It's been a year and a half since my sweet Jakeybug died, and I seem to have hit a bump in the road.
It started bothering me a couple of months ago, hanging over me, thinking it was *almost* a year and a half -- I was doing pretty good, I miss him every single day but I was doing pretty good. Had to even stop to actually count the months and be sure. I can't believe it's been this long. Life without Jake.
But this awful feeling has slowly been growing, coming back - the grief, not quite as sharp as at the beginning, but almost as bad. He's really gone gone gone. I loved him so much and I can't get him back. He was devoted to me, followed me from room to room, sleeping at my feet under the desk when I was working there, woooooooo-ing me from the front window whenever I came home from somewhere.
We have two new young dogs, one about a year and a half old, and one 9 months old, but they are bonded more to each other and to my hus than to me. They hang out together, they focus more on my hus because he takes them out running and mountain biking. They're happy, they play all day together and I love watching them be happy, but it's not the same. They don't wooooo! They don't care about me!! I know that sounds so stupid. I miss being loved by my sweet Jake. Maybe you understand.
I wish I could do better, but some days (today) I am just dragging myself on because we have to go on, there is no choice. But I'm going on without my Jake and I feel so diminished. I don't think I'll ever be the same for the rest of my life. I miss his love so bad. I miss loving him.
What can I do. nothing.
Boy I hate this.
:(
Full Version: A Year And A Half.
ps. I was going to get one of those necklaces you can put a little bit of ashes in, so I could carry a little part of him with me at all times. But you know what? even though it didn't bother me at all when I first got his ashes back, I opened it up and looked and everything, but I don't think I could take it right now.
I think if I tried to put a little bit of him in a necklace, to open up his ashes again, I'd never stop crying.
But maybe it would make me feel better to have him that close for awhile, around my neck for awhile.
After a year and a half! I am so surprised it has come back like this.
I think it's like ripples in a pond - the further out you get, the waves are further apart but you still have to ride them.
I think if I tried to put a little bit of him in a necklace, to open up his ashes again, I'd never stop crying.
But maybe it would make me feel better to have him that close for awhile, around my neck for awhile.
After a year and a half! I am so surprised it has come back like this.
I think it's like ripples in a pond - the further out you get, the waves are further apart but you still have to ride them.
Who be it better than me to respond to this one 
! I know exactly how you feel about your other babies. The dog I have now, I had before Sasha died, and I love her dearly for her own personality, but she is a daily reminder of just how special Sasha was. I have one dog, my great dane, Zada, and she is the most affectionate dog anyone could ever ask for, but she isn't the sharpest tack in the box 
! Don't get me wrong, she is very obedient and even as a puppy she was easily housebroken and never chewed up anything that she wasn't supposed to, etc., but I could talk to Sasha and it was like talking to a human. She would truly understand what I was saying. Aside from her basic obedience, she would pick up on stuff all by herself. There were so many things that she just did on her own without any formal training. She knew which toys were which by name, she knew which vehicle I was talking about when I was specific about which one we were going in and go directly to that one, she would bring me tissues if I asked her to, she would throw things in the garbage for me if I asked her to, the list goes on and on.....Then there is my sweet Zada. When I ask her to do something that isn't an actual 'obedience command', she just looks at me like I'm nuts and goes back to sleep. She isn't quite the 'go getter' my Sasha always was, but I know that my Sasha was definately one of a kind. It is so sad that I will never have another even remotely like her, but I guess that's why we loved each other so much~we knew it would have to last awhile until we could see each other again 
!
As bad as it hurts for you ( which I obviously understand because it has been over 19 months for me), you were so lucky to have had Jake in your life. The depth of your pain only reflects the depth of your love for each other, and that is some pretty deep pain.
I actually have one of the necklaces you are talking about around my neck right now. It is a teardrop that holds a small amount of her ashes, and it helps me tremendously. I put her ashes in it myself and it was pretty traumatic for me, so I wouldn't suggest you doing it yourself, but I would highly recommend you getting one, just let the crematory who took care of Jake fill it for you. I'm sure they would have no problems at all with it and it only takes a second, so you could wait while they did it! I actually get a lot of comments on how pretty it is before people even know that it has ashes in it, as it isn't quite as obvious as some as to what it is. There are so many to chose from on line! I just typed in cremation jewelry and hit search and was overwhelmed by all the choices. I decided to go with the tear drop because it was very symbolic for me. I hope that you will be able to start that upward climb again and find some relief from your grief soon.....
your friend in grief,
Kim
! I know exactly how you feel about your other babies. The dog I have now, I had before Sasha died, and I love her dearly for her own personality, but she is a daily reminder of just how special Sasha was. I have one dog, my great dane, Zada, and she is the most affectionate dog anyone could ever ask for, but she isn't the sharpest tack in the box ! Don't get me wrong, she is very obedient and even as a puppy she was easily housebroken and never chewed up anything that she wasn't supposed to, etc., but I could talk to Sasha and it was like talking to a human. She would truly understand what I was saying. Aside from her basic obedience, she would pick up on stuff all by herself. There were so many things that she just did on her own without any formal training. She knew which toys were which by name, she knew which vehicle I was talking about when I was specific about which one we were going in and go directly to that one, she would bring me tissues if I asked her to, she would throw things in the garbage for me if I asked her to, the list goes on and on.....Then there is my sweet Zada. When I ask her to do something that isn't an actual 'obedience command', she just looks at me like I'm nuts and goes back to sleep. She isn't quite the 'go getter' my Sasha always was, but I know that my Sasha was definately one of a kind. It is so sad that I will never have another even remotely like her, but I guess that's why we loved each other so much~we knew it would have to last awhile until we could see each other again !As bad as it hurts for you ( which I obviously understand because it has been over 19 months for me), you were so lucky to have had Jake in your life. The depth of your pain only reflects the depth of your love for each other, and that is some pretty deep pain.
I actually have one of the necklaces you are talking about around my neck right now. It is a teardrop that holds a small amount of her ashes, and it helps me tremendously. I put her ashes in it myself and it was pretty traumatic for me, so I wouldn't suggest you doing it yourself, but I would highly recommend you getting one, just let the crematory who took care of Jake fill it for you. I'm sure they would have no problems at all with it and it only takes a second, so you could wait while they did it! I actually get a lot of comments on how pretty it is before people even know that it has ashes in it, as it isn't quite as obvious as some as to what it is. There are so many to chose from on line! I just typed in cremation jewelry and hit search and was overwhelmed by all the choices. I decided to go with the tear drop because it was very symbolic for me. I hope that you will be able to start that upward climb again and find some relief from your grief soon.....
your friend in grief,
Kim
j4lorn,
In 1995 my dog Howie died at age 15. I got him when he was six weeks old. He was extremely smart, very cute, and he was so very devoted to me. I had no clue how I would go on after Howie's death, even though at his advanced age it was not a big shock. But the house seemed so empty without his presence. I had his companion, Penny, at the time, a very sweet and adorable poodle who liked everyone, but she was far more attached to Howie than she was to people. She died 4 years later at age 16. She was such a gentle soul.
After Howie's death I adopted a puppy, Rudy, who died 5 months ago at age 10. Rudy was nothing like Howie (except he was also half beagle). Howie wasn't a people dog. If there was only one person in this world - me - that would have been OK by him. Rudy, on the other hand, loved everyone. He certainly was smart in his own way too, but he did not have the deep intelligence that Howie had. However, he was a very well-behaved dog. He was the kind of dog that anyone would have been proud to own; handsome, good natured, obedient (self taught, too). I deeply miss him, and still can't believe he is gone.
After Penny's death, I adopted Sophie, a special needs Basset Hound. She is deeply attached to my husband. She is fine with other animals, as a fellow hound she was a good companion for Rudy, and she is not aggressive, but she is happiest when we have no visitors. People have been mean to Sophie, and it takes work to gain her trust.
I have recently adopted a puppy, Sam. He is probably part hound too. He is not very much like Howie, Penny, Rudy, or Sophie. I smiled when you mentioned "woooing." Rudy did that too, and how I wish I could hear him again. So far, Sam doesn't wooo. He doesn't keep watch of the street out of our window, as Rudy did. He doesn't sleep under the bed, in a den. He seems pretty smart, but he doesn't know very many words yet. I haven't taught him tricks - maybe I will in time.
I think they are all different. In some ways that is a good thing - their unique nature, their specialness. We feel love, but it is different each time, the relationship isn't the same. I have often thought that (aside from the ethical considerations) it is probably good that we can't have them cloned. Because we would opt to have the same dog or cat or other pet over and over again. We would never get to know a different one, the way I did with Rudy after Howie died, or Sophie after Penny died. Or Sam now, even if my heart still is hurting so much. I would not have wanted to pass up knowing Rudy, no matter how much I loved Howie and wished he could have lived forever. My mother says that when Sam's days are done, I will feel just as bad. And I think that is probably true, as I certainly feel as bad over Rudy's death as I did when Howie died, and ten years ago I would not have thought that was possible.
I understand having ups and downs. It takes time to heal, and these experiences change us forever. Take care. I am thinking of you.
Gina
In 1995 my dog Howie died at age 15. I got him when he was six weeks old. He was extremely smart, very cute, and he was so very devoted to me. I had no clue how I would go on after Howie's death, even though at his advanced age it was not a big shock. But the house seemed so empty without his presence. I had his companion, Penny, at the time, a very sweet and adorable poodle who liked everyone, but she was far more attached to Howie than she was to people. She died 4 years later at age 16. She was such a gentle soul.
After Howie's death I adopted a puppy, Rudy, who died 5 months ago at age 10. Rudy was nothing like Howie (except he was also half beagle). Howie wasn't a people dog. If there was only one person in this world - me - that would have been OK by him. Rudy, on the other hand, loved everyone. He certainly was smart in his own way too, but he did not have the deep intelligence that Howie had. However, he was a very well-behaved dog. He was the kind of dog that anyone would have been proud to own; handsome, good natured, obedient (self taught, too). I deeply miss him, and still can't believe he is gone.
After Penny's death, I adopted Sophie, a special needs Basset Hound. She is deeply attached to my husband. She is fine with other animals, as a fellow hound she was a good companion for Rudy, and she is not aggressive, but she is happiest when we have no visitors. People have been mean to Sophie, and it takes work to gain her trust.
I have recently adopted a puppy, Sam. He is probably part hound too. He is not very much like Howie, Penny, Rudy, or Sophie. I smiled when you mentioned "woooing." Rudy did that too, and how I wish I could hear him again. So far, Sam doesn't wooo. He doesn't keep watch of the street out of our window, as Rudy did. He doesn't sleep under the bed, in a den. He seems pretty smart, but he doesn't know very many words yet. I haven't taught him tricks - maybe I will in time.
I think they are all different. In some ways that is a good thing - their unique nature, their specialness. We feel love, but it is different each time, the relationship isn't the same. I have often thought that (aside from the ethical considerations) it is probably good that we can't have them cloned. Because we would opt to have the same dog or cat or other pet over and over again. We would never get to know a different one, the way I did with Rudy after Howie died, or Sophie after Penny died. Or Sam now, even if my heart still is hurting so much. I would not have wanted to pass up knowing Rudy, no matter how much I loved Howie and wished he could have lived forever. My mother says that when Sam's days are done, I will feel just as bad. And I think that is probably true, as I certainly feel as bad over Rudy's death as I did when Howie died, and ten years ago I would not have thought that was possible.
I understand having ups and downs. It takes time to heal, and these experiences change us forever. Take care. I am thinking of you.
Gina
Hi j4lorn,
I can understand what you're going through. I have not been without my beloved cat for nearly as long, but there are times where I just have those feelings all over again. You mirror much of my feelings that I so appreciate reading that someone else feels the same way. Everyone is different with how they grieve and how long. You may feel this for a long time yet, but give yourself the time.
I too have another cat at home and she's just not the same. We all have that or have experienced it. That is why we have such a hard time letting go of that special furry friend.
As for the ashes, that's such a personal decision. I couldn't do it because I would feel I'm taking part of him and I want him whole where he is (as much as he can be anyways). However for you this may be theraputic. Like Kim.R said, you may want someone else to do it.
I hope you feel better and take care.
I can understand what you're going through. I have not been without my beloved cat for nearly as long, but there are times where I just have those feelings all over again. You mirror much of my feelings that I so appreciate reading that someone else feels the same way. Everyone is different with how they grieve and how long. You may feel this for a long time yet, but give yourself the time.
I too have another cat at home and she's just not the same. We all have that or have experienced it. That is why we have such a hard time letting go of that special furry friend.
As for the ashes, that's such a personal decision. I couldn't do it because I would feel I'm taking part of him and I want him whole where he is (as much as he can be anyways). However for you this may be theraputic. Like Kim.R said, you may want someone else to do it.
I hope you feel better and take care.
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