I had my old boy pts last month. He was the grand old age of 21. He had been diagnosed with crf a few years previous. I decided to let him go as he began to look so very old and tired and had had a bad couple of weeks where he wasnt really eating much, had to be admitted to the vets for a few days due to dehydration, was given steriiod injections and appetite stimulants, but nothing was helping him to pick up again.
I told myself that he had had a happy and long life and sought reasurances that i had made the right decisions by him. I have cried every day since I let him go. Over the last week though, I feel uncontrollably angry and distressed.
Did I do enough for him, was he really ready to go, should I have let him go sooner, did i let him suffer too long. All these questions and more.
I still have 2 cats and I love them dearly but Winston and i had a very special bond and had been with me all those years.
The last 2 years have been very emotional, never knmowing if his next vet visit was his last, reading up on all aspects of crf, always constantly trying to do what was best for the old boy. Changed vets several times to try to get a vet to listen. Feel very lost and alone with out my best friend. Finding my anger and outbursts of emotion very hard to control and dont know what to do about it.
Thanx for listening to my self obsessed rantings.

I am so sorry.

The grief overtakes us and consumes us and it's so difficult.

21 is an incredibly long life, and I'm sure you did everything you could to make his life wonderful.

I too struggled with the "timing" issues: too soon or not soon enough?
It's a cycle where you beat yourself up either way.

I believe that things happen for a reason, and there were perfectly valid reasons for why I made the decision when I did. It's still a terrible decision to have to make, but as one friend said to me, i freed his spirit from his dying body.

The night before I brought him in to put him down, I felt that I didnt want him to go another day in the shape he was in. I did not want the little fella to live without dignity. Prolonging that would have been for my own selfish reasons of not wanting to let him go. Its so difficult.

I now believe that when you are torn between it being too soon or not soon enough, the truth is in the middle: it was the right time.

Good luck and God Bless.

Wow, 21 IS an unusual age for a cat to reach---especially with cfs!!

I feel sure that you made the decision at exactly the right time.

I know it is hard.

You'll be reunited with your precious boy, when it's time for you, too, to pass from your body. In the meantime, he's fine---no distress or pain.

Let us know how you're doing. Sending you prayers of comfort,

Kathy

Thanx guys. I just cannt help thinking at the moment, what if he did still have a lust for life left and I let him go too soon.
I know in my heart I did all I could for him but I just keep beating myself up about taking his life. I also know that there is no cure for crf and I am happy in respect that I never had to watch him go through renal failure. Having cared for him and his illness for a few years, I knew when he wasnt well and when he was. I knew him better than I have ever known anyone. Thats why it hurts so much. I know it will get easier with time but I had him more than half my life. If only love could have saved him. I still find it hard to talk or type anything about him without being reduced to tears and I look forward to the day we are reunited again.

Please don't beat yourself up over your decision. You decided based upon years of knowledge of Winston's behaviors, an understanding of his medical history, unsuccessful efforts by the vet to help his condition, and above all, with love and affection in your heart. With all of that, you made the right decision. We all wish we could do more at times like that, but sometimes saying goodbye is the kindest gift we can offer our friend.
With time the grief will lessen and it will be easier to see that you did well by Winston. May you find that peace.