Well, here I am the night before I go into the hospital to have a c-section for my second human child and I am up at 3:45am thinking about my boy Parker. I have had such a hard time today about him. He passed 6 months ago and I will never be okay again. This should be such a happy time, but I don't want to celebrate it without him. It is also hard for me to have such a huge event in my life that he is not present for.......I think it is a sign of moving on and I don't want to move on ever. This will be the first life event that he isn't here for.....I can't believe it. Also, I can't believe I am bringing someone into my life who has never and will never know Parker. I pray that his strength is with me tomorrow and I try and just think that his spirit and energy will be in this little girl and in me always.....but selfishly that is all crap, I just want him here physically!!! I want to be worrying about leaving him with a pet sitter and worrying about him mauling me when I walk back in the door after the surgery. I want to worry about how he will take another baby and coddling him so he knows he's always number one. But, I can't do any of that.....I just have to hope that what they say is true....that he is up there swimming and running and too busy to even think about us down here. My god I love him. I will never love another in the same way. I will never grieve another in the same way. My little human girl will be named after him, her name will be Maili Parker and I hope in some way that brings a little of his spirit and personality into her. Thanks all for listening and wish me luck and if anybody has an "in" up there.....let my boy know he is always my number one. I love you Parker.

Parker's Mom,
Kerry

Hi Kerry, good luck this afternoon you must let us know all about it, and say hi to Maili Parker from all of us.

Keep allert for little signs, im sure Parker wouldnt miss this for the world, he'll be there with you, its ok to feel sad but its ok to be excited too, we all feel for some reason that we have to be sad for forever but we dont.

DONT feel guilty for being happy its ok to be happy while your grieving, it really is.

OH and can we have a pic or your non fur baby shes part of the family too.

Love Sue

Kerry,

First off, good luck this afternoon. The birth of a new baby is something to celebrate and be happy about, no matter what. Congratulations.

With that said, and I say this out of support and knowing and feeling the loss of a very special dog that is no longer in my life. I had to put my first baby down a month ago. There was a time when I thought he would be my only baby. However, I have twin 15 month olds, and I must say, life without Kasey would be unbearable if I did not have them. I take solice that I have them. My dtr too, is named after my dog, Erin Kasey. While I miss him terribly, I do not short change my children. They need they love, support and caring. Especally a newborn. I hope it is your grief talking when you say you can not be happy about this new baby in your life. He can still be there with you, help you celebrate. I know, we all want our fur babies with us physically, but of course, that is impossible. Please do not short change what he is/was to you by focusing on him and not this new beginning in your life. If he was that special to you, he would want you to be happy and love your children like you loved him. His love was unconitional, just like a mother's love for her child.

Mary

Kerry,
Good luck and congratulations on the birth of Maili Parker. What a beautiful name for whom I know is a beautiful person already. I sure hope she inherits her mom's love of animals. I disagree with you about Parker. I think he has time to think about his family he left behind. I believe he anxiously awaits the arrival of his namesake. Though she never physically will have known him, Maili will know the love Parker left behind. Through you she will know.
Again congratulations and may the luck of the Irish be with you on this St. Patrick's day.

Kerry,

Congrats on the new baby! (My bday was yesterday!)
I hope this finds mom and baby doing fine.

Parker is there with you in spirit....watching over you both. You know he could not miss such an important day.

Such a beautiful name you have picked out for your little girl......

"My god I love him. I will never love another in the same way. I will never grieve another in the same way."

I have said those same words and I mean them as well. My Kurby has been gone 7 wks tomorrow and it feels just like yesterday. I am better on the outside but the inside aches so much. This type of hurt will never go away. I am sure of it.

Best wishes to you and your litte one. I will say a prayer for your Parker tonight when I pray for Kurby.

Tanya

I also love the name for the new baby !!!!!!!!

I hope all is well with you and well we do understand all the pain of events going on without our loved furbabies. I am dreading spring coming how dare it come and get nice out and Tillie is not here!!!! But I really think Parker Tillie and all the rest are with us and see us and protect us. Parker will be there to watch his name sake grow and prosper and protect this new life. Maybe this sounds crazy but I think that they have a purpose on the other side and maybe this is Parkers purpose.

It don't help us all the time I want her here in my house alive and well but it is not to be I guess. 9 weeks and still having trouble moving forward go through all the motions but seems like the hurt takes over too. But you have a special gift in this new baby and please remember maybe some hormones are acting up right now .

Teach her about Parker and what a special gift she has in using his name.

Tillie

I hope all is well with you and your second child. Maili Parker will know Parker from the love that you give her. Teach her to love animals the way you do.

Good luck and congrats!

Chris