Hi all,

On April 22 it will be 3 months since I lost my beloved boy cat Rocky. Seems as of late I'm having a hard time dealing with the loss. I can't get out of my head the last moments of him at the vet. Seeing him on the table heavily panting (he couldn't breath as he had fluid in his lungs) and his eyes dilated just keep playing over and over in my head. I also keep kicking myself for not seeing him before they gave him the morphine. It's like I was doing so well dealing with the grief and now I've hit a brick wall. I'm not going through any crying jags, though I do tear up thinking of him, but I seem to be stuck playing the situation over and over in my head. I think part of the problem is that spring is here and this was his favorite time of year. We'd let him outside supervised and he would walk the grounds then find a favorite spot to lay down.
Is this normal to be like this? How can I move on?

Thanks everyone and Happy Easter.

going thru same thing 3 months ago my baby died of heart failure and still see that in my head every day.now his surviving mate has same thing and she has only days maybe weeks left have to go thru the agony again from start iwas a little better too untill this.know your not alone

Absolutely normal, normal, normal...moving on is a slow process, one step at a time. Keeping busy helps. Talking to people who understand helps.
Try to remember a better picture of Rocky in your mind's eye...
Remember the day you met him?
The last image I had of my dear girl was a motionless lump on the table, wrapped in her pink blanket. She died in my arms & I really think she just went to sleep. I held her til she was cold (G*d bless the vet for understanding) but I had to leave her, eventually.

I force myself to remember better things than this. She gave me so much more joy than grief, & I know Rocky did for you, too.

I work in human medicine & I know that in humans, in addition to helping with the pain itself, morphine helps in heart failure & helps one to forget about the pain too. So if this was the way Rocky left us, his wheezing was better for a moment, he had no stress, no pain, & then, it was over...it may have been very kind & gentle indeed.

I hope some of this maybe helps...bless you, & Rocky too. He's gorgeous. CBW

My little guy also had fluid in his lungs. He was on oxygen for two days while they treated him. Seeing such an incredible creature so much in pain is a sight that I truly want to forget. I am trying as hard as possible to wipe those last memories from my mind. Sidney died in my arms as I hugged and kissed him, contantly telling him that I love him. He loved being kissed and he understood the word love because I always said it at appropriate times. I remember actually feeling relief after he died. He was no longer gasping for air. I feel horrible about all of this now. Feeling relief that the most wonderful friend that I've ever had is dead.

Sidney would be outside, supervised as well, a lot now if he were still here. That is also eating me up. We definitely have a lot in common, unfortunately. He really loved this time of year.

We are all trying to move on, and though I am a little better I know that I will alwys miss the little bugger. Good luck through all of this.

My cat Pierre died five days ago...at the vets...fluid in the lungs. I had to leave him there knowing he would be terrified and didn't get to say goodbye. Those last moments play over and over. I just wanted to bring him home but they said he couldn't but they also left him untreated (short of two pills), no oxygen, nothing. I wish I would have just brought him home. He died in the night. I am really mad at the vet and will never go back to her. She didn't listen to anything I was telling her; ie he's an indoor cat. The next day she asked if he could have been hit by a car. I think she underestimated how ill he was. I took him in on Sunday. as in emerency, looking for emergent care...didn't get that. I am left without him and can literally feel my heart break in two.

I am trying to focus on the good memories (like playing with his ear hair) and they help. I want the last vision of him out of my mind. I know that the pain is as sharp as a tack and will ease in time, just right at the moment...

When I read your posting, it hit me in the heart so hard. My heart is with you. Five minutes at a time. Just know that our loved ones don't hurt anymore, that helps me a lttle bit. Take care.

I know what you are going through--April 22 will be 5 months since Jake passed. This was also Jake's favorite time of year, and, today has been very difficult. He would also be outside, catching birds and mice, and moles, and bringing them over to the house, meowing with his "catch" in his mouth to get our attention so we could tell him how proud we were. I still look for him. He loved the outside. If we were outside, Jake was right there also--

I still tear up thinking of Jake. I visit his resting place often and I talk to him. Sometimes I have dreams about the end--especially when I had to take his boy, Bailey in to the vet--all the memories came flodding back--and i cried when I was at the vets. When I passedthe room we were in, all I could see was those final moments. I think that it is normal to have these "flashbacks"...but I know that htis is hard...it has and is helping to remember all the funny things that Jake did and share them with others. In fact, now I can see him with his mouth full of bird, tail in the air, looking at me like, "See what I brought you, mom?"


[/QUOTE] I remember actually feeling relief after he died. He was no longer gasping for air. I feel horrible about all of this now. Feeling relief that the most wonderful friend that I've ever had is dead.[QUOTE]

Sidney's buddy...you were not feeling relief that yourbeloved friend was dead--he was no longer in any pain. Sorrow because Sidney passed, but relieved that he was not in pain anymore. Even though the pain of losing Jake is so great, I can look back and be thankful that he was spared alot more additional pain. His skin was bumpy and lumpy because he had to have needles injected into him by the vet to try to rehydrate him. His fever was so high, and he could bearly keep his eyes open. I would love to have Jake back...but I know that is selfish of me..to have him bak would mean that he wouldn't be able to enjoy the outside, he would be in pain, and he wouldn't be able to "be" Jake. Please, don't beat yourself up..you loved Sidney, and you always will.

Clairecares, thank you for helping me understand that Jake wasn't in pain when he "went to sleep".

And, everyone, your furkids are gorgeous!
Sandi

Thanks everyone for you kind words and support. My heart goes out to all of you as well who have lost their beloved fur babies.
I am trying to focus on the good times and wonderful memories we had. I guess I'm relating this time of year with Rocky so much that it's just keeping me in a moment of time. It's like the logical side of me says move on, but my heart is torn to bits. Well, I'll kep working on this and hopefully I'll find a point where I don't think about it so much.

Bless you all - Chris

Hi Chris,
I just read your post and I can relate to how you are feeling. I lost my cat Louie also, it will be 2 months on the 21 st. Lately things have been getting harder for me. Im at a point where I feel i have to try and hide my feelings from my friends and family. I to cant get the last moments of seeing him at the vet out of my head either , it comes back to me in flashbacks. Everytime it happens I try to think of the good times I had with him but the last moments over power the good memories. I to think the problem is that Spring is here, I think to myself he didnt get to see the bright warm sun, things like that. Its good your over the crying jags, I thought i was there for a little while but lately its all come back. I try and do things to keep my mind off it, but it doesnt help. All I have to do is see a cat and it brings me to tears.