Hi,

I took my cat Libby to have a dental on Wednesday. She's not too old but her teeth were quite bad, and I was worried as she was having difficulty chewing her food, but asides that she was fine.

Anyway I gave her no food from the night before as the vet told me, so that morning she was meowing for her breakfast which I didn't give her, then I put her in her basket which she didn't like. She cried all the way to the vets and I didn't say goodbye as I thought she'd be coming home that evening. The vet phoned me about midday and told me Libby was gone. She'd got through the surgery but had had a heart attack as she came round and they couldn't revive her. It felt so wrong, so unreal, just not right that this was happening.

Even though I had done everything - opted for all the expensive anethetics and blood tests she still didn't make it.

I feel so guilty, because she could be here right now, and because I'm afraid she felt I had abandoned her, I'm afraid she felt I had betrayed her. I'm worried she was scared when she died.

I miss how she insisted she had to sleep on me all night, how she'd tell me what colour she was ("what colour are you Libby?" - "Brrown!") and how she'd sit on my shoulder like a parrot, and how she'd nibble my chin when she wanted attention.
I miss her so much.

Jenne, I am so sorry for your loss of Libby. I am sure that it was a terrible shock to you, and it hurts deeply. Just know that you were being a good mom to her, and doing what you should have been doing to care for her properly. I am sure she knows this! You obviously had a great bond between you two, and that will never go away. It is totally understandable (and normal) to feel guilt but know that she is in a better place and she KNOWS how much you love her and did your best to care for her. I am still dealing with tremendous amounts of grief after losing my 'kids' it takes a long time. It seems to me that more you love eachother, the longer it takes to heal. Try to take comfort in the fact that you had such a special bond with your kitty.
It is terrible when we think we have covered all the bases with our vets. I just lost my yellow nape amazon parrot, Huey. I knew it was always a possibility, but I surely didnt think she would die. I told the vet to do whatever was needed, dont take any shortcuts because I want my bird healthy and happy at the end. But unfortunately, Huey still did not make it (through something I was certain she should have). No matter what we do, sometimes it doesnt work out. I dont know if this is truly God's plan, but there must be a reason we just dont understand right now. Im sure we will understand when we cross that bridge too. You are a great mom, and Libby would thank you for the great care you provided for her!

Jenne,

Though no real words can make the pain and hurt of loosing a furbaby any easier (I just lost my baby Screech on Monday due to heart failure/disease) you can take some comfort in knowing that there are others who understand what you are going through and are here to support you. My baby graced my life for 14 years and and I still don't know how I am going to get through each day without him. I sometimes feels that others expect me to move on and stop grieving for him but as with humans the grieving process for a pet takes time. You are grieving because you loved Libby. I know that it is hard but try to remember the good times that you had with her and keep those in you heart. I can't tell you when, but it will get better.

I had to laugh when you mentioned that Libby liked to sit on your shoulder, My Screech liked to do the same thing!! He also had a fetish for dragging paper work out of my office and bringing it to the bedroom door every morning as "presents" (I can't seem to stop looking for those offerings in the morning). If you ever need to talk don't hesitate to e-mail me at steelersrox@hotmail.com

Always~

Tiffany (Screech's Mom)

You are the third person here at LS who has recently lost a kitty due to anesthesia. First, Chris lost Fig during a heart workup that required anesthesia, then, Joanna lost Louie while he was being neutered, now your sweet libby . This, in my opinion, would be the hardest type of loss to deal with, so my heart really goes out to you. You ( along with Chris and Joanna) were only doing what you needed to do to be a responsible, loving owner. You cannot blame yourself for what happenned when you were doing it out of pure love and concern for her well being. I try to put myself in your shoes ( which in reality I could never imagine), and I know I would torture myself with the guilt of my decision and somehow make it my fault that my kitty was gone, but the truth of the matter is that thoughts like that are our minds way of trying to find answers, and trying to find someone to blame for our loss. Fact of the matter is that sometimes things just happen that are out of our control and they are no one's fault. You should never feel guilt for being such a good mommy to your Libby. Lets look at it from the flip side. Lets say that you didn't take Libby in to get her teeth cleaned. I don't think people really understand the importance of dental hygiene for their pets. A bad mouth in an animal can cause liver failure, kidney failure, and heart failure (among many other problems), and is more often the cause than people even know. If your Libby would have ended up with one of these fatal diseases due to something you could have prevented, you would really hate yourself for that...right? So since we don't have crystal balls, we can only do what we know we have to do for our furbabies good health. To deny them good medical care because of our fears is only selfish to them. You did the right thing, and your Libby left this world because it was her time to go, and that was the way in which she was meant to go....otherwise it wouldn't have happenned that way. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here...it's so hard trying to convey certain feelings via computer. Please be easy on yourself, and know that your Libby wasn't scared when she died, I'm very sure that she was still sedated when she passed (although they say she was coming around, it takes at least an hour after they wake up to be truly coherant) and didn't even know what had happenned. I'm truly sorry for your loss.
Your friend in grief,
Kim

Jenne,
I am very sorry for the loss of your Libby. It's so sad. I hope it gets easier day by day and eventually the grief will be less painful, replaced instead by wonderful memories of your little girl.

Thinking about you and your loss.

m.

Thank you all so much for your words, the last few days have been so hard, but I feel better reading what you guys have said, and reading the other posts from those who've lost their babies in a similar way, I don't feel so alone.

We buried Libby in the garden, near the tree she sat in in the summer. I planted some violas there today, with little orange bibs, the colour of my baby (she was white and ginger/brown). I also read out this Christian memorial I found:
In Memory Of Pets

This helped, but I know its going to take time, thanks for your support.