My friends say that im getting deeper and deeper into depression...
they think that if i left the apartment and go on vacation it would help, because everything in the apartment reminds me of Ubi. All the memories were here...
But i feel...if i leave...i would be running away from her...denying her and all the memories we had...
Theres a part of me that does want to leave to ease the pain....but a huge part of me is scared to leave because i want to be close to these memories and i dont want to ever forget them...I feel as if she's still here in this apartment and if i leave i would be running out on her.....

You wouldn't be running out on her. There is no way you could deny the memories that you had with her. She is a part of you no matter where you are or where you go. Your life with her has helped to shape you as the person that you are today. I have moved from one house where I had my 20 year old cat euthanized. My love for her was so huge that no walls could ever confine it. Her spirit is everywhere now, not just in that house or the house I lived in with her prior to that. Because I carry her with me in my heart no matter where I go.

I had Oswald euthanized when I was in the house I still live in. After a while, the grief lessens, even though I can still picture him here. Again, the love I had for him is larger than place or time. I take all of the cats I have ever owned and loved with me in my heart. They are still a part of who I am.

Going on vacation is not a betrayal of Ubi. Nor is it deserting her. Even if you decided to leave the apartment you are in, you are not stranding her there. Your love for Ubi is eternal. You never deserted her when she was alive. And that is what really counts.

Nothing helps but time. She does go with you where you go, though. I miss my little guy but I know that as long as I am alive he will be alive in my heart and in my memories. My house is all memories, which can be difficult at times, but I wouldn't want to whitewash him from my life. The memories are really special, sacred even. I am a different person than I once was due to a little, furry, seven pound hunk of love. Our pets do that to us.

Thank you so much deedee and Sidney's Buddy. I was crying before I came on the site to check the forum...but when i read your forum it comforted me a lot and it just felt like a huge weight was lifted from me...
what you two said really touched me...and made me realize some things...
i was just so focused on thinking of her as a physical being ...and didnt realize that yes, i will carry her in my heart...she will go wherever i go...she's no longer stuck in her physical form...she's free to be where she wants to be...and that makes me happy for her...
When i realized what you two have said...it felt like...she was comforting me....i probably couldnt feel that before because i was too consumed with the pain....but now I do feel her everywhere I go....

Thank you..