I had to come on here to get this out--this may sound crazy, and I know I am probably being unreasonable, but, I am still scared. My little Bailey, Jake's son, is not feeling well--he has something wrong with his ears. I know that this sounds stupid--but after Jake died, I couldn't bear to take Bailey and Fritzie-Waffles back to that vet to have them tested for the feline leukemia and have them get all their shots, etc...I couldn't bring myself to go bak to the place where my baby died in my arms. I couldn't even drive by the clinic without crying. Now, Bailey has probably a bad ear infection--we found something wrong with the way he was acting today, just laying around, shivering, and his ears looked funny--we thought he had ear mites again (he was loaded with fleas, ear mites, and very dehydrated when we rescued him), and I looked in his ears and they were just awful. When I tried to clean the outside of them, Bailey hissed at me, tried to bite me (something he has NEVER done) and took off--so I called the vet that I took him to, and there is a test that has to be run and he didn't have that kind of equipment, so he suggested the animal hospital that Jake went to. Todd and I are taking him tomorrow evening, unless he is worse tomorrow morning--then they said to bring Bailey in first thing. The people there are great--it's just that I know that I am going back to where I had to say goodbye to my other baby--Bailey's daddy. He looks just like Jake and acts so much like Jake. I know this sounds stupid, I am just scared...and immediately my mind went back to that day with Jake..I mean, I thought I was doing well, and now all I can see is those last few moments..and I don't know how I am going to go back there without falling apart. I'm sorry, as I said, it probably sounds stupid, but I had to get it out, and I knew someone here would understand. Thanks for listening.
Sandi

Please take your cat to the vet - I know having lost one of your loved ones just recently can cloud what one needs to do/need for another pet

If you suspect something wrong a vet will know - if you love the beloved one that died, it should make you want to care of your other one deeper.

Do not hesitate - if there is something wrong then you ned to face it - our little ones only have ourselves - and they count on us to take care of them.

Don't be afraid

God is looking over you and your little kitty.

Please, have faith

I mean it

Lynn

hi sandi

i totally understand how you could feel this way. the next time i have to make a trip to the emergency hospital (which i hope is never) i know it will be really hard. that is where i held my little mocha while she was put to sleep. is there maybe any other vet that might have the necessary equipment that you know is good? that might be an alternative. however, it sounds like your baby really needs to see someone quickly. as hard as it is, if there are no other alternatives, i know you will find the strength to do what you need to for your little one. how horrible for you to have to deal with this so soon after losing your special fur baby i don't know what advice i can give you except to maybe try to focus on your poor kitty's ear problem while there and when your mind starts to drift into painful areas try to re-focus and stay focused on your little one that needs help. and don't worry about it if you start crying. so what... they will totally understand how hard this is for you. you are still grieving the loss of someone very special. it's ok. good luck. my thoughts and love are with you.

sandra

Thank you for your kind words, and for the understanding. I know that I need to take Bailey in, it's just the memories of my last moments with Jake. I held him in my arms also. I talked to my fiance about it for a while last night, and he understands--and let me cry.

After losing Jake, I was terrified to have Bailey and Fritzie-Waffles tested for the feline leukemia, as I stated earlier--I couldn't take them to the clinic where I took Jake, because of the memories. I took them to the vet that was right up the road from our home, and had all of their testing done, as well as all their shots and having them neutered--and waiting for the leukemia test results were the worst. Thank God they were both negative. Espeically with having Bailey being one of Jake's babies. So we got through that....I think what has me the most upset is the memories coming back--I thought that I was healing well,and then, it was like, WHAM! It just hit like a ton of bricks again. In my heart I know that I can do this...that's what my other half said--I was able to find the strength to stay and be with Jake (it was my love for him..and asking God to give me the strength to go through with it--it was the toughest decision i ever had to make)..and I guess once the flashbacks came I thought that I was weak..and that I haven't been healing. I know that I will be bringing Bailey home and that he will be okay--I guess what I am really wondering is, am I ready to face the fact that nothing and noone can bring my beloved Jakey back..this may sound crazy, but it's like, reality is hitting. I was able to go down cellar last weekend--Jake's favorite place--and where all of his Jake's things were..and, for the first time, I didn't have to run right back out of there in tears. The lump in my throat was still there..and I haven't yet been able to bring myself to putting his things away. If you don't mind, I will let you know as soon as I get home from the vet and let you know how Bailey is. Thanks again for listening.

Sandi

I hope he's okay. Good luck with the little guy. Sorry about Jake, I truly know how you feel. I enjoyed the orange boy story you posted. It helped me a lot. thanks.

Update on Bailey--

HE"S OKAY!! He does have an infection in his ears--he had an allergic reaction to the ear mite medicine that we were given by the other vet...but, this morning, he is acting more like himself--full of energy and curious as anything!! Thanks to everyone for their kind words and thoughts.

Before we took Bailey yesterday, I went to Jake's resting place, and I talked to him. I told him that I was sorry, but that I knew he wasn't in any more pain. I told him that I missed him, and that I loved him. When we got to the clinic, I asked the receptionist if there was any way to avoid going into the same room that we were in with Jake, and they were great--so understanding and caring. I did cry some, because of the memories, still so fresh and painful, but I was able to get through it. With the exception of his ears and infection, we were told that Bailey was healthy and looked great--he is growing well, and he sure is eating well! (We found Bailey on the side of the road near our new house, loaded with fleas, and very dehydrated--he may have been about 4 weeks old--just skin and bones--you could see and count his ribs--and we didn't think he would get so big). So, Jake's boy is okay..(we found out that Jake would frequently visit the female cat near where we found Bailey, and, Bailey looks just like him--markings, color, and not to mention the personality). Thanks again so much to you all...your support and encouragement has helped more than you will ever know.

Take care,
Sandi

ps-Sidney's buddy--thank you. I am sorry for your loss as well. I am glad to know that "Little Orange Boy" has been able to comfort and help someone like it has helped me. My thoughts and prayers are with you--as I know what you are feeling also.

I'm so glad for you that things went well. I took the new dog in yesterday to get her checked out and it was the first time I'd been there since putting Sadie to sleep and then collecting her ashes, and I found myself thinking of you and how you were holding up on your trip.

Megan

Megan,

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Like I said, I did cry a little--and the flashbacks were rough. I knew that I wouldn't have held up so well if we had been in the same room as we were with Jake.

Bailey is back to being himself--his ears look SO much better , and he cannot get enough of his mama's lap....

How are you? I hope the new dog is able to help comfort you at this time. I will be thinking of you.

Sandi

Sandi,

Thank you for the kind thoughts. I completely understand the room issue. By now I don't think there's a room there that I didn't end up crying in at some point, so I deliberately tried not to remember which bit of bad news I'd gotten in the room I was in. Zillia, the new pup, is definitely a handful (I was in the shower last night, heard a crash, and discovered my 'timid, frightened, slow to warm up' dog sitting on top of the kitchen table smiling and wagging her tail), but in her own odd ways she does help-- at least when I'm not threatening to haul her right back to the shelter .

I'm so glad for you that Bailey is looking and feeling better.

Megan

Megan,

Thank you. Thanks for the laugh, too1 I am picturing what that scene must have been! I know what you mean...Bailey is back to his old self--and his "brither" Fritzie-Waffles (Todd went to get some food and litter for Bailey, saw this little devil and thought that Bailey needed a friend--he was right--BUT..OMG!)
Fritzie-Waffles gets into EVERYTHING--including plastic bags that he got stuck in (around his belly) kitty looked like he was wearing a skirt--and, the other day he got his nose stuck in the treat jar....so that is a help and a comfort right there.

Speaking of which, I heard something crash, so I had better go see what he has destroyrd this time...lol...take care,

Sandi