My beautiful Maltese Crystal passed away today. --- A mother's love is the deepest and greatest. She was my first child and my entire being aches for her. I have cared for her to the expense of my own health for 2 months now waking every 2 hours throughout the night and never getting away from home for more than an hour during the day. I have been feeding her using a syringe because she could not eat or drink on her own. I cannot imagine the grief of a loss of a child because this grief I have for Crystal is so immense that it is hard to imagine more. I know I would never survive either of my beautiful girl's loss and never want to be faced with that. Crystal has been my sweet "cuddly bug" for 14 years and all I want to do is hold her again. When she died, I held her body for 3 hours before I could move toward the door to have her cremated. Then when I drove, crying hysterically, to the crematory I sat there in the lobby holding her and telling her how much I love her and will miss her another hour. After I left, I began throwing up violently and continued to do that even after taking anit-nausea medication. I need to sleep, but every time I close my eyes, I see her poor weak body. I know death is a part of life, but nothing ever will be able to prepare you for it. I had to leave her lifeless body on a table. She was wearing her favorite sweater, wrapped in a blanket. I opened her eyes one more time and told her that I loved her. I pick up her ashes tomorrow.

I would give almost anything to hold her and see her run across the back yard to me. I am trying to think only of the happy side of her life, but it only makes me miss her more. My 6 year old said, "Mom, I don't like this place of heaven. You don't come back from there." I explained about Crystal's spirit always being with us and she said, "Mom, you can't hold and love a spirit."

Wow Crystal looks so proud to be your furbaby.

Children have a lovely unique way of handling this, wait and see what she says next they connect so much easier to spirit than us oldens, she will come to an understanding and one im sure that will help you in some way.

Love Sue

I am so so sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you had to go through a lot of this alone---the vet, the crematorium, !! I feel awful about that and can only begin to imagine how hard that was.

Crystal will always be your little angel. It's true that she is in spirit form now. The good part about that is that she'll always be in bliss, with no phys. or emotional pain (she's not even aware of the pain of separation from you because the time/space separation doesn't exist for her, as it does for us). The hard part is that, as your daughter said, you can't hold her. And your whole being aches for her. Right now there's such a void in your world that it's excruciating.

It will get easier, as impossible as that sounds right now.

Try and take comfort in knowing you were and are a great Mom (and that doesn't mean perfect, because we wouldn't be human if we were perfect), and that you WILL be fully reunited with her when it's your time to pass from your body.

Let us know how you're doing. My heart really goes out to you. Please keep in touch.

Love,
Kathy