It has been one month now since Daisy passed away. Every night, waves of grief come over me and I cannot stand that she is gone. She died in my arms, and still I can hardly believe it. I don't know how I will ever accept or deal with this. I just want her back.

Will I ever have peace again?


Daisy's Mommy

I can completely relate to the "waves of grief!" I think I am doing better, then FLOOD. I don't know if you do actually ever recover. Everyone keeps telling me that it will get easier, but I know at 3 1/2 weeks it hasn't and I guess the one month mark isn't going to bring much relief either.

I think for a love as deep as what we felt, you do not actually ever get over it. You only learn to cope and live with your loss. NOT an easy task!! Like you, I also long to hold my Crystal. I touched a Lapso yesterday and completely melted. I mean, full blown hysterics again. I hid to hide in a restroom for about 20 minutes. It was like it burned my soul.

I miss my soulmate as deeply as you. Just keep coming back to LS and maybe we can all support each other.

Crystal's Mom

Yes, you will have peace again. Everyone handles grief in their own way, in their own time, and we all have good days and bad ( my Sasha has been gone for over 21 months now and just the other day I found myself curled on the floor with her ashes crying hysterically), and some of us (like myself) will carry the pain of our babies death for an eternity, but their is a difference between peace and healing to me. For me it was difficult to find peace in the beginning because all I could think were the things I wish I had or hadn't done. I would beat myself to death with 'what ifs' and 'could've/should've'...I had just given birth to my daughter 10 days earlier, so I made myself sick with the thought of her thinking that I was 'getting rid of her' or 'replacing' her (which I would NEVER do...she was my first child and always will be!) or what if she wasn't really ready to go yet and I just killed her...does she forgive me? does she know I did it because I love her and I didn't want her to suffer? does she know that I would have gladly cut years from my own life and given them to her if I could? Yes, I now believe she does. I think it was actually around her one year anniversary that I came to terms with the fact that I did what I did because I love her so much, and I have to trust that. She would have walked through fire if I would have asked her to because she always trusted me no matter what the situation. I have to believe now that even if she wasn't necessarily ready to go at the very time I chose for her, she knows that I wouldn't have done it unless it was best for her and accepts that choice with the same trust in me that she did in life. I found my peace once I came to this realization, and was then able to think of the 16 wonderful years of precious memories I had with her. I gave her the best life a furbaby could ever ask for and for that I was proud. I rescued her from the animal shelter when she was only 5 weeks old...I knew she was special from the moment I saw her...and we were inseperable from that moment on. I feel so blessed to have had her in my life~that is my peace.
As for healing....I don't think I will heal until the day I am reunited with her, so I am destined to carry this hole in my heart until the day that I die, but that is a small price to pay for an eternity with my girl~never to be seperated again.........

I can fully underrstand about the waves of grief. I feel a panic, scared feeling when it hits me. You go on ..you function but the hurt and
loss is always there. Tonight, I had flash backs of holding my Sophie
as she breathed her last breath and wonder could she hear me talking to
her .. did she know that I rescued her from those horrible dogs but not
in time. I know that the owners that let visious dogs run loose and be on
other peoples property are the one really at fault. But we have a lot
of anger toward these dogs that got into our backyard. I am planning to
pass out flyers warning the owner to keep this dogs in their own yards.
Because we don't know who they belong to but I never let my dogs roam
and bother other people. This is not the first time I have seen one of them around at night and ran it off. I am going to purchase a device
and put in the front yard that will deter dogs by a sensor that emit a
noise and sprays strong water. Because I am fed up with them. They
took away my heart.
I can truly understand your grief and pray that we all can find peace.
Blessings.
Sophie's mom..Jan

Kim R

I just want to thank you for all your posts you have brought me alot of comfort over these last three months I always look for your post and devour them.

Tillies mom

Tillies mom,
Thank you so much, that is so sweet of you! It is nice to know that my 'rambling' actually helps someone else who is going through the same misery that I am!
your friend in grief,
Kim