She wasn't little though. She was 16 pounds and I had her for 12 years since she was a kitten. She was born in a barn on a farm in January in Michigan. We always thought of her as a miracle kitty for surviving in the cold winter months. We took her in around 8-10 weeks but we never knew her exact date of birth. I got her from a co-worker who knew the farm owners.

She died early Sat. morning, just two days ago and I feel such and empty hole in my heart that words cannot explain my grief. She got sick and died hours after going into the vet. hospital. We were able to get xrays and ultrasounds done and were planning to have surgery to have the fist-sized cyst removed but she didn't make it. I wonder how long it was growing in her and whether or not I missed the signs. She seemed healthy up until Thursday when we noticed she was very sick. We think she was sick on Wed. but we didn't see her. We have two other cats so we might have just missed that she was not around. She came up from the basement Thursday night and meowed the most painful meow I've ever heard. I did get to sleep with her that night and Friday we took her to the vet. We got the call Sat. morning at 730 that she passed away sometime between 930 pm Friday and 5am Sat. I was in such shock and I suppose I still am in shock. I miss my kitty so terribly. I think she was too young to go and I always thought I would have at least 5-6 more years with her. Now I find myself depressed and sad everytime I go home and she's not there. Little things like getting out of the shower she'd be waiting for me. She'd beg for food at the table, chips or popcorn when we were eating in the living room. I put my daughter's breakfast out for her this morning and I thought "I don't need to worry about Little Kitty trying to eat it" It was just so sad. Everytime an ice cube would fall from the refrigerator door she'd be there to play with it. She wasn't like the other cats we still have. She always wanted to be on your lap and be around you. Now I am stuck sitting around my house with no cat on my lap and I feel like my heart is broken.

One of my cats seems to be mourning her loss, while the other one couldn't care less. It both helps me to soothe my other cat, but also makes it harder for me to see him sad.

We buried her in our front landscaping bed and plan to plan a small ornamental tree in her honor. We placed some of her favorite toys in the box with her and a bag of catnip she received for Christmas. Sometimes I have anxiety attacks wishing I still had those things to look at, but I have her collar.

I am hoping to find some solace here because I am a complete mess without my kitty. I'd give anything to have her back. How does anyone get over it?

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You've come to a great place where people truly understand what you're going through.

The short answer is, you don't get over it. You learn to live with it.

It's different for everyone of course, but for most that feel the loss enough to search for, and find this site, the sense of loss is there for good. Usually, in the beginning, you cry all the time, you can't eat, you can't sleep, if you're able to perform your daily routine at all, it's only because of some kind of "auto-pilot" and your consciousness feels like it's just along for the ride.

Over time you start to cry less and sleep more. You begin to eat properly again and eventually can begin to think about your special furry friend with a tearful smile.

There are a few of us here that lost our furries a year or more ago. We will all tell you pretty much the same thing. You will heal. You will learn to live with this. You will not "get over it".

Please, if you can't sleep, at least take time to try to rest. Also, you should make a conscious effort to eat something. Grief takes a lot out of us. People have reported getting very ill and even having to be hospitalized after their initial severe grieving.

Please understand that I'm not trying to scare you. I do want you to understand that grieving is hard work, and it's very important that you take good care of your self during the worst of it.

It will get better, but it will take time. Until then, come here whenever you feel the need to unload or just read. There are so many wonderful people here. I know they will be able to help you.

Tim

Hi, I am so sorry about your Little Kitty. I can relate to how you are feeling and my heart breaks for you. I lost my cat Louie also, in a couple days it will be 2 months. It doesn't seem like 2 months without him though it seems like a lifetime. I can picture him in my mind as clear as day and I hope that image never fades from my mind. He was only 2 years old when he died. He was perfectly healthy. I took him to the vet to have him neutered, I worried about leaving him there but I didn't worry about the operation itself because it is so routine. The vet told me I would be called when he was stable enough to come home. So I came home and waited by the phone, the phone call I got wasn't the one I was waiting for. The vet called me and told me they took him in at 11:30 and at 11:36 he went into cardiac arrest. She told me they tried everything they knew to save him but couldn't. He was allergic to the sedative they gave him. I rushed to the vets office as fast as I could and when they brought him into me in a little white box I just about lost my mind. No one understands how much my life changed from the moment, that wasn't my "cat" in that box. That was my baby, my best friend, my shadow. I know exactly what you mean when you put food on the table and think to yourself shes not here to try and eat it. Louie did the same as your Kitty he would be waiting for me to get out of the shower. Till this day sometimes I cry when I get out of the shower and think of him waiting there for me. Its still very new to you but eventually the shock will wear off. Honestly from the moment I heard my Louie I died my whole body shook for a week straight, all I could say was I cant believe this happened over and over. Then I went thru the guilt phase, if I didn't take him to have him neutered he would be here today. And when your not blaming yourself you might find you want to even blame the vet. You will go thru every emotion there is to feel. And here is a very good place to come and see your not alone. Every one of us are here because we are grieving the loss of our beloved animals. Here we all understand that your cat wasnt just a cat, she was very much a part of your family. I dont think you will every really get over it, i know I wont. But i can tell you as time goes on you learn to accept it. Dont get my wrong I still have really bad days. Friday was one of those days, my friends and family dont understand how I feel, they feel at this point i should be over it. So when ever im having one of those " bad" days I come onto this site and know I am not alone. As you are not alone.

Sorry about Little Kitty. I certainly know how you feel. Tim did a great job of summing up what to expect. It is no fun but time allows you to learn to live with the loss. I still miss my little guy so much, but I have no choice but one, and that is to try to accept it. I guess that I'm learning how to do that, slowly but surely right now. The first few weeks were unbearable, though. This will pass to some degree.

I found a lot of comfort in putting together a really nice photo album of Sidney and I have also been jotting down all of the things that he did in a nice little leather bound book so that I never forget them. I had one other really special cat when I was younger and I am amazed by how little I remember of her. This will not happen with Sidney as I have written down so much already. I think some sort of memorial such as these really does help ease the pain of the loss.

I look at the pain I am feeling now as a testimony to the love that I have for Sidney. The same is true for you and Little Kitty. It is so much better to have had a special relationship with all of the pain that it entails than to have had a lackluster relationship that is relatively pain free. I guess that you could say that it is the price we pay for great critters. I have to look at things this way to be able to cope with all of the despair that I am feeling.

I hope that you feel a little better soon. I know how hard that is. Good luck.

So sorry to hear of your loss and you have come to the right place to find understanding from others. Friends and familiy are great but not everyone understands the utter pain and hopelessness felt on the loss of a much loved animal companion. I lost Stripey two weeks ago today. and I am still at the stage where everything is measured - three weeks ago today she was still fine, three weeks ago tomorrow I took her to the vet, two weeks ago today she died, two weeks ago tomorrow I buried her' etc. I expect this to contunue for some time, as it did after the sudden and shocking loss of a dear friend (human) last year. I am still shocked and angry - like you I keep wondering if I should have noticed and acted earlier - I realise that self-recrimination is pointless and liable to do more harm than good but I seem to need to blame someone and the only person I can think of is me, so this is normal. I also feel lonely, despite the presence and affection of my other two cats, and the support of friends and family. I had a memorial service for her, like yours, and buried her with her dish, a sachet of food, a photo of me, some catnip etc. I think the ceremonial aspect helped - I felt quite calm afterwards though this did not last. I agree with Sidney's Buddy - compile an album, write things down - I managed to salvage some fur out of her brush and have asked friends to send me every picture they have. I have compiled email condolences into a do%%ent and have several 'sympathy' card which will also go into my album. Best of all, my parents found some video footage of her as a young cat which I will get put onto DVD. I really find it helps to write down my memories and look at her picture. Of course it still gets awful - I have a vile stress-induced rash all over my arms and spent all last night in tears as I'd dozed off on the sofa and woke and thought I saw her at the door waiting to get out - it was a cat-shaped door stop - the shadows making it seem dark like Stripey. Its excruciating, I know, but I've found it really helps to read others experiences - you feel so much less alone when you read words written by others which seem to come straight from your heart. We are all here for you, as we are for each other.

with loving sympathies,
Fiona (and Stripey - in spirit - Whitey and Lily)

Thank you for your support and kindness. I am going through period of guilt and despair/loneliness. Last night I spent some time in our basement where she would stay at night and sometimes during the day and I was so angry with myself for putting the kitties down there. I mean, it really isn't that bad, but it feels so cold and lonely. We would put all or two of the kitties down there at a time, it's a walkout so they could watch outside and there were rugs. But I just feel like a horrible person for leaving them down there when we weren't home. I am trying to make myself believe that they really didn't care. Little Kitty would rub her paws on the door when she wanted to come out and it would make this squeak sound. I still don't know how she managed to make the squeak sound but I miss is so much.

I gathered up some pictures yesterday and plan to put together an album for her.

I just hope she knows how much I loved her. It was less than a week ago and she was a fine spunky kitty and now she's gone.

I was able to eat some dinner last night and I did sleep some. My daughter and I put a flower on her grave last night and talked to her.

My heart aches for all of you who have also lost a best friend and soulmate. Your stories touch my heart and I feel like I understand what you're going through since I am experiencing it now.

Some of the questions that keeps going over and over in my mind are:

"Is she loney where she is?"
"Where is she?"
"Does she know I miss and love her?"
"Did she think I was a good companion to her?"

The first one is really ripping me up. I am hoping some of you have comforting answers to these; although I know no one really knows. I just don't want her to feel alone or unloved.

Lots of folks believe that our furries go to a place with other furries where they wait to be reunited with us when our time comes. (I'm one of those folks) Most like to refer to it as Rainbow Bridge.

Of course there's no proof, but there's a whole lot of myth, legend and cir%%stantial evidence supporting the idea. Not to mention organized religion is beginning to accept something along these lines too.

Our babies spirits go to a wonderful place to be with other furry spirits where they can play or rest or do pretty much whatever they like. They're not lonely at all. In fact, time works different for them, so they really don't have much chance to miss us either.

They are even more aware now of how much we love and miss them than they could have been in their physical form. And when we are reunited with them we will be able to communicate with them on an whole new level that we never could here on earth.

Little Kitty knows how you're feeling and knows just how much you love her. She's in a safe and loving place patiently waiting for the day you can be together again.

There are others here that can do a much better job explaining all this to you than I can, but I think you can get the idea from this.

Take care of yourself,
Tim

That is really comforting to hear Tim. I would love to hear from more, because it does make me feel more at peace.

I was having a hard time yesterday sitting on my steps to my upstairs looking toward the front door asking if she was ok, lonely, etc. and instantly the door detail struck me (it's a cross). I never noticed it before because it's a solid oak door, but I have to think that divine intervention was trying to ease my mind by providing a sign. I mean, it was so instantaneous that I stopped sobbing. I don't know if it was just a fluke, but I think it wasn't.

It's still just so depressing to think I will never see her again (on earth). I hear her meow in my head over and over and I have this fear that I will forget it. It's sad to think that now the weathers nice she won't be out there to chase the birds or catch the flied in my house. She was the best fly-catcher I've ever seen. She'd smack one out of mid air, hold it on the ground until she got her mouth by her paw then ever so slowly open her paw so the fly went right into her moth. Smart kitty. She was so clever, so loving, so in need of attention. She was like the other kitties I've read about on here that were in your face wanting your attention. Always there when you opened a can, waiting for food to fall to the floor. We called her "Hover or Hoovie" sometimes because she was like a vacuum cleaner. Oh I miss her so much.

My little guy was quite the flycatcher as well. He'd snag them right out of mid-air. Pretty impressive.

It really is tough not having our precious little friends around. Sometimes I'm really not too sure if I want to be here without Sid. I always knew that he would go some day and I've been trying to prepare for it for a long time, but all in vain it seems.

It is depressing to think that we will not be seeing our friends. I hits me every day as well. I certainly know how you feel. I know as well that I am starting to adjust to the situation and that makes me feel bad as well. I know that all of this is natural, but that doesn't make it easy to take.

I hope that your pain eases, take care of yourself.

It's now been a little over two weeks since I lost her and it still feels pretty raw. I don't cry as much, and that is bittersweet to me. I feel better knowing that she's in a good place and that she is happy, but I feel sad for me because I have to be here without her and she was such a loving sweet kitty with a huge personality. I still hear her little meows.

I had a bit of a setback last night because my mother told my husband that she thought it wasn't normal for me to grieve so much. It made me so angry and then sad for Little Kitty. My daughter still occassionally says she doesn't want Little Kitty to die (as if there is some choice, or chance that it didn't/wouldn't happen).

So, it's still rough for me.

I was out of town for a week at a convention and my family was with me so I was distracted, but it was hard to come home again to my house without her. Seeing her grave is hard, but my daughter and I make a point to talk to her everyday.

I just can't believe my own mother could be so heartless about it and blame me for my feelings. Thank goodness my husband told her that it was good to express my feelings and normal after the loss of a 12 year old pet that we loved. I could express a few explatives, but I won't. Anyway, feeling sad here...still.

Don't be angry with your mother, feel sorry for her. Not everyone has been blessed with the priviledge of knowing the love of a furbaby like we have, so they just don't understand. As your mother, she is probably just concerned and doesn't want her little girl to hurt anymore...I'm sure she isn't trying to be insensitive. My mother is a HUGE animal lover (as is my whole family) and even she shows concern for me that I am still so obviously sad about Sasha's death. I was only 14 years old when I got Sasha, so she was a part of the entire family for years until I marrried and moved out, which made it very difficult for them to lose her as well, but after almost 2 years, they have been able to since accept it now and think that I should ,too. Point being that even my parents, whom look at their babies the same way I do (and when my moms kitty passes away, I'm sure she will be in my same shoes~she is her BABY!), just want me to be OK again...that is what parents do.
your friend in grief,
Kim

One month ago today Little Kitty passed away. It doesn't feel like a month has gone by, but in another sense it feel like forever since I've seen her.

I still hurt inside, I want her back. I love her so much. She'd love the wonderful spring weather. I hope she's happy at Rainbow Bridge.

A fly got in yesterday and I know she would have caught it.

Oh Little Kitty, I miss you.