I lost my beautiful Border collie Molly. Her nick name was Mimi. It was sudden, brutal and completly unexpected. Molly was a healthy happy 9 year old. on the 24th of Feb. at 9 AM she had 2 granmal siezures. She never had siezures before. I called my vet and phoned in some Rx's for me. Unfortunatly I didn't have my car that day and couldn't get to the store to get them. She semmed finr after the first 2 passed, until 11 AM. She began having them again. Only this time they woyldn't stop. I grabbed the phone and called my husband at work, I told him he needed to come home immediatly. He did, except his work is a 30 minute drive with no traffic, and of course he hit construction. I sat on the kitchen floor holding Mimi so she wouldn't injure herself during her siezures, talking softly to her and telling her I'm here with you, I love you. When my husband arrived she was mid siezure. We loaded her up and drove to the emergency hospital. She siezed non stop for over an hour. they gave her valium, she still siezed, they agve her Phenabarbatol, she still siezed. I said no more she's had enough. She was terrified, in pain and there was no way to make her understand what was happening. We made the decission to euthinize her. They brought her to a visitation room so we could say goodbye. She was exhausted and confused. I talked to her telling her how much I loved her and would miss her, but I was going to make it stop. The vet came in and gave her the shot as I held her, then I sobbed for 10 minutes holding her in my lap like I did every day. When I was ready we left the room, I felt awful just leaving her there on the floor. I knew I spent a lot of time with her every day I just never realized how much. Now my arms feel empty and my heart is battered. I had to put a picture of her on my computer so I could get rid of the sight of her siezing in my arms for over an hour. I know I made the right decission it just wasn't what I wanted to do. I love you Mimi and will hold you in my heart forver. Mom

Mimi's Mom,

I'm so sorry you lost Mimi to this disease. I've read of cases where dogs have had dozens of siezures in a single day. I can't imagine what it must be like to deal with.

Please believe that Mimi knows you did what you thought was best to end her pain.

You're so lucky to be able to find peace in having her picture in front of you like that. I had to hide all the reminders of Qorqui for months just to keep from falling apart.

This is a wonderful place to find support. Don't be afraid to "spill your guts" if you're having a down day.

Let yourself grieve. And try not to neglect your health. Greiving is hard work, you need to eat and sleep. Things will get better. You will heal. It will take time.

Tim

Dear Mimi's Mom,

i'm so sorry about Mimi!! Your heart must feel as if it's been ripped out.

you did the right things! and it is wonderful that you were home that day!! you told Mimi how much you love her, you held her, you comforted her. she knew! even though she looked confused, etc., she was assured of your love. don't ever forget that.

Mimi's spirit is fine now---she's in bliss . no emotional or physical pain. and she's not aware of the 'separation' from you because she's out of her physical body and not in the realm where we're conscious of those things. It will seem to her as though just an instance has passed----and you'll be joining her.

I hope you keep in touch here and let us know how you're doing. There is nothing quite like grief. We're here for you.

Love,
Kathy

I am so sorry and I am sorry the end was so traumatic. But you know you did the right thing to ease her pain. She died in the arms of someone who loved her and that is the best way to go.
Come to this site as often as you need. We all know what you are going through and we all know how much it hurts.
The love never dies