I put my baby to sleep two days ago, I am truely going out of my mind with grief, he had had rectal bleeding for almost a year, he would get better, then it would start again, otherwise he was a very happy boy and I loved him so dearly.
The vets explained the treatments to me which were all horrible invasive things to be done to him, I couldnt bear this, my baby boy being treated this way, so I asked if he could be put to sleep. Now all I feel is guilt and pain, maybe they could have saved him. The treatment was truely worse than the cure, have I done the right thing. please help me.

Dear, dear Biaggia, you did what you thought was best, motivated by the BEST intentions (not wanting your friend to suffer, even if it meant you suffer afterward). To second guess yourself now is torture. Please don't.

"What if, what if". The day I put my darling girl to sleep, I met a lady whose cat was the same age as mine & had the same tumor, but it was caught earlier. Her kitty was (& is) still alive. Mine is gone. ("WHY HER?"~another very convenient way to torture myself).

If I had just caught it earlier. Looking back at my own case, there were signs, but I didn't push the vet to ultrasound her (SHOULD HAVE). I just treated the symptoms (constipation) accepting this as normal for old kitties (IT IS). The thought that "if only I had found the tumor sooner I might still have her right now" is a rapid path to insanity. BECAUSE, I might also NOT still have her right now, something ELSE could have happened, who KNOWS.
<staring sadly off into space>

Lots of things we do not know. True, maybe they could have saved him. But maybe he would have gone thru all the treatment & died anyway. What we know: you did the very very best you could, out of the best motivation there is (true selfless love for another being). We know he is not bleeding & suffering. We know he would not want you to hurt, & I don't either, but I know you do, & I hurt with you, from my heart... CBW

Another day goes by, my endless tears could fill a river.
Please Please Forgive Me Little Man
Prancer and I love and miss you, our home seems so empty without you.
You gave us so much happiness, and I couldnt help you.
Forever I will live with what I have done.

hi biaggia

i am so sorry you lost your special little furbaby. i also had to put my little mocha cat to sleep recently and struggled with all the guilt and "what-if's". i tore myself apart thinking there was more i could have or should have done for her. how could i have done this. i made the wrong decision. if only i had acted faster maybe she would still be with me and on and on and on.....
i know it is hard but please try not to do this to yourself. you made your decision with the purest of intentions...love. you were so brave to do what was right for your little one. you are grieving the loss of someone very special to you and that is totally normal. i am so glad you found this site. the people here are wonderful and totally understand what it is like to lose someone so special. come as often as you need to and know this is a safe place to share your feelings. we are all here for you. take care of yourself.

sandra

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I am struggling with the same problems. My Sidney was the most incredible animal and I HAD to end his suffering. Now I have to live with those last horrible days etched into my memory. Still, I love him and am incredibly grateful to have had him in my life. I am sure that you would agree that the pain is worth suffering for all of the joy that your little one brought you.

Biaggia,

I am so very sorry for what you are going through...I know exactly how you feel, as I was the one who held Jake and signed the authorization paper to have him euthanised. What you did you did out of love for your baby, as I did, as Sindey's buddy did, as well as others that have posted here have had to do. It is one of the hardest decisions that we will ever have to make.

Somedays I still struggle with. "Did we give up too soon?" "Was it really too late?" "Could something have been done for Jake?" "If only we had known about FeLV and the hidden signs, we would have had him tested, and then, we would have been able to give him the vitamins, etc..to build up his immune system..." Jake just showed up at our new home one day, and chose us are "his people". Soeone once said on this site that our pets choose us, we don't choose them--and I believe they are right. Even though Jake was very young, (2 1/2), he was able to know love and affection the last months of his life. I will never regret that he showed up that day..

I have shared the following poem before on this site, as it was given to me after Jake's passing...it still makes me cry to read it, but it has helped me not too feel so guilty...others have read this also, and it has been of some comfort to all of us:

"If I Should Grow Frail"

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain does keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done?
For this, the last battle, cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand.
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer, so,
When the time comes, please, let me go.

Take me to where my needs they'll tend,
Only, please stay with me until the end,
And hold me close and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.

Although my tail its last has waived,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.

Don't grieve now that it must now be you
Who has to decide this thing to do.

We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

I hpe that you are able to have some peace at this time..and as Sandra posted, we are all here for you..

Sandi