This is to always remember my sweet little baby girl, Lucky whom I loved so much!

Lucky came into my life 3 years ago from Lighthouse Rescue. The founder, Kitten first told me about my baby. Kitten called her Melanie then. The funny thing is, Kitten had really tried hard to convince me to adopt the little girl. According to Kitten, she had been passed around from foster house to foster house after somebody dumped her! For whatever reason, I said yes and agreed to adopt her. She flew in Delta Airlines from Edgewater Florida to Pensacola Regional Airport where I picked her up and met her for the first time. Maybe she can tell that I am there for her, because in spite of many people in the area, she pointed up her nose and barked at me! I laughed so hard because it felt like she’s telling me “what are you waiting for? I’m tired so let’s go home!” My baby let me felt immediately that she owns me, but that’s just fine with me. Funny to think that a doctor and a professor like me is subservient and totally owned by a little prissy princess LOL!

So I took her home and the minute she got in the house, and when my other baby, a big black Lab and Chow mix Ferguson came to meet us, she snapped at him! A little 20 pounds Pom snapping at a 90 pounds LabChow! What an attitude! What a funny site, although Ferguson did not think it funny. Well, I asked her if she wanted to retain the name Melanie and got no response. So I asked her if she feels lucky because I feel lucky to have her. She wagged her tail and that’s why I called her Lucky. I also call her with endearing names like Nunu, Lulu, MaLuLu, Princess Noki, and so many others. Whatever I call her though; she always comes to my call.

Nobody knows how old is Lucky, but the vet estimates that she’s over 7 years old when I got her. The vet also stated that she looked like she had been bred many times before. And the most devastating news is that, she had a congestive heart. Her heart is so worn out also due to heart worm disease! I asked the vet if they can correct this problem and I was given the hard reality. She is small and old and she will need a new heart which is probably impossible to find. Anyway, the vet told me that Lucky might leave any day. I was distraught but I promised her that I will love her no matter what. Since then, I let her boss her brother Ferguson and just rule over me and my heart. I just hoped that she knows that I love her so much!

Everything was fine. She takes her water pill, heart med, and antibiotics everyday. But one day I just noticed that she does not want to eat or drink. I took her to the vet and was told that her little heart is giving up! I thought I died that very moment! I told my vet to give her a shot to help her get rid of the water. We were able to do it many times before, and we can do it again! The vet obliged, but somehow, my baby’s little body and heart just gave up! For a week, I had to carry my baby out to pee and do her thing. After doing that, she looks at me and I know that she wants me to pick her up, which I always did lovingly. I would not mind doing that for her for 10 more years! For a week I stayed home to cater to her. I am afraid that if I left, she will leave me. But due to a meeting, I told her that I need to leave her for just an hour, and I will be back as soon as I can. I told her I love her and she should stay where she is and be a good girl!

I left for the office meeting with that scared feeling that she would sneak out on me. Maybe my baby knows me better than I know me! But that window of time, which I felt was the longest hour, true enough, my baby sneaked out on me! I should not have left her! I cradled her lifeless body from her favorite bed. She looks like she just went to sleep just like a good girl! I felt her pulse hoping that it will come back. But my baby’s little body is cold, and all I can do is to hold her, kiss her, and tell her I love her so much! April 7, 2006 at 11:00AM is the day that a big chunk of my heart died!

Lucky is such a loving and sweet girl! Since I got her, she lays down with me. When I finally sleep, she would quietly crawl out my hands, flip her hair, and lay down where I can see her face first thing in the morning! She never left my side. She always made sure that she’s within my eyesight! In spite of her health, Lucky is such a happy little girl! Whenever I prepare the food for her and her big brother Ferguson, she would keep on jumping and circling around! That shows you just how she loves to eat! She will also quickly snap at her big brother if he even comes close to her bowl. She totally controls Ferguson LOL!

I was not ready for my sweet little baby to go and I was adamant that I will do everything for her. But at the last minute, my prissy little princess did everything her way. I loved her so much and she will always be my little prissy baby and nothing can change that. I know she is happy and still flamboyant in the house of God! As such, I can’t wait to see her loving face and eyes again! Until then sweetheart, always be a good girl for Mama!

Hi Lulu, I got up today to drive. I keep smiling because I am seeing you getting up the car window with your nose up. You are so funny little girl. It hurt me so much when you just suddenly leapt up to the Rainbow Bridge but I have been consoling myself due to the fact that I know that you are not in pain anymore. Keep on making me feel your presence sweetheart, because I need to feel you. I so love the way you looked at during my dream, sweetheart, you are so beautiful as ever!

It's been the 4th day since you went to the Rainbow Bridge. I want to tell you that I am waiting for you to come back to me! Please sweetheart, come back to Mama! I need you, I do not know how to go on without you! I love you so much Lulu; I can't wait to see your small pretty face and expressive eyes again!

Hi LuLu, it's your Mom. I have a story to tell you. Remember that when I take you and your big brother Ferguson out for a drive? And you would snap at him everytime he attempts to sit on your seat? Well, he would not sit on your seat, sweetie. That means that both of us are waiting for you. Or, are you still with us sitting in your favorite seat, snapping at your brother? You are one silly and funny girl! I love you so much, Lucky!

You will be reunited. You are a WONDERful Mom! Lulu knows that for sure.

Yes! I look forward to seeing the beautiful face and expressive eyes of my baby again!

Fe (LuckyNono's still grieving Mom)




To my Lulu, still the same here sweetheart. I am still hurting and feels like the pain has not subsided a bit. Oh how I long to hold you one more time and kiss that wet and cold nose! Wait for Mama and be a good girl, sweetheart! I love you!

Sweetheart, just want you to know that you took a big chunk of my heart when you left. I still feel so lost without you and your furry butt!

My sweet little baby girl
I can't seem to find the most appropriate word to tell you how much I miss you. My heart is still numb and unfeeling and would only come to life again the moment I see you. While waiting for me sweetheart, go ahead and play and enjoy. Be happy and young again, sweetheart. For the meantime, keep looking out for me by the Rainbow Bridge when I can hold you and kiss you one more time and this time, we'll never be apart again!

I love you so much Lulu!

Lulu, thank you for the white gardenia flowers, sweetheart! I cried again but this time with happiness. I am now more peaceful since you assured me that you are happy and okay. You are also waiting for me, and I can't be happier to know this for sure. I still miss you but I promise that I will not cry so much anymore because you did not want me to be lonely. Until then, sleep well, my little baby girl while I watch and guard you!

Your mom

Lulu,
Your presence in the house is still so vivid sweetheart. I can still see you running around the house looking for me. I can still see you walking behind me going from one room to another to watch TV or do computer work. I still see you looking up to me from your favorite spot under the computer table. Yes sweetheart, I still see you! Loving you until eternity!

Your Mom who loves you sooooo oh very much

I cried and called out your name again, sweetheart. If I don't cry and call out your name, I feel like my heart will explode. I am missing you so much and I am now realizing that you were not here with me anymore.

I am just living one day at a time now, because my entire being still refuses to accept of your absence. Help me go through this grief, sweetheart. Loving you so much

Mom

Thanks for writing to your baby in this forum.

She's really fine. You'll be okay---and you'll be fully reunited.

Love,

Kathy

Hi kathy,
thank you for the nice words. Talking to my baby in this site really helped me in my grief. I know that I was getting so deep in my depression so I thought that it might help if I start talking out what I feel. And it really helped. Another thing that helped me is the support of all of friends and members of this site. You all have been incredible for bringing smiles in my face again.

The recovery from grief is slow but everyone's concern, love, sympathy and the love of my baby will see me through this dark phase of my life.

Sincerely,

LuckyNono's mom

Hello my sweetheart,
It's been 20 days since I last run my fingers through your soft hair. The pain seems to be the same that you went to the Rainbow Bridge. Based on what I am reading from friends who come and visit to this web site, it'll be impossible to erase the pain. They said that the pain will be the same, but it will get easier with time.

The hardest times is when I come home from work, go to sleep at night, wake up in the morning, and prepare food for you and your brother Ferguson. Your excitement to see me prepare your food is the most happiest time of the day for me. You know why, because you can barely content your excitement and you'd be doing all kinds of crazy things just to express your excitement! You keep turning around, jumping, and snapping at your brother. Oh how I long to see your funny antics again!

I guess I should tell you, don't worry too much if I cry for you. It's a human thing to show you that I miss you so much. I love you until eternity, Lulu!

You still grieving mom after 20 days!

My sweet baby girl,
How are you? I so long to kiss your wet and cold nose. Your brother Ferguson is trying his best to get me through this ordeal, but it seems like everyday without you just keep getting harder. I love you sweetheart, and I hope you'll come back to me!

Your mom

For whatever reason, my heart is so heavy today. Thus, I've been crying for my baby. I miss her soooo much the pain is almost unbearable. I keep on psyching my self that she's happy and she's okay, but my heart aches and longs for her.

Does anybody know of any rational or sane way to deal with a grieving hert? I just want my baby back. This is getting worse, because all I want is to be with my baby!

Lulu's mom who can't get out of the dumpster

Well I am maybe not the best example but it has helped me to read a bunch of books just finished Blessing the Bridge and plan to start cold noses at the pearly gates this weekend.Blessing the Bridge it was a really helpful book I still slip backwards but really I have read like crazy for 3 months would hate to see how I would be if I had not read. All the tears you are crying are healing tears they must be shed and its ok to shed them I am considered fairly normal and I have been a spoiled brat stomping my feet trying to make deals with God all of it and a huge crybaby over Tillie. But more than anything I want her at peace and I need to work on letting her go so she can be does that make sense?

Tillies mom

Tillie's mom,
you know I am really trying hard not to be lonesome because one of our cultural beliefs is that, everytime that you are upset about their leaving, they get anxious also, i.e., they can't get peace. Thank you for opening my eyes one more time. I have to make peace with my baby's leaving to give her peace at the Rainbow Bridge, until I see her again.

Lucky Nono's mom

Lulu, thank you for being my guiding star and my little angel. Take care sweetheart, be good for mama, until we see each other again.

Your mom

Thank you for sharing the beautiful story of Lucky. Being with you, she was truly aptly named.

Take care and treat yourself well. Lucky would want that for you.

Ken Albin

Tillies mom,
I see that you are about to read cold noses at the pearly gates...I recently read that book myself and I am now on the second edition. The first one wasn't exactly what I expected it to be, and it was actually a little hard to stay focused while reading it a lot of the time because there was so much time spent defending his views ( which was unecessary to me personally because I am a christian), although I understand he did it to try to be P.C. and keep everybody happy, not ruffle any feathers sort of speak, so I respect him for that. Apparantly, lots of others felt the same way, so he came out with the second edition in which he outright says he won't be doing any defending, just saying how it is, and I am enjoying this one much more...I'm about 3/4 the way through it now. Let me know what your opinion is on it, and let me know more about Blessing the Bridge...what type of writing is it? I wonder if it is something I would like to read. Anyway, I just wanted to say that if you aren't that crazy about the cold noses book, try the second version before throwing in the towel...especially if you are a christian...the bible verses and stories in it alone are worth the time to read it! ( I actually came upon a certain story in version 2 (the same night I posted that one about feeling guilty) where he had a similiar cir%%stance with his dog...long story short, she was trying to follow him even though he told her to stay put and she got all muddy...he scolded her for it...now he feels guilty for scolding her when she was only showing her loyalty by coming to see about him once out of sight....his story's are very comforting to me. I hope they bring you comfort as well...
Your friend in grief,
Kim

Sweetheart, it's been 30 days since you walked over the Rainbow Bridge to wait for me.

My love for you has not changed a bit, my grieving has not eased a bit, but I will try to go on to always cherish the moments we are together. I love you so very much Lulu, and I always will.

Here to forever love you,
your mom

Hi Lulu,

I am sure now that although I can't see you physically, you are here with me all the time! I feel you pull my blanket this morning and I can't help it but laugh. You have not changed a bit - you're still the prima donna!

To everyone, my sweet little baby girl is so bossy that she would pull my blanket to wake me up and get me to get up!

I love you so much Lucky!

your mom