I always like to share anything that I think may help someones road on this journey of grief a little easier, so I thought I would share something with everyone that may help lesson at least one type of guilt you may be struggling with...I know I did.
I ran into an old friend today and of course we both wanted to know how each others furbabies were doing. After telling her about Sasha, she told me she had also lost her best friend of 17 years just a few months ago....we cried together in the middle of WalMart! During our conversation, she shared with me some things that gave me great relief, so I wanted to give others here who may be feeling the same way that same relief. She was telling me about some things that had happened before her baby died that she felt guilty about. Like when she yelled at her for coming in with muddy feet, or for waking her up barking at the neighbors outside, ya know..things that we all do but things that she feels so very guilty about because they happened just before her death....things I was relieved to hear come from the mouth of someone I knew to love their babies as much as I do mine. She felt so much better to hear me say that I had my own similiar experiences with the same feelings and was glad I admitted them to her. Now she knew that even people that loved their furbabies as much as we do still have our moments where we may get angry or say things that we don't mean and it doesn't mean we don't love them any less...it just means we are human!
I carry so much guilt for a few things that happened with Sasha in the months before she died. I guess the one I feel the worse about is when I shut the bathroom door in her face...as she got older, she began a rather annoying habit of licking her lips constantly and it would drive me crazy!(I would die to hear that sound right now), and one day I was very irratable (8 months pregnant ) and, as usual, she followed me when I got up to go to the bathroom. She always stood there in the doorway while I went and then followed me back to sit down. This particular time she was standing there just 'smacking away' with her lips and I couldn't take it anymore...I shut the door. After about 30 seconds passed I felt kinda bad about it so I opened it back up, but she had walked away...I know it hurt her feelings and my heart breaks because of that..how could I be so mean to her when she was such a loyal dog to still follow me everywhere even as it became more difficult for her to walk ....I feel terrible about it. Then there was the time she was giving me a hard time about cutting her toenails (which she never did) and I snapped at her..I never snapped at her...I'll never forget that look on her face, once again I hurt her feelings. The other time was while bathing her. I was giving her a bath and my back was killing me (remember I was very pregnant!) and I took it out on her when she wasn't even doing anything wrong...she was always so good for a bath. I was so impatient with her and I'm sure she didn't understand why I was so grumpy. I rarely had to scold her in all her 16 years..I could count the number of times on one hand...and then I act ugly to her 3 different times in those last few months of her life...it truly eats me up inside knowing I hurt her feelings and she didn't deserve it...I hope she knows now that it wasn't her, it was me, and I'm so sorry for it, I wouldn't intentionaly hurt her feelings for anything in the world. Funny thing is she always forgave me the moment it happened....
Your friend in grief,
Kim

Good God Kim, your posts always tear me to pieces!!! Sasha knows. She knows you didn't mean those things and she knows how much you loved her. You can't tell a dog 10 million times how much you love them, then get irritated a couple of times, and have them not still know you love them completely. Did that make sense? I have so much guilt......so much......but I remember that Parker got irritated with me too sometimes, but I know he loved me more than anyone. It is the same with Sasha......she knows. I hope you don't beat yourself up too much over those times.....remember the good ones, that is what she would want.

Parker's Mom.
Kerry

Jude didnt get around to well and i didnt like leaving her on her own but she was asleep and Sadie needed to be walked so i popped out.

Sadie wanted to walk up the road out of the close and i told her off and pulled her back, i hadnt taken her lead with me, so she only got a walk outside the house and not up the street.

That night she died.

We all have these moments that come back to torment us - we sure like to punish ourselves dont we.

Hi, I can hardly type or talk now, but I want to say to you all that your talks here have helped me very much, for the biggest hurt I am having, for love for my cat, is the hurts that I did to her in her last hours and days and weeks. God Bless You. You did all good and all loving to tell us the truth about the hurts that you feel that you did to your animal creature loved one. I do know that you did and do love your furbabies, I have proof that you chose to love them and you chose to not hurt them. Sometimes, when we were very much hurt by other persons, we did do some hurts to our furbabies. Does anyone agree with me about that? I had no way to use the internet for three days, so that was the only cause of my not talking here then. I love you, and I thank you. Kim , I really thank you for your good choice to do this topic about your guilt. It is only because we choose to love our furbabies, that the biggest hurt that we have is the hurts we did to them. Hopefully I can talk more soon here. The past few days have been very hard for me, deep grief and exhaustion and despair and homesickness and like being lost in the dark. I thank you for your humility and honesty and courage and intimacy and your love for your furbaby. Your true friend for life, Maureen

****PLEASE FIND THIS POST UNDER 'NEW TOPIC' AREA****
I Lost My Cat, Peewee!
Miss my kittie angel very much!


I was just reading some of the posts. I lost my cat Peewee. He was a black and gray big Maine coon cat. I had him for 6 years. I have three other cats. I got him when he was just a year old. He and my cat Cuddles were both male and the same age. They became brothers and best friends. They did everything together. I got the pleasure of watching them grow up together. Peewee was very protective of all of us and his house and backyard. I built them a cat house that Peewee took over. He would sit on the top level and just overlook his domain. I would look out the back and see him at his post. I don't feel as safe as I did with him not here. He had problems with his urinary tract being blocked
and the vet told me the best thing to do was to operate to correct the problem. It didn't work. But he came home for three days and was very happy to be back and was himself again. but on the fourth day he went down quickly. I rushed him back over to the vet. But in the end I decided to put him down. They couldn't do anything else for him. I miss my kittie angel very much.

Boy this post came up at the right time for me the guilt latley has been overwhelmiing and I have been trying to work through it. We now have a new little one Henry and I find myself not wanting to yell or scold him at all and almost have to force myself to do it because as a 4 month old he does need to learn the no potty in the house or the no bite thing but I know I am very scared to scold him because in the past I have scolded my dogs for bad behavior. Now as for Tillie had her almost 12 yrs and we never ever hit any of the dogs but on occassion tillie would go potty in our bedroom so I took out the carpet put down a flooring but when she would I would tell her bad go to the corner and sit and she would. Well at the time we thought it was kinda cute but now I look back and wish I had never done that she would sit facing the corner looking back at me waiting for me to say ok come here (only took minutes). I can still see that look of oh mom please don't be mad at me.

And of course the biggest guilt is I did not know she was so sick but deep down I did but chose to ignor it in a way. Yes I took her to the vet yes I, not them insisted she be hospitalized but all that day when I called they were to busy to talk to me and deep down I kept thinking something is wrong but then kept telling myself no ... no news is good news don't over react. I should have marched to that hospital insisted they do something I should have parked myself at her cage and refused to leave till they did. She died in the hospital without me with the faces of strangers that is the worst guilt I carry now. And now there is nothing I can do to take back any of it.

Tillies mom

Dear Tillie's Mom and all you other good loving folks, I am having exactly the same as you are having, and it is truly my biggest hurt, because I do choose to love my dear cat, and I do have a big love for her in my heart. I am having trouble talking and writing in this forum, during the past two days, help.... I thank you very much, this all really helps us, as maybe our biggest need now is to talk about THIS with persons who we trust will love us and honor us as equals and trust our good will to love our creatures. More soon, I hope. I have been having many other big hurts and troubles in my life during this same time as my grief for my cat, so that is hindering my ability to talk with you. I have been reading much, and it is food for my soul and very good love and comforting truth. I have too much other work that I need to do, I am frustrated, I want to talk much more every day with all of you. Bear with me... my grief hurts so bad I feel I could die any moment, and yet I go on living, thank God. Your Friend, Maureen