Today is the second day I've lived without my Misty-baby. She was put down on April 28 and I ask myself, how could I? In the past 2 months, she lost so much weight - down to 7.3 lbs from that healthy chubby picture you see. She was losing her fur on her belly and legs. She couldn't jump onto the bed or couch anymore. She would only eat 1/2 tsp of food a day. She wouldn't make it to the litter box. Did I do the right thing? The Vet thinks she had cancer as she felt a lump in her abdomen. I couldn't afford all the tests. Will she hate me for this? I miss her so much. I miss her loud vibrating purr that you could hear from across the room. She would follow me around the house like a little puppy dog from the first day we found her abandoned outside almost 8 years ago. I guess I just wanted to send this out to the cyber world. Will it get easier? How can I go through this again with another animal? This is the first time I've had to do this myself. As a child, I've lost animals before - hit by car, accidently drank some anti-freeze from the pavement - by my mother took care of everything. Is this what it means to be an adult? If I'm just quiet for a moment and remember how she looked on that metal table, I start to cry. I think sometimes that if I start to scream and cry, I won't be able to stop. Will it end?

TiaCat,
You will learn how to live without your precious girl, but it will take some time. You will still have to work out all those guilt issues that everyone here struggles with after they chose euthanasia as the best option for their furbabies. There will be the feelings of 'what if', I should've', 'I could've'...truth be told, if your vet could feel a mass in your Misty's belly, then you can be sure that you did the right thing for her. There are so many people who can't afford the outrageous costs of all the tests and treatments required in such a situation and then have to live with that feeling of failing their babies because of money alone...that mass was surely cancer and no test or treatment would be able to cure it, so the outcome in her best interest would remain the same...I hope you can at least put that part of the grieving process behind you. You took Misty in as a homeless baby and provided her with 8 years of love and devotion that she would have otherwise never known, that is the part that you need to focus on. You did a wonderful thing by caring for her all that time, and an equally wonderful thing for loving her enough to end her suffering.



Some people feel that they will never have another furbaby after they suffer such a loss, then others (like me) couldn't imagine a day going by without having a furbaby, it is a personal decision. {Although I would like to say that this world is filled with animals that are dying everyday because there aren't enough homes for them all, so if you do decide to get another, please rescue ) In time you will find that the love and joy you received from Misty was well worth the pain of saying good-bye (for now).
Let yourself scream, let yourself cry, even if it feels like it will never stop...it will, and you will feel so much better. Tears are cleansing and they will actually make you feel better..I know mine do. It is going on 2 years since I lost my Sasha, my soulmate, and I still cry from time to time....I always feel a little better afterward....
Thank you for giving Misty such a wonderful life ...so many homeless kitties will never know how that feels........
your friend in grief,
Kim

I am so sorry that you are in the first stages of this horrible grief. It will get better, at least it will be different. You won't feel so out of your mind, you will still feel horribly sad everyday, but you will be able to function and love again. I struggle horribly with the decision I made to euthanize my 13 year old Lab Mix. He was my everything, but the light left his eyes and he wasn't the dog he would have wanted to be. You have to remember that you didn't just make up reasons to euthanize.....the reasons were real and you knew your cat better than anyone, which means you knew she didn't feel like herself. Would she really have wanted to go on feeling bad, or would she want to be free and up there running around healthy. She now gets to watch you and she has no pain......it's us who have the pain. We just have to learn to deal with it, but she is fine and I am quite sure she is thanking you for your decision. My prayers are with you and I will tell my Parker boy to tell your kitty hello and welcome her with open arms.

Parker's Mom,
Kerry

She doesn't hate you. She never hated you in life, so that won't change. You made that tough decision that many pet owners have to make. She was probably a lot sicker than you know. Animals are great as masking hurt or illness - to show either in the wilds means certain death. When Misty quit eating, she was probably in the end days of her life. You helped her along in that process and gave her dignity at the end. Being a good pet owner means that not only do you promise them a good life, you promise them a good death. You kept both promises, and that gave her a bit of dignity at the end.

The loss is overwhelming now. Please realize that she loved you, as you loved her. She could never, never, never hate you. I am sorry for your loss.

I would like to thank you all for your words of support. I guess it really takes another pet lover to understand what one is going through. I had spoken to a co-worker to take my shift on the weekend as I knew I wasn't going to be able to face patients (I work at a hospital registering patients in Emergency), and as she put it, "You'll be fine, it's just a cat". I really had to control myself to not claw her eyes out, but then realized, she doesn't own a pet - and probably never has. But again, thank you. I've cried and I know what I did was right as she was losing muscle mass towards the end - but I still miss her and thought I heard her calling yesterday while doing dishes (like she used to). I am greatful that I found this site.

Thank you again.

Cat

I am sorry for your loss and feel for you. I think that Heaven (for both people and animals) is such a wonderful place that everyone would want to be there. If you have ever been really sick, you know how awful it feels and how awful pain is. You released your pet from that terrible pain and released her into a paradise of endless happiness and no pain. How can that decision be wrong??? She is so happy now. Soon, we will also all be in paradise with our pets, never to be separated again. Time is different in Heaven, so that I think they don't feel the separation since it's all like a blink of the eye (for them) until we join them. I am sure she will thank you for ending her pain and putting her in a such a wonderful place. God bless you.

I would like to thank you all for your advice. On Thursday, I had to go and pick up Misty's ashes. When I looked at the little urn, I just lost it and sobbed like there was no tomorrow. It helped that I was home alone and didn't have to worry about scaring my husband. I did feel better after. I still miss her terribly and have days when I come home expecting her sitting at the door waiting for us, but of course reality come crashing down around me. I don't know if I'll have another animal ~ as everyone I know is asking me when it will happen . But perhpas one day I will have the strength to love another animal again.

Thank you again.

Cat
Misty's mom

I don't have anything to add new to what the others have written except to emphasize that you did the best you could do. I think of the Stephen King novel "Pet Sematary" in which a character said "A man's heart is stonier..." in reference to the ordeal of burying a pet in the pet cemetary. I think that Stephen had experience with having to say goodbye to a beloved pet in order to write that. He knew that this is one of the toughest things we will have to do, but we are obligated by our love to do what it takes to relieve suffering in our furkid's life. If the end is near and suffering is the only alternative, we have to have a stony heart in that moment and do what is necessary to show our love. It is difficult for us to deal with the emotions afterwards but our furkid is at peace. Time will help you bear this burden and the good memories will remain as a marker of your affection.

Many who have not made that bond with a pet will not understand your grief. Don't think too badly of them when they make hurtful statements out of their ignorance. They simply do not know what it feels like to break that bond. We will be here to listen to you
as you travel this path. Also, please share stories about Misty with us on this forum when you are able.

I know it is hard at first, but trust me, it does get better. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my precious Daisy and miss her more than anything. My life is definitely different without her, but I know that she is having so much fun where she is now and that she doesn't have to worry about anything bad happening.
Just remember the good times you had together and also that you gave your baby a life that would not have been possible otherwise. I understand that you may feel guilty, but I am sure that you are like all of us here and you loved your furbaby unconditionally. If she was in such bad shape she probably was very grateful for what you did. Keep in mind that she is now watching over you and is very healthy and having fun. My prayers are with you.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I've often been thinking about the difficulty of this situation. Is it harder to lose a young one, such as yours, or a trusted old friend? I'm still not sure. Both are probably equally painful. This has been one of the toughest things that I have ever had to deal with.

My Sid left me a little over two months ago, and as traumatic as it has been I know that I will always have cats. Many of them. They have brought much more pleasure than pain. As much as I miss Sidney, the love that he brought to my life was incredible and for years we were inseperable.

This weekend I agreed to take in a young cat who was hit by a car. One of his back legs was badly broken and he will always have a permanent limp. His name is Eli and he's incredibly sweet. The shelter was very worried about him finding a good home because most people really want a perfect, flawless cat. I think that rescuing him is such a fitting tribute to my Sidney. I will never replace Sid though, and nor do I want to. Sidney will always be the feline king of my heart. I have never really looked at this as a situation of betrayal, but I knew that time had to pass.

I hope that sometime you can find it in your heart to help another. There are so many in need. The people at this website obviously care deeply for their pets. We need more people like this in the world.

Take care and good luck. I hope that the pain eases a bit. It seems to given enough time.