her back with me, I know she can't.

I hope you find some comfort here and that those people who helped me to cope, are able to help you too. I just wanted to tell you that I feel your pain and share a similar story of grief. I didn't get to say my goodbyes to her when she was alive so I tell them to her everyday when I visit her grave. Again, I am sorry for the loss of your Huxley.

I am so sorry for your loss!!

Huxley knew (and knows) how much you love him.

As another poster said, we are human and there will always be lots of things we didn't do "right" or things we did that we "shouldn't" have, etc. I feel the same, when I look back at pets I had when I was younger. There were always things I saw I did wrong---didn't get to the vets soon enough, didn't see the signs, etc.---just as you said. It's so hard!

But I believe now that the love we have for them transcends all this. Now I think that maybe it was just their time, and it was part of the plan for me to act/not act as I did.

Huxley is fine right now. He's in a realm where there's no pain or distress of any kind. He doesn't know the pain of separation from you, because to him it will seem like a split second and you'll be joining him.

In the meantime, if you would like to adopt another needy kitty, it could be in Huxley's honor . And I know you are concerned about Ripley. You are a wonderful Mom. Remember: You are human. If you had done all things perfectly, you wouldn't be. Please be gentle with yourself. The grief process always seems to involve guilt . It is hard. I'm glad you came here. Please keep in touch, and let us know how you are.

Sending prayers of comfort,
Love,
Kathy

Hi, Huxley's Mom, I have been there, I have had what you are having many times, and I have been having it again now, since my cat died four weeks ago. I cannot write much now, I hope I can soon, but I am here for you. The biggest agony is when we unknowingly did hurts in good will, during the last hours and days of our dearly loved creature's live, and then they die, they pass on out from their body, and then we cannot undo the hurts and we cannot make them alive again in their body so that we can have one more chance to give them love and fill their needs and stop their hurts. I feel wretched with that, and maybe you feel wretched, too. It helps to keep in touch with good friends, especially here at this very helpfull site. I will get in touch with you as often as I can. I agree with Ken, and his words are very loving and wise and helpfull, and he is really telling the truth. I have gotten that same truth when I have had animals die. We love you. Hold on, and come here as much as you feel the need to. Your cat knew that you do love him, he knows that now, that you love him now, and he did have you be in touch together with him for a long time at the vet, and you gave him true love there. He died a fairly short time after you left, and maybe hopefully he went unconscious a short time after you left, and he did know and feel you loving him and being with him in spirit-heart when you were bodily away, you and him were still together in loving spirit. He felt you loving him, and he knew that you were willing to give him all good loving care and no hurts. And yes I do feel the same as you, that it would have been better to stay with him and not leave him, and you would have done that, if you could have known that he would die so soon. You did not know. No one knows all the truth yet. Even the vet was wrong about some things. And you are not a vet, so you knew even less about that kind of illness. Tell us what you need. I am willing to help. I have been having the same as you about my cat. It is the hardest most unbearable part of the grief. It does get better soon. We simply need to do what Ken said, I learned that wisdom, too, and that is the best way to give love to our creatures who passed on. Your loving friend, Maureen

hi, me again.... I wanted to say also, and i forgot to say, that I also had what you said you said you had, that you recently were having a big hurt in your life, and that hindered your ability to give fully good care to fill all the needs of your cat. I had that, too. I was having big hurts in my life during the last months of my cat's life, which caused similar hurts. The important truth is that you were innocent and you are innocent now, your will was only to love and help your cat, your will was never to not love your cat or neglect your cat or to knowingly do harm to your cat. So your cat Huxley did KNOW the truth of your good loving will toward him, for love for him. And he knew that you were very much hurt during that time, too. The hurt you said you had is one of the biggest hurts we can have. Not small, BIG. It is allright to feel anger toward persons who knowingly did hurts. Do not do your anger toward yourself, for then you maybe could sink into a self-blaming depression. Direct your anger outward in a good harmless way, and keep on telling yourself the good truth about your good loving will, your choices to love and help your cat. Any needs you did not fill or any mistakes you did, you did that in good will. You were willing to love your cat and not hurt your cat, but you were not perfectly fully able all the times. You were willing, but not able. That makes a very big difference. Do what you need to do to get the truth, and then keep on telling yourself the truth, and hold on to the truth for dear life. This will help you to not fall to any lies about yourself and your cat. And I myself thank you for your very good loving truthfull sincere letter post. You helped me very much. I feel better now. I know that you are a very good loving humble person, and your cat was blessed to have you, and Huxley does still have you now yet, and he will forever. Your friend, Maureen