Six months ago, I found my beloved Rasta was killed. He was a goffin ##atoo, and I had him for nearly 20 years. He was the most special bird, so devoted to me like no other animal Ive ever had in my life. He was a wild-caught bird which I didnt know at the time I bought him. he was so very scared and hissed at anyone who looked at him. He quickly became very sweet and loving. He was a sucker for head scratches and once I gained his confidence that I wouldnt hurt him, he allowed me to scratch his head and we were inseperable ever since. I have never seen such a dramatic change in any animal that was so wild. He followed me everywhere in the house. If I called to him, he was there in an instant. He just loved to be cuddled and have his head scratched. He tolerated other people, wasnt agressive to them but wouldnt let them touch him like I could.
I had him as a pet for 9 years, when he made it quite clear to me that he wanted to have a mate. So I got a femal for him and they were immediately inseperable. He was still sweet to me too, but I decided to let them have a life together and so moved them to my aviary where they shared a large flight cage. They were together for 9 years when I found his mate dead one day. I took them both to the vet and it was determined that something killed the female, but they didnt know if it was Rasta or a wild animal. An animal communicator told me a skunk did it. She also told me that he really wanted another friend, so 4 months later I got another female. When Rasta’s new friend arrived, I decided to let her have his big flight and get used to everything, and had a smaller cage for him just outside the big flight so they could become acquainted. I had them like that for only two months. I went out to feed one morning, and to my horror found my beloved Rasta dead. My first sight when entering the aviary was an empty cage, and I knew he couldn’t get out because I had clipped the door shut, knowing he could work the latch. There were white feathers all over in front of his cage, and I knew immediately he was gone. I cannot begin to describe the heart wrenching feelings I had seeing that. All that was left of him was his head, sitting grotesquely in the bottom corner of his cage. So he had been pulled through in pieces. My husband was with me that morning, and wouldn’t let me look more than I already had, and in turning me around, I then saw my new redbelly parrot had been killed too. They had pulled him through the bars of his cage too, but had barely eaten him. There was blood all over, and his mutilated body hung from the cage. There were bloody footprints there, and my husband identified them as a raccoon. He took me down to the house and cleaned up the disaster. I buried both my birds that day, Rasta next to his original mate. I called the communicator a week later, barely able to even say anything. She told me that Rasta was very upset, that he was so sorry and he felt so stupid for wasting a perfectly healthy body like that. She told me he went to see the raccoon and then it got him. He told her it was not a painful death, but I just have such a hard time believing that. Its impossible for me to imagine my boy going like that, the most traumatic thing I have ever gone through to say the least. The communicator said Rasta wanted to come back to me, and asked if he could. Of course I said yes, because if that were a possibility, of course I would want him back. I just don’t know if that is what happens. I don’t know what to believe anymore. Do animals go to heaven, do they really come back in a new body, or do they just stop existing? I want him back more than anything, so of course I try to hold onto that thought. Its just that it has been six months now, and I miss him so deeply.

I still feel an immense amount of guilt for keeping him in that little cage, where he had no chance to get away. I feel completely responsible for not investigating every possibility for entrance into the aviary after the first attack. WHY didn’t I fix it so that it couldn’t happen again? I feel it is completely my fault that my boy is gone because I didn’t do everything necessary to prevent it. And now I am paying the ultimate price at his expense. The last day he was alive, I remember holding him in my arms and hugging him, kissing his little head and telling him how much I loved him. I had thought that day and a few others, that I should just bring him to the house and have him as a pet again. I felt torn because I had just gotten a new friend for him, and I also have another ##atoo (eleanora ##atoo) in the house and I was worried that there would be jealousy problems. But I couldn’t help but want my boy back just for me again. I had also had a few premonitions, I guess, months earlier. I was putting a collection of pictures together, and found one of Rasta’s baby pictures, and thought how much I missed him. He wasn’t dead at the time, and I was so horrified that my brain thought he was. I had also ran across the band I had removed from his leg. He hated it and picked at it constantly, till one day it had to come off because his leg was swollen around it. I had kept the pieces of it, and upon finding them had the same thought – that I missed him so much. But he wasn’t dead, what was I thinking?! So looking back, was I being warned? Why didn’t I listen and do something, anything to protect him? Of course, now I cant even find the pieces of his leg band, and that drives me insane.
I just dont know how to cope anymore. I miss him so much, and have so much guilt over what happened to him. Never did I think I would lose him in such a tragic horrible way.

I am so sorry that you have had to go through this terrible time. Im sorry that I cant post much I just want to send you healing prayers. I am still finding it hard to cope with my own grief.

God bless
Tracy

I am so so sorry for your tragic loss!!! My heart goes out to you and I have tears in my eyes just imagining the intensity of your grief.

Please believe this: Your sweet Rasta has known from the beginning that you and he shared a bond of love, and nothing takes that bond away. Love is way stronger than death of the physical body. Your bond is still real. And when it is your time, I believe, with no doubts, that your spirits will be fully reunited.

In the meantime, Rasta is in no pain (physically or emotionally) and is experiencing only bliss because he's in the realm where there's no experience of physical separation.

You are a wonderful Mom!!! Guilt is understandable, and it is one of the stages of grief because almost always there are things we could/should've done, mistakes we made, etc. You are human and it was NOT your intention to do Rasta or his mate any harm. They know this.

Imagine that the roles were reversed and it had been Rasta who had made the "mistake"... You wouldn't want Rasta torturing himself. No, you would want him to have as full of a life as he could have, and to be able to give more love to others who need it. Rasta wants that for you.

I'm so glad you're here. I hope you write back and share how you're doing.

Millions of prayers coming your way,

Kathy

Dear Birdlover i too have lost birds in this horrific way, one had her leg swiped off by a cat ( I believe) a dove that was sitting on eggs on the ground was attacked and pulled away by a rat ( I assume) and its head pulled through a hole in the shed i have in the aviary and as its body wouldnt go through to that part of her was still there.

An extremely shy dove we had was taken from the aviary by a cat that somehow managed to not only get in but out again through the tiniest hole that she managed to make underneath the wire

Its an awful way to find even a wild animal let alone one you have cared for and loved.

So as you can see you could prevent one way only to be attacked another.

Its a hard lesson to learn but the way forward is for you to forgive yourself, you had no reason to susspect this was about to happen, every time you hear yourself blaming yourself or saying something like i should have or could have turn it around and say 'i forgive myself and Rasta forgives me too.'

It takes a long time for the heart to heal, be patient with yourself.

Love Sue

I could never imagine having to see that in my worst nightmares and I am so sorry you had to witness it. Unfortunately, this is how the animal kingdom is, as much as we may detest it, and that raccoon was only doing what its instincts told him to do..he was merely trying to survive. The first thing that came to my mind while reading your post was how happy Rasta was, and how lucky he was to have you. It is obvious you went to great lengths to ensure his happiness. I'm sure that if you could ask him, he would say that he was much happier outside (where I'm sure all birds would rather be) and wouldn't have changed a thing if given the chance. I, too, was once the owner of a yellow nape amazon parrot. He was a rescue (as are all of my furkids with the exception of only one), and he had been badly neglected. I had him for about 6 years and no matter what I did, he never would really trust me, but I wouldn't give up. Then he hit sexual maturity, and became very aggressive to the point I could barely change his food and water, or clean out his cage without being attacked! I tried everything the vet said I could try to work with him on it, but she said that chances were he was an illegal wild caught bird, and that in his case where he was never truly tame, the best thing for his happiness at that point is to just let him have a mate. I, like you, knew that meant I was basically surrendering as once these birds have a mate, you might as well hang it up! But in your case, your Rasta would still let you handle him and love on him...that is very rare and that tells me just how thankful he was to you and how deeply he loved you and that he was truly happy. My bird, 'Taz', has now gone to be with a friend of mine who has several other birds,and one happenned to be a female yellow nape, and they are now living happily in their outdoor aviary where he is happier that he has ever been! If his life were to be cut short, I would have no regrets. I would much rather him have a shorter happy life than a long and miserable one! Please don't feel guilty about Rasta being in that smaller cage for a short while. He was still outside with his feathered buddies, and I'm sure he was much less bothered by it than you are....that is just another way you are going to find to beat yourself up over this...but try not to. Your were doing exactly what you needed to do for a successful introduction.
In answer to you questions about the animal afterlife, I have heard Sylvia Fitzpatrick (animal communicator) say to people in some of her readings that their furbabies were going to come back to them, too. I would love it if it were true! I hope it is. She says you will know if and when it does. She says that they will find you. That they will either literally come to you, or they will be that one at the shelter or rescue that just speaks to your heart if you know what I mean! I do, however, happen to know matter of fact the answer to your question of do they go to heaven....ABSOLUTELY WITHOUT A DOUBT!!
your friend in grief,
Kim

Thank you all for your kind replies. They truly do mean a lot to me! I am doing a little better today. Its just so hard some days, the grief will just come over me in a wave and just practically knock me out. I have lost many furred and feathered ones, and they have all been truly painful. None have been like Rasta - he was just the best pal ever and aside from having him come back, I dont think I could have such a bond again. I think that is what hurts so bad - knowing how special of a relationship we had, and now its gone. The fact that it was so unexpected has been tough for me. I feel like I was robbed of being able to say good bye to him. At least the last time I was with him was quality time and I was able to share some special time with him - little did I know it would be the last.
I have very few pictures of him concidering the amount of time I had him, I thought I would have had more. Most are pretty bad pictures as I was younger and hardly knew how to take pictures. I ended up having a portrait of Rasta done by an absolutely fabulous artist in the UK. I just received it a few weeks ago, and now it hangs next to me. Its almost like he's sitting there watching over me. I like to think he is. Sometimes i think I can feel him near me, but I dont know if that is just my imagination or not. The first several weeks after his death I pictured him riding on my shoulder everywhere I went, and I talked to him all the time. Now it feels as if he has left, but still comes by to check on how I am. I just wish so much that he was here in a physical form.