I just lost my baby boy screech on Monday. I took him in to the vet on saturday because he quit eating, became very lethargic and had difficulty breathing. I was informed by the doctor that he was in the final stages of heart failure. I couldn't beleive it!! in the 14 years that I had him he never had so much as a cold! I asked the doctor what we could do and very quietly she told me that the only thing we could do for him was put him down. If we tried any treatments his heart would give out because it was so weak. Without my husband there I collapsed, and really don't remember the rest of the visit. I brought him home with me and spent one last weekend with him. on Monday evening my husband and I took him to the vet. The car ride there he was almost his old self again. I started questioning my decision (and still do). I held him and told him that I loved him and wished that by some maracle he would survive the injection but he didn't. I was there for his last breath and he went to sleep for the last time. everyone asks how I could stay in the room with him and I simply reply that screech was always there for me to show me love when I was sick, hurt or sad and I would be there for him. my husband and I lost it on tuesday adn began to feel sguilty because we could not save him. everyone tells me that it was the right decision and in a way I know that they are right but I want to be selfish right now and I want him with me. I miss him so much that I have to force myself to close my eyes or look at the ceiling when I walk up the stairs because if I don't, I look for him and when I can't find him I lose it all over again. I even found a little tuff of fur that I picked up and placed in my jewerly box to keep. I am having a very hard time right now coming to terms with the fact that he is not here anymore. I hope that by placing this post I can start to heal (if only a little bit). I have read so many other posts for the furkids who have passed on and it gives me hope that someday I won't feels this immense hole in my heart.

Please tells me it gets better because right now I don't thing it will.

I am so sorry to hear of you loss, it hurts and feeling guilty is normal, I know I did, and still do, but what you did was the kindest thing.

Dying of heart failure isn't a nice thing but there isn't anything anyone can do, the heart just wears out. I know I would have offered part of mine, heck she had a good part of it anyway. MY little Misty was having similar issues, she hadn't stopped eatting but started to have a hard time getting up to the bed and couch, her favorite places. She wet her bed one night, a sign my vet told me of neurological problems, also her kidneys were probably shutting down her urine was so weak there was no color or smell when she peed. So I put her down so she could die with diginity. I didn't want to come home and find her dead not knowing if she suffered or struggled. I got to be with her and hold her and reassure her. She knew she was going on to a better place. As THEPETLOSS AUTHOR put it in one of his articles he posted on here, " They (animals) are not creatures with souls, but are eternal souls given temporary bodies"
Screeh is fine on the other side, he misses you no doubt, but his soul is strong without a old bosy to slow it down.

Somehow I find comfort in that. I know Misty is okay, I miss her and cry most nights, it's all part of that grief process. I can't tell you how long it will take or what you will feel or when you will feel it, but most people go through all the stages of grief... in their own time.

Feel what you need to and know you have support here. Again I am sorry that you lost Screech, somehow their lifespans are never long enough.

PAtti

Thank you for your kind words and support. I hope things get better but it is just still too raw right now. It is really hard to accept the fact that I will never be able to cuddle up to him and kiss him the way I used to. I know that he is better now and that he is healthy and spunky the way he used to be. heck I even feel that he is up in heaven right now dragging paperwork all over like he used to here. But that still doesn't ease my hurt any. I guess that is just the selfish side of me. My mother in law's cats (especially his "girlfriend" Emmie) are feeling the loss also so I know that grief and heartache is felt by all of God's creatures. Finding this site is helping, being able to write my feelings down and express them without getting too choked up to go on as I do when someone asks how I'm doing.

the pain that I am feeling won't end soon, I know that, but I know that I am feeling this pain because I loved him so much and he loved me just as much.

I will keep you and Misty and all of the other furbabies who have passed, in my prayers.

Always in my heart - Screech (aka the screechers, the booper kitty, boop and mamma's little boy) March 13th 2006.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm very sorry and again we all understand your pain. Some days I wake up and just can't imangine why my Tillie is not here and how can I do another day without her but I do and so will you but with a heavy heart. I also many yrs ago about 12 had to put down my shep mix Sheba she too was in heart failure very much like Screech she had stopped eating could not go to the bathroom without us carrying her would not stand or walk and I knew it was time. Well we loaded her in the Jeep drove to the vets well...... we get there and to this day I remember she stood jumped out of the Jeep walked into the vets got on the scale walked into the room . I was very unsure at that point as what to do.

But then she collapsed on the floor her breathing was very shallow and the dr said there was nothing more to do for her. But over the years I have thought she was happy to go on home she knew her body was done and it was time our pets have no fear of death cause I think they know something we don't because they are supeior souls without the judgements we have. But for my Tillie it has been 8 weeks and I have NOT come to a place of understanding or peace yet I hurt and I hurt big time just like I did 12 yrs ago when I lost Sheba but I do think in time I will be better so for the hurt it's ok to hurt we love them so deeply why would it not hurt?

Tillie

Our Pushkin just died on Thursday night and this is the part that I'm finding horrificly difficult. He was my baby. He waited at the door every day when I got home from work and would not be satisfied until he was picked up and snuggled, cuddled like a baby--with me he preferred the "baby about to be burped" hold that let him put his paws on my shoulder and he could look around, with my husband he wanted to be held upside down like a little football.

He also attacked our toes every morning.

Getting home from work was impossibly hard yesterday. I cried at the curb thinking about getting into a cab with his limp little body wrapped in my husband's jacket. I cried in the hallway thinking about how we'd take walks down the hall together for fun every other day. I keep crying in the apartment thinking of all the favourite places he had, where he normally slept, where he liked to wait for us to hunt our toes down. I keep expecting to hear his little footsteps coming down the stairs--thump, thump, thump, thump--coming over to greet us. I keep listening for them and they are not there. And that is making my heart break anew every 5 mintues.

How are you dealing with your loss? What are you doing to distract yourself from the pain? Is there anything that can help this? It's so awful. I miss him so much. And more than anything I feel so bad that he won't get to go on living. He deserved to have a long and happy life and it was so, so short.

My baby Smooshie. I would give anything, everything I have to get him back.

"He was my baby. He waited at the door every day when I got home from work and would not be satisfied until he was picked up and snuggled, cuddled like a baby--with me he preferred the "baby about to be burped" hold that let him put his paws on my shoulder and he could look around"

My Screech used to do the same thing .


I really can't tell you how I am dealing with losing Screech because I really don't know. every day is different for me. Yesterday was a good day for me and I was able to remember the good times and even laugh a little but today is really bad. Just a week ago I was bringing him home from the vets knowing that in two days time I would have to say good bye to him. There are times (more often than not) that I can't deal with it and I find myself hysterically crying, asking myself why did he have to go and dealing with the guilt of having to put him down. It really helps to come to this site and write down what I am feeling. It helps to get it all out. I miss my baby so much but I also know that he is up in heaven waiting for me and that he is not in pain any more. Remember the good times you have with Pushkin and know that he is not in any pain (heck maybe him and Screech are up in heaven right now creating havoc!!) Just remember that Pushkin will always be in your heart. Make sure that you allow your self time to grieve and don't hold it in. I know it is not much, it is helping me.

keep your head up and your furbaby in your heart always.
If you ever need to talk just e-mail me at steelersrox@hotmail.com, I will keep you and pushkin in my prayers.

I'm so sorry you're having a bad day today. I'm in the same boat today actually. The morning started out okay but it went downhill quickly.

I'm having the same experience with the bad day/good day. Except right now it's more like bad hour/good hour.

Coincidentally I took Pushkin to the vet last week too. I took him in for shots. Our vet said that he was as close to a perfect kitty as she'd ever seen. That was really hard to think about today.

Screech sounds like he was such a great kitty. Thank you for thinking about us, I'm doing the same about you and your little guy.

I think most of us have an idea how you feel. It does get better as time goes by and you learn to cope with the loss in your own way. There may always be a hole in your heart where Screech used to be, but the pain will diminish. One thing that should help is the fact that you both gave Screech a wonderful life there, full of love and caring. Think of how lucky Screech was compared to so many neglected animals out there.

Talk to your family members about your feelings. Start a memory book or, like I did, make a tribute webpage for Screech. I hope you find peace and acceptance with time. Until then, treat yourself kindly. Don't expect friends to understand your intense emotions. They probably won't. Give yourself the gift of time to recover from the trauma of your loss and know that you did all you could to show your love for Screech.

Misty was one who wasn't so much for cuddling, but was always near. I miss just her quiet presence in my life. She use to bark at night when she wanted treats or my attention, and do her little dance. If she was lyin beside you and you said her name she would flip her head over and look at you upside down... goofy dog. It's those little things I miss. Her dancin when I got home and such, no one can replace that.

Funniest thing though, last night I heard the tags on her collar coming up the hallway. She was there, just checking on me. I told her to go and play. I was fine... but to come visit again if she needed to... and the jiggling stopped. I know she worries about me, she always did, more about me than herself... silly girl.

I hope she visits again, I found it really comforting.

PAtti

(((HUGS))) I honestly believe that the guilt is worse than anything after you have to make such a tough decision. Especially when it's a sudden decision. I'm sure there's not a person here who's made the decision who hasn't felt guilty afterwards. I finally stopped beating myself up a week or so later when the vet called me with mysweet Frankie's brain pathology results. She even admitted to me that she had secretly wished I hadn't made the decision to put him down but after seeing his results knew from a pet owner's standpoint and from a vet standpoint that it was absolutely, positively the right thing to do.

It's part of your responsibility as a pet owner to make sure you do the very best for your pet. For 14 years you did the very best to preserve your pet's life. As difficult as it seems, you mustn't beat yourself up over this. I do recall, after the 6 months we've been through, how raw and fresh it is when it just happens. I promise that time DOES make it better. I'm not sure the pain ever really goes away as it's only been 6 months for us. But it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as it did in the beginning. Guilt is a part of grieving and it's natural to feel that way. But please know you did do the right thing for your pet and for yourself.

I've had a lot of people tell me they don't understand how I could be with my dog when I had him put to sleep either. But like you, it was the *only* choice I had and if I had to do it over, I'd be there again. I held him as he drifted off to sleep and just as he was about to take his last breath (he'd been TOTALLY unresponsive) he looked up at me with his big brown eyes as if to say "it's ok, I'll be fine! You are doing the right thing!" and at that moment, I knew that he knew I'd done my very best.

I sit here now with tears in my eyes and with a heavy heart remembering the pain and knowing how its hurting you.

Please know that there are great people here who will help you. I've been busy with work and don't get to post nearly as often as I'd like.

Take care, sweetie.

Julie

Hi screechthesteelerkitty,

First I'm so sorry for your loss. You story sounds just like mine. I lost my boy Rocky cat 2 months ago to the day due to heart failure. He was 13, seemed fine but then symptoms came on suddenly. Within 2 days I had to put him down.
It will get better but it takes time. Every day little by little you get through it and the memories are what keep you going. After 2 months it's still difficult to talk about him or be in the house alone, but I just keep thinking how lucky I was to have him.

Take care - Chris