DH & I put our beloved Schipperke, Morgan LeFey, to sleep yesterday. She was only 7 1/2 yrs old but diagnosed with kidney failure this time last year. I know I should be thankful for the extra year we had but I just miss her too much to think that clearly. I wanted to call the vet and say "Stop! Wait" but I knew she would be back there before the end of the week. Neither my husband nor I could bear to be there with her when she passed. I know that the staff at my vet hospital loves her very much and that she was not alone, but now I wonder if I did the wrong thing. I wonder if she knew what was going on and was wondering where we were. Did we let her down when she needed us most?
DH is also having a hard time with this but I think it may be worse for me. I have a 10 month old son and have been at home since his birth with all 3 of our dogs (we also have a pair of litter mates, Bonnie & Clyde). Morgan was our loud mouth and now the house is so quiet. She was the only one who slept in our bed so it's feeling pretty empty. Bonnie seems to be just fine but she has always been more independent and she & Morgan used to butt heads all of the time. Clyde, however, is obviously missing her. He is very clingy and keeps an eye to the door.
When I woke up this morning I thought maybe today would be an easier day but for some reason it's harder. It's rainy so we're all cooped up in the house and I'm just a mess.

Thanks for reading
Pam
Baby girl, I miss you so much.

Pam, We lost our 8 year old Shih Tzu named Pepper Anne to heart disease 3 weeks ago today. You have come to right place to get help. This site has really helped my wife and I. Although we still miss our baby very much. i know we will see her again some day. You didn't do anything wrong. If your baby was that sick, and wasn't going to get any better. Although it is probably the toughest thing in life to do. It was out of love that you choose euthanasia. I think its very wrong to keep very sick babies hanging on in misery, because we don't want to let go. I heard someone at this site say, that at this point we have to take on our babies pain. To let them go is to set them free of their pain. I believe our babies go to heaven. And are restored back to youthful, healthy, little angels. And that we will see them again when we leave this life. But to keep our babies hanging on when thay are so sick is selfish, and to the point of abuse. Pam, I don't believe you did the wrong thing. Its a rough and painful road to recovery. But there are plenty of people here that know exactly what you are going through. We are or have gone through the pain of losing a loved one. So keep coming back. You and the rest of your family are in our prayers

Pepper Annes Mom & Dad

Hi, Pam, I am Maureen -- joywarrior. My dear Marmalade cat person died on Monday morning, April 24, of elder age. I am having a very hard time now, and I was doing better earlier today, but now I am dying in painful agony grief. I read your post and I feel very much compassion for you. I am here for you. I will talk more in this forum later today, as soon as I can. I can hardly type now, I can hardly move my body to do any work now, so here I am on this good site with my animal-lover friends, like you. We can help each other. What kind of help do you need now? Your Friend, Maureen

Thank you both for your support. I had a very rough night last night and it was nice to read your posts when I got up. I didn't know that I could feel worse than the day we let her go but I sure did. I've got to get over this second guessing thing...ugh!
I guess I've never bonded this much with a pet before because I don't remember feeling this way when I lost my cats.

What helped everyone else during those first few days/weeks? Putting away everthing that reminded you of your pets? Keeping it close? Creating a memorial of sorts (shadowbox, scrapbook, etc)? Nothing?

Pam

Pam,

I'm very sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place as the people here all know what you are going thru and we can help each other in our time of pain.
I lost my Kurby 3 mos ago. He was only 4 1/2 yrs old. He was hit by a car about 5 mins before I got home from work. The car never stopped. I was the one who found him lying by the mailbox when I pulled in the driveway. My husband had let him out to pee and wasn't watching him. Kurby was my "baby" as I had him 2 years before I met my husband. I can tell you I have never grieved like this over anyone's death. I was a zombie for at least a week and I still have meltdowns.
The thing that helped me during the first few weeks was I made a memorial wall full of 8x10 pics of Kurby and his ashes are in a little shadowbox under his pics. I made a water garden under his fav tree and planted flowers around the pond. There are a few little angel/fairy statues out there as well. Looking at his pics daily on the wall help ease my pain as I feel he is here with me. I also made a little scrapbook with all his pics in them.

Come to this site daily and let us know how you are doing. Let your pain and grief out. We will listen.

Kurbysma

Hello,
I too lost my "little daughter",my schipperke, Leibchen, to kidney failure on November 15th,2006. That was the end of my world as I knew it. She was the light of my life and losing her so quickly and unexpectedly at only 12yrs and 8mo. old was almost too much to take. She was taken to 2 different vets and hospitalized twice, to no avail. She passed in my arms at my home at 3:10PM, just 2weeks after becoming ill after a "routine" teeth cleaning. The vet, of course, denied any wrongdoing. But either way she couldn't be helped in spite of my efforts and her valiant fight to live. She was a Mother's Day gift to me in 1994 at 8wks old. I also visit Petloss.com and have tributes posted there. I found this site by accident today and decided to write to you because you lost a schip too. May I express my condolences to you and your family,it does get easier, but it never goes away, but you already know that.
I do have a little good news though. On what should have been Lei-Lei's 13th birthday, March 12,2007, a litter of schipperkes was born,2 girls, in Louisiana. The breeder shows her dogs world wide and is well known,called Heart-Throbs schipperkes. I live in Pensacola,FL so that's only a 6hr drive. We went to see them in spite of never wanting another dog, let alone another schip ,again. That was June of last year and the pups were 12weeks old. We of course have a new addition that just had her first birthday (on Lei-Lei's 14th birthday). She had all the expected frills of any well deserved first b-day. But as usual there is an empty place and an ache that still, and never will ,be filled again. Three days before Leibchen let go I took her for a car ride and Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On played on the radio. I'm not a fan of hers, but I had to pull over because I couldn't see to drive. I knew it was Lei-Lei's song and a message to me that only someone that loves a furbaby could understand. I named my new pup Heart-Throb's My Heart Will Go On,and I call her Echo. She is a real character and charmer, but I don't, or can't ,seem to really get that attached to her. I know I care about her and maybe even love her a little, but it's not the same. Maybe it was too soon, maybe I just don't have anything left to give, I don't know. Maybe time will tell.
Well, I hope I haven't bored you or imposed. You may keep in touch if you'd like,but I understand this is difficult, so I understand if you would rather not.Take care. Maybe Leibchen and your babygirl are new playmates ( along with Bonnie,my mother's schip and Lei-lei's sister who passed last Sept.)
Best to you all.
Deette Nelson

She'll keep trying and trying, and she will wear you down.
"Hey, I know you are sad, but look at me! look at this trick! Look at this expression! I am new! I can't help what was before! Give me a chance, huh?"
It will be a different love, because we can never replace someone special, but it will happen if you let it. I will be in the middle of the same thing shortly. It may take a while....

I'm so sorry! I too lost my beloved Tuff to chronic renal failure this year, back in February.
I work at a veterinary hospital, and I'd say half the people stay for euthanasia, and half the people don't.
I think it depends on how YOU would be for the euthanasia.
I stayed with Tuff, but it was very hard for me because I didn't want his last moments on earth to see his momma losing it.
I remember my throat hurt so bad!!! I kept swallowing in the cries, if that makes sense!
I tried so SO hard not to lose it.
The vet said I was very composed, but let me tell you, inside my head I was SCREAMING NO NO NO. Not that I didn't want to let Tuff go, but man, I didn't want to leave without him.
Remember, you have to leave that little body when it is over (unless you bury at home) but since it was important for me to have him cremated, I needed to leave him.
I had a pet die at an emergency hospital, and to this DAY I wish I had gone and held her little body. NOT because I wanted to see my pet dead, but to give me some closure, a chance to say goodbye. I never got to say goodbye to my Boo, at least her body, and it haunts me to this day. I think closure would have been easier had I seen her dead, touched her, and let her go.

Maybe try to arrange a memorial for your pet. EVEN if it is only FOR YOU. Light a candle, arrange some flowers, get some pictures out, and set up a memorial. Then, cry and get it out.
I think holding it in and not facing it is the worst, and lets things linger.

After Tuff was put to sleep, about a week later I was cleaning out his dog bed, and went to put the stuff in the washer. I didn't want to wash it. I thought to myself, is this the stupidest thing ever to not wash dirty dog linens??? But I broke down in huge sobs, with my face in his bedding, trying to smell him, and to remember. I don't look back now and see that as stupid or crazy. I wasn't done crying, and I had more to get out!

Also, remember to take time for you. Even if you don't feel like it, put your baby in a stroller (after the rain...of course ) or when baby is napping take a bubblebath. Sometimes you just need some down time, some alone time, to let all your thoughts settle, and to let out a few more cries if you want. you know, I find it hard to cry in the sunlight???
But it is amazing how jumbled your thoughts are when you are grieving, and I think it is important to take some down time until you can get your mind back in order. And don't let the jumbled thoughts scare you, I am pretty sure they are normal.

Pam,
I'm very sorry for your loss. and i know how hard it is for you, as i to lost my little furbaby Sasha of 14yrs last week. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do. i chose to stay with her when it was time as i wanted to be there with her like she was always there for me. and i chose to bring her home with me for a home burial. and let me tell ya i was a wreck all the way home, the team at the vets office was so nice and very compassionate but it was still so very hard saying goodbye to my best friend and knowing i would never see her or hold her again.. i had a hard time letting go of her after she had past. i still cry everyday, but everyone here is very supportive and it has really helped me being able to talk with others who know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. if you need anything or just want to vent you can message me anytime.
take care, my heart goes out to you at this time.
linda
aka... sasha's mommy