Two nights running now I cannot sleep. It's been 27 days since I had Maggie put to sleep. She'd been sick since Xmas, and stupid me didn't notice her weight loss. I took her to the vet and he said she was dying, and that I would soon have to make the decision about ending it. She had been vomiting for two months, and I actually thought she was being naughty! Now the guilt is killing me, along with missing her. She slept with me every night and now sleep is empty. She was about 14, since she was a stray. Nobody I know understands my pain, and I'm a "tough, macho" guy who doesn't cry. Well, I'm crying plenty these days, and the pain is terrible. Than's enough ranting. I know you guys understand, even though my GF doesn't. Thanks.

Maggie's Dad,

Don't beat yourself up. We tend to overlook the signs when we don't know something is wrong. I did the same with my 7 1/2 old lab. He had been throwing up in the weeks and probably months leading up to him dying. I just thought he had overeaten or eaten our other dog's food and he wasn't able to digest it properly. He got really sick on a Wed and I had to put him down the next day. It was a total shock. This was 6 weeks ago and I still cry, in fact I did on my way in to work today. I miss him still. The pain has changed though, but the missing him part has not. And sometimes, the guilt of not noticing that he was changing, even though it was so subtle, makes me even more sad. I sometimes think if I had just taken him in to be checked out, maybe he could have been saved. All it really does is make me feel worse. Nothing will bring him back now. I need to learn and so do you, to stop beating yourself up about it.
Even big, macho guys can cry over losing their bestfriend, so don't feel bad doing so.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I too didn't notice that anything was wrong with Sidney. He lost a pound before I knew that something was wrong. Due to something else I had a full blood workup done on him 4 months before he died and it did not pick up any potential problems. I know how terrible the "what ifs" can be. Now I'm trying to stay away from there. It won't help.

I'm having a hard time with plenty of people who think that I should be more macho in my approch to this situation, but I still miss my friend so much and every day I lose control of myself many times. You are not alone and if people don't understand your feelings then the problem lies with them.

Good luck and sorry for your loss.

Hi (((((Maggie's Dad)))))

I'm sorry to hear about your precious girl Maggie . I'm sorry that you had to find a pet-grief site at all -- but, I am glad that you came here. I can guarantee you that EVERY SINGLE PERSON here understands your pain!!

Man or woman ---- We all cry. We're all human, and crying is a natural emotion.

Right now you are grieving a huge loss, and the tears you shed will help you to heal. Please don't hold them back -- they will come out eventually.

Always know that your sweet Maggie is with you in your heart, and she thanks you for giving her the gift of peace.....

Wishing you comfort & peace,

Denise

Of course you are heartbroken and thats ok my husband many people ask is he some kind of mountain man LOL big burly type guy and when our Tillie died he just about passed out. We did not have to make the diffucult decision many here have to make Tillie died at the hospital no one expected it.

Our furbabies are a part of our soul and in many cases they are loved as much if not more than another human. We don't tell our spouses or family that that seems to be something we keep to ourselves and when that special little one is gone our heart breaks. And for me I don't give a rip if anyone understand it around me I know what I feel I KNOW what I have lost and what I miss about my Tillie and if they don't like how I feel then they need to find a way to deal with it cause I'm busy dealing coping and accepting grieving the HUGE void in my life that is as deep and empty as it can possibly be. Hummm been about 10 weeks maybe I am in the anger stage I don't know but you loved Maggie for many years you miss Maggie now and will for many years if not forever . You had to make a very hard decision in Maggies best intreast which is heartbreaking and if totally blows my mind that people don't get it?

I am sorry for your loss I am also sorry you have this terrible pain within you time does change the pain they say heal I say it CHANGES. At first it felt for me like somone stuck their foot in my stomach and did not take it out then it moved to my heart felt like it hurt now the pain is different and at this time I can't find the words for it but it is not a physical hurt maybe a emotional hurt. Please take care

Tillies mom

I agree with the others. Don't feel the guilt about not knowing that sweet Maggie was ill. In the wild, animals mask their illnesses or frailties well - it is a matter of survival to not show the vulnerability. By the time they do show it, they have probably been ill for quite a while.

Of course you are going to grieve. That is normal. You loved this little soul and spent years with you. You shared good and bad times with her and she was more loyal a friend than many humans. The pain will eventually subside. Grieve her, but try to lose the guilt. It serves no useful purpose.

She knew she was loved. You knew you were loved. In the end, that is all that really matters. In time, you will remember that because the good times you both shared are as real as this recent grief. You just haven't reached there yet, because it is so recent.

Hey Bro!

I’m one of those “tough, macho” guys’s who doesn't cry either. Yeah, right; I’ve been balling like a baby since yesterday that my eyes hurt.

I can relate to the blame game since that’s where I’m currently at as well. Wish I had some insightful wisdom to part on you regarding Maggie but I simply don’t; it’s way too fresh for me to even comprehend the whole situation. What I can tell you is that from one tough macho guy to another, you can rest assured that I COMPLETLY understand EXACTLY what you’re going through!!

Moreover, sleep depravation is not going to help the situation at all. My Smurf use to sleep with me as well and what helped me get through last night was to sleep on the couch. It was just way too hard for me to sleep in the same room with his smell still lingering in the air. Though I didn’t sleep very well, I did get some much needed rest.

May tonight be filled with much needed rest and comforting dreams of your sweet dear Maggie.

Take care,
-Scott

Thanks guys. I'm trying to use all of your advice. This is one of the worst things I've ever had to go through, and I've been through a bit. Thankyou all for your support.

Maggie's dad (who is still heartbroken and cannot sleep)

Yep, I dont think I've cried so often since I was a baby.
Four days now and I will just start bawlin' a few times a day.

Just so sad...

Fortunately, the people I work with and am friends with do "get it", and have been very comforting...and just giving me my space as they see fit.

To Maggie's Dad,

I have a biker friend that gave his cat mouth to mouth-nose until they got to the vets and then broke down when his cat passed away. He was a "cat's belong outside" kinda guy until he met his girlfriend and now they have 4 indoor furfriends. He brought 2 of them home himself. It has been wonderful to watch the tranformation.

As far as Maggie being a stray, they are simply the best. That is from experience.

It has been about four years since my friend lost her cat and she still weeps. They are meant to stay in our hearts forever. Now we talk about him with happy memories and that is good.

I hope with each passing day, that there are good memories to replace the bad and with each day passing you will find forgiveness with yourself. I think sometimes we are so afraid to face our fears that we choose not to face our fears. And that comes from personal experience.

Take care and maybe put somehing kinda heavy at the foot of your bed for now. I don't know if this will help you sleep but it can't hurt.