My little Wiinie is now gone. I can't stop crying. I can't eat, and when I went to bed last night I went to get her and remembered she was no longer here. This was a routine for 14 years. Does the hurt get any easier? This may sound crazy but my father just passed away too in feburary and This hurt just as bad if not more. She has listened to all my problems and I have flooded the top of her head with my tears for many years and she just sat and continued to let me do it.
Most of the times when I was through her little 3 pound body and apple head would lick my face until all the tears were gone. I used to call her my little mama. yesturday It was time to say good bye.Winnie took her last loving look at me and saw a stream of tears rolling off my face, she reached up as I held her close and licked my chin as if she was cleaning my face of tears for the last time and then her body went limp. What am I going to do without her. How does anyone ever get through this. I think of not ever being able to talk to her or touch her ever again and I just ball my eyes out.

When decisions are made from a place of love they can never be wrong.

Our hearts let us know it is time to let them go and then our heads take over and start punishing us.

It is a long hard journey we are taking through grief, some at the begining like yourself, some at the end, or maybe there is no end just a reluctant acceptance that life must go on.

Cry your tears freeley they are healing you and should not be stopped let out the hurt and the pain it will eventually ease.

Love Sue

I can feel the love you have for your sweet Winnie ~ I am so sorry for your loss and want you to know that you are not alone ~ This journey of grief we share with one another ~ the good thing is that with fellow travellers the shadows are not so long and the darkness not so black and empty ~ My heart goes out to you ~ It is totally normal for you to feel so lost and sad ~ I still do ~ and always will in many ways ~ as the losses of my pets have left me forever changed ~ yet the vindication of their deaths is that I have gained a greater capacity to care ~ it seems that the depth to which we feel pain is the depth to which we can feel the joy and love of life as well ~ May God Bless You and May you find peace in the days ahead ~ Sincere Thoughts ~ Kathryn

I am so, so, sorry about your Winnie. After losing Jake, I felt the same way. I have shared previously a story about "Little Orange Boy" that was given to me from a friend from this site, and the following is a poem that was also given to me when I was at my lowest..when I questioned whether or not my fiance and I did the right thing. The author is unknown. The poem is called, "If I Should Grow Frail"

"If I Should Grow Frail"

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain does keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done?
For this, the last battle, cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand.
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer, so,
When the time comes, please, let me go.

Take me to where my needs they'll tend,
Only, please stay with me until the end,
And hold me close and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.

Although my tail its last has waived,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.

Don't grieve now that it must now be you
Who has to decide this thing to do.

We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.


Your Winnie will ALWAYS be with you. God bless you. I will be praying for you.

Sandi

I just love that poem that Sandi posted, it never fails to make me cry, yet it never fails to remind me that I did what I did out of love and nothing less .
I also wanted to just say that you WILL see your Winnie again, and then you will never have to say goodbye again. Here is one of my favorite pieces when it comes to dogs and Heaven..

An Old Man and His Dog

An old man and his dog were walking down a dirt road with fences on both sides. They came to a gate in the fence and looked in. It was nice, with grassy, woodsy areas — just what a hunting dog and man would like — but it had a big sign saying No Trespassing, so they walked on.

They came to a beautiful gate with a person in white robes standing there.

“Welcome to Heaven,” the robed man said. The old man was happy and started in with his dog following him.

The gatekeeper stopped him.

“Dogs aren’t allowed. I’m sorry, but he can’t come with you.”

“What kind of Heaven won’t allow dogs?” the old man said. “If he can’t come in, then I will stay out here with him. He’s been my faithful companion all his life. I can’t desert him now.”

“Suit yourself,” the gatekeeper said. “But I have to warn you, the Devil’s on this road and he’ll try to sweet talk you into his area. He’ll promise you anything, but the dog can’t go there either. If you won’t leave the dog, you’ll spend Eternity on this road.”

So the old man and his dog went on. They came to a rundown fence with a gap in it — no gate, just a hole. Another old man was inside.

“Excuse me, sir. My dog and I are getting mighty tired. Mind if we come in and sit in the shade for a while?”

“Come on in,” the man said. “There’s some cold water under that tree over there. Make yourselves comfortable.”

“You’re sure my dog can come in? The man down the road said dogs weren’t allowed anywhere.”

“Would you come in if you had to leave the dog?”

“No, sir. That’s why I didn’t go to Heaven. He said the dog couldn’t come in. We’ll be spending Eternity on this road, and a glass of cold water and some shade would be mighty fine right about now. But I won’t come in if my buddy here can’t come too, and that’s final.”

The man smiled a big smile and said, “Welcome to Heaven.”

“You mean this is Heaven? Dogs are allowed? How come that fellow down the road said they weren’t?”

"That was the Devil, and he gets all the people who are willing to give up a lifelong companion for a comfortable place to stay. They soon find out their mistake, but then it’s too late. The dogs come here, the fickle people stay there. God wouldn’t allow dogs to be banned from Heaven. After all, He created them to be man’s companions in life. Why would He separate them in death?”

—Found on the Internet by Carroll Brown; Reprinted in APLB Newsletter, Spring 1999


I hope this can bring you even the smallest bit of comfort......

Losing a really special pet is surely the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with in my life. One thing that keeps me going through the grieving process is to continually ask myself if the pain that I am now experiencing is more than compensated for by the years of fun and love that my little buddy gave me. I think that the answer will ALWAYS be yes.

I'm sure that if you ask yourself the same question about Winnie that the answer will be the same as mine. It sure is special and wonderful to have a tight bond with a little furry critter. They all made our lives so much more wonderful.

I hope that the poem and story posted here help you feel better. They helped me. My buddy died three weeks ago today and it has gotten slightly easier to deal with. Of course I still miss him dearly, and I think that I always will, but with help from people here I am starting to regain a slight amount of control over my life.

I hope that you start to feel a little better soon.

Just went through the same exact thing 3 days ago. All I can say is keep crying. I was hysterical the first day, semi-hysterical the second day & today I'm just cried out for the moment. The crying really helps & heals....thank goodness we have that ability otherwise our sorrow would be trapped.

My baby was with me for 11 years, went through my Dad's sudden death with me too & a divorce.

So far this has helped me...crying, looking at her photo's, staying in my routine, praying, and yesterday I really had an urge to have some sort of memorial service for her......so I lit a candle for her & wrote (carved) on it...."I love you & miss you like crazy...love mommy". I asked my angels to give her this message. I felt like maybe this was hokey....but oddly enough this little votive candle burned for like 9 hours & it's only got a burn time of 2 hours! Kinda weird. I also woke up this morning with this thought...."Daisy got your message & DOES understand...she is a free soul & is not trapped by dog physicalities anymore." OK....so I'm like....where the heck did that come from? Anyway, I swear I'm not a lunatic...and this really happened.

Hang in there.....and I'm here for you if you need me.

My Daisy also used to lick my face when I cried about anything in life. It makes me so sad knowing that she would not want me to suffer so much at her passing and would do anything she could to comfort me, if only she could be here for a moment.

I can't offer any words of advice since my grief is so new, but it did help me to see that I am not alone in my feelings. Perhaps that knowledge can help you too.


Daisy's Mommy

The pain you feel of your loss of Winnie shows how strong and true your connection was. May the pain lessen with time as the grief process continues, to be replaced with the good memories that will always keep Winnie in your heart.

My Crystal has been gone 11 days now. She left me April 6 at 8:45am. I was hysterical for the first 5 days, but I made a huge step in the healing process and stopped blaming myself by the 6th day. I still cry and have complete "melt downs" sometimes, but nothing as intense as I was. THE PAIN IS DEFINATELY STILL THERE!! At first, I not only couldn't eat, but everytime I thought about her, I threw up. The worst feeling now is the lonliness without my sweet cuddly baby. I also had the joy of spending 14 wonderful years with her. She also became my comfort in times of sadness and was more than happy to wash away my tears. It is so hard to accept that they are gone. I WANT SO BADLY TO HOLD HER AGAIN! I am sure you feel the same.

My stages of healing so far....I felt the guilt of "why didn't I take her on more walks and maybe she would not have gotten heart disease or the murmur." Then I felt angry, "why was she taken from me!" Then I blamed myself, "why didn't I take her to more specialist when she got sick!" I still don't have answers for myself, but in the last 11 days, I have come to realize that I did everything I could have done. (She quit eating 2 months earlier and I fed her food and water by syringe every hour around the clock.) It was just her time to go and she was more willing to accept it than I was.

A friend who also lost both of her parents said that losing her canine companion was as hard if not harder on her because she didn't see her parents every day. Her parents didn't depend on her for food and shelter. The canine relationship is one of co-dependence because they need you for survival and in return you are given great joy and a feeling of need.

I cannot give you any guidence beyond my 11 days. I am also still grieving and having difficulty coping and getting used to the idea that I cannot ever hold or touch her. My 6 year old said, "Mom, I don't like this place Heaven, You don't come back from there." We have since read a few books on heaven and she now understands that Crystal is happy, healthy, and running again, but I am still stuck back at the statement, you don't come back from there. I want to just hold her and look in her eyes again. Like you, I want to touch her and stroke her fur and have her roll on her back so I can scratch her belly. <here come tears again>

I have found great comfort from all the support here at LS. I really helps to hear that we are not alone. Keep crying. Keep writing. Keep talking to her and letting her know how much you miss her.

Thankyou everyone for the kind words. It has been 5 long weeks now, things are better but the crying continues . I try to think of all the good times we shared and keep my self busy. I keep her adorable picture on my desk and she has this little expression like don't be sad mom we will always be together in our hearts. I have to believe that I will see her again, I Know I will. What helps me is knowing that when you go to heaven there are no dieases, no one suffers and everyone is happy. I found a poem on the internet that helped me see this. The next time I come on I will post it. Thanks again every one. My heart also goes out to all. This is a wonderful healing forum. GOD bless every one and our little children. I am a contractor and I spealize in tile and marble. I am making a little heart shaped head stone and it wil read....WINNIE WINNIE......THE HARDEST THING TO DO WA SAY GOOD BYE...THE EASIEST WAS LOVING YOU.